Logan Bruno approves of the following guest post
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No Sex, No City
I don't know what So@24 was thinking.I mean, he knows. I complain about it in a manner he somehow finds charming (judging by typed laughter simulations, at least): I am not exactly living the Sex and the City sort of single life.
Also, I hate Sex and the City.
There is no city. I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions about the amount of sex.
It's probably my parents' fault. How dare they meet in high school and embark upon a successful thirty-plus year relationship? Thanks for the unrealistic expectations, Mom and Dad. I've already failed! (I suspect my mom also thinks I've already failed, judging by the meaningful looks she gives me whenever I'm back in New York and we see a Match.com commercial on tv. Mom, just because I'm a goof looking for my ball doesn't mean I'm ready to hit up the whole online dating thing. Damn.)
A little history: So@24 and I have similar backstories. For a long time, I was in a Relationship. Yeah, a capital-letter relationship. We lived together for three years. The last seven months were post-breakup. Those seven months were just as awesome as you might imagine; there was even a wall of cardboard blocking off half the living room at one point.
No joke. Here's where I reference the Kaiser Chiefs: settling down in your early twenties sucked more blood than a backstreet dentist.
So here I am, a year and a half later, 25 years old and a swingin' single. Except, you know, not so much.
Then there's the whole “college town” thing. I live in Amherst, Massachusetts. (Okay, technically I live in Sunderland, a bustling metropolis with exactly 1 traffic light and, like, some mountains. Like I said, no city.) Home to the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Also known as UMass. Also known as ZooMass. Also known as 'the college that makes me feel really fucking old.'
I'm becoming more Liz Lemon-y by the minute. Yes Jack, my date nights do involve me at a nice restaurant* with a good book.
Thanks for rubbing it in.
Like, there are bars downtown. It's the scene or whatever. People go there to get rowdy and – from what I can tell – grope each other. Strangers! Groping! Those wacky kids!
My last experience downtown resulted in me telling my friends in a horrified and confused manner about the random guy who came up to me and put his hands on my waist “as if I was his girlfriend.” Quelle horreur! This is how you meet people?
God, I am way too old for this.
Ripe ol' age of 25. Somebody get me a shawl and a cane. I guess I'm from a kindler, gentler time. I'm not completely opposed to getting drunk. But can't we just split a bottle of wine and put our feet up and maybe have an Arrested Development marathon and then go to bed early? Spoon a little? I'll even be the big spoon for like five minutes (admit it ladies, we all want to be the little spoon).
I should just get some damn cats already, shouldn't I.
- Kim
whatclaudiawore.blogspot.com
* Burger King
26 comments:
Okay, so I read this entire blog post thinking a guy was writing it. It makes more sense now.
The wine, Arrested Development, spooning date? Sounds great!
Thank god you said burger king. I was about to say my nights don't even include a nice dinner. I feel better now.
I also went through the whole thing thinking a guy wrote this.
Haha - thought the spoon reference was hilarious. My boyfriend is 6'6" and always wants to be the little spoon. I'll never understand!
It's true, we do want to be the little spoon.
Oh and um, I also went through the whole post thinking a guy wrote this. Not sure why.
Ok I so feel ya on the new "dating" scene! Lately I to have been feeling my age and feel like when going out its flashback to college days. Which isn't a bad thing but at 26 not really what I'm wanting. Great post :)
Have you noticed how teenage boys want to love you forever, but as soon as they coast into their twenties they seem to get this wild look in their eyes and want to “date” but don’t want to, you know, “Date”?
Sex and the City ruined so many lives.
That show needs to die.
There is nothing about this post that I don't Love. Capital L. Start with the one cat.
why did we all think this was a guy?! I did, until the whole part about some dude putting his arm around you! lol
Anyways, you're funny.
I actually kinda like being the big spoon once in a while.. That way, I don't have any bad morning breath blowing over my shoulder into my airspace!
LOVE this post, hilarious and that might be me soon but at 26.
The arrested development date sounds good to me. I've only been out of a college one year, but venturing back still makes me feel old.
And the cardboard wall thing? That is intense.
The last part just took the cake. HA! Gets some cats. LOL!
WIne & Arrested Development!! I wish I could find a girl who'd let me call that a date.
BTW, I beg you to hold off on the cats... BEG! It's not that I mind them, but I find people get so obsessed with them that any guest (potential "other") is a back burner item.
Hahaha, you're funny! Loved your post and I totally relate to the "too old for bars and college life" part.
Don't give up, I'm sure you'll find someone to drink wine and go to bed early with :)
It's hard to be the big spoon when you're the smaller one! You have to position yourself strategically right as to be spoonful enough but not face-plant in the spoonee's back.
It's difficult business, people.
I guess just because someone is into the bar scene doesn't mean they go there every night. They might on a Saturday... but Tuesday is perfect for a night in with you. I find that setting a personal goal to "have fun" on weekends works better than "meet someone."
A) I always have fun
B) If I meet a cool guy its a bonus ;-)
Eh, I'm still torn on Sex and the City. On one hand, it's nice and it does have a somewhat-honest portrayal of unmarried people's relationships, but the problem is its glossed up portrayal of NYC and its unrealistic expectations of almost everything. But enough about that...
I was JUST there for my sister's graduation...
and I do NOT envy you. ;-)
whenever i see that particular match.com commercial i have an unavoidable need to grab my crotch and say "I GOT YA BALL RIGHT HERE"
also, "*Burger King" killed me, lol
Haha - great post. My parents did the whole 30 years of marriage - great expectations thing too...they didn't want me to settle down too young, but I rebelled...gee, I'm wild.
Loving the Logan Bruno reference.
:)
I'm with Shine on this - had to go back and reread it!
Mmmm Burger King.....
NOT FAIR, SATC is my favorite show, some of them are like clips from life around here.
But I can see your point, it really is jungle out there.
Dating in your late 20's is an urban wasteland. It only gets worse. :(
Yeah. I am 27 and my last serious relationship was 4 years ago. Since then I have been on a few dates but they were duds. I always get the comment "Why are you still single?" Uh hello I have not found a good guy yet. I feel like a loner. Any comments?
I agree. I used to hate S&C, then loved it...I think I've come back to my senses, though.
I like being the big spoon even though I'm tiny. I have no idea why.
as soon as they coast into their twenties they seem to get this wild look in their eyes and want to “date” but don’t want
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