Slaying the Dragon

I recall a conversation Leo and I had a little over a year ago when I had to make a quick stop at the bank to make a deposit. We were discussing blogs that we both read and a recent trend we had noticed:

Once a blogger (who was single) found themselves married or in a relationship, their blog suddenly became... well, shitty. The entries that suddenly turned sappy, gushy, and shouted to the world how "perfect" their lives were. I'm almost positive that everyone can think of a once-favorite blogs that have followed down this path. They once had great stories and theories of the opposite sex... now they are just bullet pointed lists of what Netflix movies they plan on watching with their "hubby" that Friday night.

Leo and I tried to theorize why we thought this was. And we agreed on this: a great story always has a conflict. Once that central challenge is gone, the story is over. As much as we root for our hero, the real joy comes in seeing the hero overcome obstacles and struggle to achieve something greater.

Leo: So what are you going to do when you find that next girl?
So@24: Fuck. I don't know. I guess I haven't thought that far ahead.

* * *

The last few weeks have been an intense whirl wind of "whatthefuckisgoingon". Dizzying, exciting highs and extreme patches of confusion. A lot of emotions coming at me all at once like the furious jabs of Great Tiger in Mike Tyson's Punch Out!

Damn you Mirage Dance!

I needed some time to unbend a paper clip and reset my brain's alarm clock. To take a breather and evaluate shit.

And in these past few days, I've thought back to the conversation that Leo and I had long ago and how it might apply now. This isn't to say that I'm married, that I've found that "next girl", or even in a definitive "relationship".

But my time with Beth has been something that I haven't experienced in years and instead of over-analyzing everything to death, I've made a pledge to myself to just enjoy it for what it is at the moment. It is, what it is.

As I said before, when I started this blog, I was in a place where I actually thought I'd never get to experience certain things ever again with anyone. Probably an irrational fear, but one that felt very real at the time.

When you find yourself suddenly completely separated from someone after 6 years, you think that no one else is going to laugh at your lame jokes (I totally get it now Mark Hoppus!), to accept your fucking bizarre quirks... and to just overall "get you".

There are things that I considered sacred between Lynn and me. It was scary and extremely difficult to imagine that I might do/experience these things with someone else. Little things. Reaching over to turn off the lamp on your night stand and to have someone right there next to you, or reaching over to pick food off the person's plate and not thinking twice about it (and vice versa), or to pick up groceries to sustain both of you for an entire weekend.

But to my pleasant surprise, everything came naturally.

One night, Beth asked me to tell her about Lynn and what really led to our demise. I took a breath and laid it out for her. Like a trooper, she sat and listened to me spew my tale and guzzled a bottle of wine in the process. You gotta respect a girl who seeks out that knowledge and takes it like a champ. With booze. Yessssssssss.

I don't know what is going to happen with Beth. But what I know now is that what I once was terrified of, I don't have to be anymore. I can't put that kind of relief into words.

And I guess that's where we come full circle to what happens with this blog now. I've been struggling as to how to write now. My fears have been slain like some fairytale dragon. I started this blog as a means for guys in my similar position (and really, for myself) to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that there is nothing to be scared of. I've proven to myself and others that, there isn't.

So now what?

I need some time to think about where I go from here.