I just returned home from a particularly long day from the rat races when I received a good phone call from a female friend of mine.
As I was whisking eggs in a bowl to prepare my omelet din din, I held my cellphone between my ear and shoulder while she was telling me a story about a "cute boy" she had met. Earlier this evening, he had asked for her phone number and she had given it to him. She was interested in him.
Now, this isn't anything groundbreaking. Girls meet cute boys and if they seem harmless enough, the average girl will most likely give them their phone number to perhaps set up a time to later meet up to get to know each other better. This is one of the socially acceptable means in which we begin our mating dance, courtship rituals, etc.
I listened to her story and starting to add my diced mushrooms when she dropped a bomb on me. I dropped my spatula.
Before going further, I need to emphasize that my female friend is quite the fucking catch. Pretty (I would say "cute", but I've learned how well THAT goes over...), smart, and most importantly, hilarious. And I would like to ask my commenters to please be CIVIL when commenting on what I am about to reveal. She is a friend of mine and I know how harsh some of you can be when it comes to the decisions some people make. Such as what I am going to explain.
Bless her soul, she knows not what she does.
My Friend: You aren't going to believe it, but when I gave him my number and he started to put it in his cellphone...
So@24: Yes... yes?
My Friend: I caught a glimpse of his cellphone background and it was one of those wallpapers you can purchase...
So@24: What was it?
My Friend: ... a woman in a gold bikini.
So@24: ...
My Friend: When I asked about it, he got really embarrassed, tried to cover it and said, "People never really look at my cellphone"
...
...
...
I'm going to type that out again because it bears repeating.
The guy who she gave her number to and would like to see again, has his cellphone wallpaper as a woman in a gold bikini.
We caught up? Alright.
My mouth swung open like a trap door and I let my spatula drop to the counter. I didn't care if I could smell my eggs burning. What the fuck...
Maybe I'm jumping the fucking gun a little bit. Maybe I'm not giving her White Knight the benefit of the doubt. There has to be an explanation for this. How could this possibly be acceptable? I can really only fathom three reasons for this behavior:
"Oh shit. Yeah about the picture of the woman in a gold bikini set as my wallpaper on my phone? I was visiting a sick child at the hospital who lost all her hair due to chemo treatments and she told me her 'Make a Wish' would be that I purchase a wallpaper on my cellphone to a woman in a bikini."
or
"When I was rescuing a batch of Boston Terrier puppies from a burning building, my baby niece got a hold of my cellphone and must have accidentally pressed a series of buttons on my phone causing me to inadvertently purchase this picture of a woman in a bikini. Then she mashed some more buttons with her tiny knuckles and made it my background picture. I haven't had a chance to change it back yet because I've been volunteering at a local hospital's burn victim's unit"
or
"I'm 14."
However, I don't think this is why this particular dream boat did this. Because he didn't even try to lie about it. He said, "People don't usually see my cellphone" and tried to hide his cellphone like a hooker in a hollowed out bed spring.
Please. I'm begging the blogging community... why, why, why do quality girls do this? Apparently my friend didn't thoroughly read my entry on "Not Settling".
So@24: Are you serious?? And you still plan on seeing this guy? Why!?
My Friend: I'm not in the position to be turning guys away.
My omelet was now ruined. The smoke alarm was beeping incessantly. But instead of finding a fire extinguisher or dialing 9-1-1, I was imagining ways to throttle her with my frying pan.
I swear, I encounter this shit all the time. It's the biggest injustice in the world. Is this something that everyone eventually grows out of? Do the girls who hold the elusive tri-fecta having the qualities of being physically attractive, witty as hell, and smart as a whip have no idea that they possess this rare plutonium? It fucking baffles me. One of the greatest injustices of the world that guys with cellphone wallpapers of girls in gold bikinis are dating girls like this.
Not too long ago, I had a conversation with my exgirlfriend Lynn about this. I told her, that as someone who spent 6 intimate years with her, that I should at least have a say in the next guy she dates.
1. Don't settle.
2. He's gotta make you laugh.
3. He's gotta appreciate your humor and laugh with you.
I don't think that's too much to ask. And really, most girls should heed my advice. My criteria for my exgirlfriend's next boyfriend should be the same to every girl who possesses the ingredients of the perfect partner.
Let the douchebags dudes date the douchbag girls. Checks and balances, people.
Alas, this is why girls remain the most mysterious creatures of all time.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
107 comments:
I don't particularly see a problem with a guy having some hottie on his cellphone, really. Most of my guy friends have at least 3 on their personal phones. Heck, most of the guys I know also have watched or downloaded porn at their place of work. So he's a perv? Really, there's worse things in the world than a guy who's a perv.
Like a guy that's a liar. That's way worse and in this case the guy didn't lie and had enough sense to be embarrassed that a chick he was interested in saw it.
Really, you're being too hard on him and her in my opinion because I can't think of one guy that doesn't have a picture of a hottie somewhere. They have wives and girlfriends, too. They aren't douches or complete losers.
I don't see what the big deal is.
I dont really see the big deal either. At least she was wearing a bikini..But I will say this...I have been known to have not so good taste in men. Hmmm....
This is good to know.
I LOVE your three criteria.. and I plan to stick to it!
Is there a chance that your friend doesn't see this as anything serious?
While a date with said guy is probably annoying as hell to you... if she has a good head on her shoulders... she will know when it is time to pull the plug based on his chararcter.
I think there is a difference in giving a guy a chance to prove you wrong and allowing him to become part of your life.
Hopefully your friend won't let boys become a part of her life until they prove their sincerity!
I'm with unMuse I think. I don't see it as a massive issue...although, it might be telling if she dates the guy and it's still on his phone then (if he was that embarrassed he would've removed it). Oh, I may feel differently if he was like 40 as well. xx
dan savage's podcast today said basically that you have to settle to settle down. sad, indeed.
an old man once told me he goes by these rules for marriage:
1. do they have the same outlook on life?
2. would they make a good mother/father?
3. do you want to make them happy?
as for dating, bikini desktops or posters are clearly DB red flags.
oh my. ha. what's even better are the guys who have the chicks who "spread 'em" wide as their wallpaper. hot. especially when they ask ME to put my number into their cell. classic.
hm. suddenly the bikini wallpaper doesn't sound so bad after all.
I find the opposite S@24; all my guy friends seem to pick such wrong girls and despite me literally shouting at them at times they let themselves fall and I get to pick up the pieces; you men are just as mysterious as us lol. Totally agree with you though – don’t go for the guy with the gold bikini!!
Hmm, I don't think the bikini thing is a big deal. Who cares what is on someone's cell?
umm..big deal...? i know my boyfriend watches porn - heck, sometimes i'll watch it with him. i don't see what's wrong about a little picture of a bikini.
I agree with your criteria, too, but with some added points:
4. Respect.
5. Honesty.
6. Commitment (as in, matching the reader's level of commitment.)
The cell phone thing was indicative of the guy immaturity, sure, but your female friend drew more of a reaction from me when she commmented on needing to settle.
In your friend's definition, 'to settle' is about her own lack of self-worth. She's panicking that no one worthwhile in her eyes will ever reciprocate that sentiment. Unfortunately, she's lowering her standards in order to please strangers when she should be caring more about taking care of her own heart.
Now, I make a separate point:
"Settling" doesn't have to mean picking someone that isn't "perfect" because one feels stuck. None of us are, obviously. Settling isn't always bad. To settle sometimes means that we accept the less desirable qualities in the balance of how much we love their larger and more important GOOD qualities. There is something to be said for being accepting and forgiving and patient. That is something different than 'settling".
Hopefully your pretty, smart, funny friend will see that she has more going for her than having to compromise herself in order to get a date. She sounds way too cool for that. :)
-A.
I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm going to defend the woman in this case.
All you know about this guy is that he appreciates the female form. Shame on him. What's next? Guys who've been to a strip club should not be allowed to date nice girls. They must be forced to mate only with hookers and crack whores.
I think you're blowing this out of proportion. If the guy turns out to be king sleaze, okay, you're right. But maybe he's just a regular guy who blew a couple of bucks on a picture of a half-naked chick. Maybe his friends found his cellphone and downloaded that pic and he hasn't gotten around to changing it. Come on, who hasn't done that?
I understand your point on how all the nice girls seem to waste their time with sleazy guys. You know, sometimes that happens. (Sometimes, those girls aren't as nice we guys make them out to be and we have to realize that too.) But sometimes, nice guys make one or two insignificant bad decisions. Like going to strip club, visiting some porn site, an issue of Playboy. Okay, so this guy wasn't discrete enough about where he keeps his picture of a pretty lady. You are going to judge a guy solely based on this one bit of information. Dude, it's not like he's in his thirties, living in his parents' basement, smokin' dope in his car and dating exclusively barely legal chicks. Okay, maybe he is that guy, but you don't know that yet. All you know is he's got a picture on his cellphone of a half naked chick.
SO@24, I've been in a very similar situation as you are now. I've had female friends who dated scum. This is what I've learned. You can't stop a woman from dating guys you think are scum. They have to learn it for themselves. In the meantime, give your friend the benefit of the doubt that she's capable of making a good decision about HER life.
And stop being jealous that she's not going out with you. If you've got feelings for her, tell her. Sure, she'll shoot you down, but it beats living with all this built up jealousy.
Ok I don't see the big deal. There are lots of guys that retain these habits from their puberty years. If they're really into car/sports/etc magazines, it tends to reinforce that it's socially acceptable.
Secondly, you're being to hard on her, SO. I'm sure a lot of your friends think you are attractive, witty and smart but see you getting jerked around or over-investing in women.
Awesome beautiful women still have the same lessons to learn as everybody else and sometimes they just take a different path to get there. It's not helpful to just write women off as mysterious and intractable when it's something that applies to both genders.
You have to come to the reality that not all girls (or guys, for that matter) hold the same standards that you do in the whole dating/mating ritual. You should know this by now. And seriously, though, aren't you a little picky, anyway? ;)
I definitely think you're blowing this out of proportion. If you judge someone by one single thing after you've had really good conversation with them, and don't contact them because of that - then you have a chance to be missing out on a lot.
The night I met my boyfriend, he was double fisting beers, talking about the disgusting sexual things that men can do to women with his male friends (and laughing hysterically about it), had longer hair than me (which was unkempt), and no job. I spoke with him because we had many mutual friends, and I found out we had a lot in common. We began a dating friendship, and all of our friends said we'd never make it - he's too much of a womanizer, doesn't settle down, would rather just drink and have sex.
We've been together for 2.5 years now, and just moved into a home together. He's the most attentive, most caring, and most understanding man that I have ever dated in my entire life. He would do absolutely anything for me, and I know this and love this about him.
If you judge him on his first impression, he seems like a complete tool (and I'm not a stupid girl that isn't ever able to get dates, nor was I in a position of 'not being able to turn guys down' - I am educated, not ugly, and have common sense), but he's the furthest thing from it.
Sure, first impressions are huge. I think it would be worse if the girl in the bikini was someone he actually knew? If she's as smart as you say she is, she'll know when it's time to bail out if it comes to that.
yah, I'm not seeing the problem with the wallpaper. Whatever. It wouldn't phase me.
Everyone else has pretty much summed it all up for me - I just don't see what the big deal is. If that was one of my friends and they said they weren't going to give this guy a chance because of the wallpaper on his cell phone, I'd think they were crazy.
The bikini would have set off my early warning system, but would not have been enough to eliminate him entirely....
"Do the girls who hold the elusive tri-fecta having the qualities of being physically attractive, witty as hell, and smart as a whip have no idea that they possess this rare plutonium?"
No. We're never sure. I read this and thought- is this me? Do I meet these criteria? No. Well, maybe. Probably? Almost?
They deserve each other.
I could not agree with you more! Wow.
I guess I don't see it as THAT big of a deal that he had a picture of a girl with a bikinni on his cell phone. Sure it's sorta immature and slightly weird...but I don't think it would warrant an immediete dismissal. If things got more serious with the guy, then I'd prob want him to remove that picture.
But I have my own embarrasing similiar situation... I had a picture of Jude Law on my laptop as my desktop background. Because I was feeling like a 13 year old girl that day - I guess. And the boy I was dating saw it and totally judged me. It's gone now.
I think its really hard for a girl to realize how much of a catch she is. No matter how many times your male friends tell you its never an easy thing to believe. That is why the asses of the universe end up with girls much better than they deserve.
Your friend seems like a nice girl even more so because she didn't tell her to not bother calling her after seeing that. The wallpaper doesn't really seem like that big of a deal but its just a tiny little smidgen of his yet to be discovered by her personality. And that doesn't bode well.
He's a dude. Let dudes be. However, let's not get started on raunchy posters on bedroom walls. And on the whole you-should-have-a-say-in-whoever-your-ex-dates-next, I'm going to disagree with you. My ex insisted on having a say in whoever I dated next. That didn't go over well. The way I see it, once you stop dating someone, your input on certain topics doesn't matter anymore -- such as other potential dates. But then mostly I say that because exes have biased opinions.
Hmm...I guess it could be worth. At least she knows without a doubt that he's straight as he likes to look at the ladies. But, I do agree with you on the whole settling thing. I did it for over four years and I can still (sometimes/somewhat) be in denial about it. I have no reason why that's the case, though. People (including me) sometimes think they have no other options, which is dumb but it's just the way things go. Hopefully, most of us learn that that is really not the case and it's ok to wait until you've met someone really amazing.
By worth, I meant worst.
Oh hellllllls no. Girl in gold bikini on cell phone? I would have changed my number mid sentence to the wrong one. That's an immediate deal breaker. Who has those on their phones, really? So trashy.
Am I the only one wondering if it was a picture of Princess Leia?
I swear I dislike my gender at times. I have seen my girlfriends date some real losers for "lack of better options". I am what you would call picky, very picky. Why?
I'm picky about the foods I eat, the car I drive, the type of job I have. I am specific in my wants in every aspect of my life, why not be specific and picky with the man I want in my life.
And let me just add, there is a vast and deep difference between dating a "guy" and dating a "man"!!
i think the people dont see my cell phone is true. My manfriend has a horrid picture of me pouting in a pool with wet hair on his, and if i thought people saw that, id just die.
at least it wasnt a man in a speedo...right?
esp if he is a single guy, they usually only clean up their act when ladies are around. you know, hide the playboy/maxim's.
I don't see the issue mate. It's a picture. Many possible reasons for it. Maybe he didn't tell her why as it would take too long to explain - an in joke with his mates for instance!
By all means be concerned, but let her make her own judgements, based on something other than a single picture
You know, sometimes - just hear me out - sometimes girls give their numbers to guys they otherwise shouldn't because those are the guys who ask for their numbers.
A tasteless pic for his cell phone's wallpaper is the same as a tasteless pic for his compy's wallpaper, which is the same as having tasteless posters on his bedroom wall. What does it tell us? That he's immature. And possibly a dickhead. But not every girl is willing to write off a guy for something like that before she's taken the chance to get to know him.
If he turns out to be an immature dickhead in real life, she can always dump his ass. But one warning sign as harmless as that one does not warrant an automatic bail. There are plenty of bail-worthy warning signs I'd flip my shit about first.
Likewise, I see a pattern of your standards being set ridiculously high. You've mentioned not being interested in girls who read OK or US magazines - but just because I flip through them occasionally at work, because they're there and I'm bored out of my skull, does not automatically make me dim-witted. I would never buy one, but if you came into my little coffee shop and happened to see one open behind the counter, you'd automatically label me as someone not worth your time. And who knows? Maybe you'd be wrong.
Bottom line: snap judgments are a gamble. If this girl is really as smart as you say, she'll make the right decision in the end.
It would be a deal breaker for me if he was able to laugh about it. The fact that he got embarrassed is kind of...weird, but I wouldn't write him off because of it. For like 6 months my computer background had a picture of john krasinski on it...
oh wait, it still does. whammy!
Personally I think if he has a picture of a girl in a bikini on his cellphone than he is a womanizer. Do most woman go around with pictues of men in briefs on theirs? Would that be acceptable. I am sterotyping here but if I would never date a guy who has backgrounds or posters of women in bikinis.
Personally I don't want proof of anyone I date being interested in other people. It's a huge turn off. I mean I know everyone kinds other people attractive but I don't want someone who is going to parade it around in my face.
While I don't think a cell pdone background is an indication of someone's dating potential, I do agree with your overall point. I can't tell you how many quality girls I see fawning over a guy who is so not worth it! and what really ticks me off is that women who allow men to treat them like less than human only instigate the continuance of the behavior. It really makes me sick, so I'm glad you see that horror in settling.
Well the cell phone screen becomes very important when her feelings are taken into account. If she's thinking this guy is going to value her as a precious flower as opposed to another opportunity to score, she may be on the wrong path.
It's cool that you're big on the not settling but unfortunately I do not believe that is the standard in this current dating scene.
Seriously...
If you're older than 14, that girl on your phone better not have a bikini on.
She best be naked.
A Girl in a Gold Bikini on his cell would never bode well for me.
I know we'd always have a rift in our relationship concerning the practicality of gold clothing.
I'm with you SO. If I had seen that background on the cellphone of a guy I was giving my number to, I would have asked for my number back. :-D
Your friend must not realize that she is pretty, smart, and funny. That is the only logial explanation for why she would settle like that. She doesn't see her worth. An old cliche, but still very true.
I'll stick up for you, So@24.
The guy's response is what makes this lame. I have never been with a guy who would--okay, one guy. One guy who I will always adore but never quite did it for me downstairs. Otherwise, none of my friends or boyfriends or husbands would even think about going out of their way to acquire a bikini picture...
which is not perverted, BTW, it's just stupid. What's the point? You can't wait to get home to watch a Victoria's Secret commercial? You need your soft porn and you need it NOW, whilst dialing grandma?
Plus, if I did meet a guy whose phone had a pic like that and I was like, "Ahh, look at that bathing beauty. Is she your girlfriend?" and he got flustered instead of laughing and offering a rational explanation...weird.
Anyhow.
Hmmm....I'm not exactly sure what the big deal is. Why not go out on a date with him and if he turns out to be a turd she probably go out with him again.
I thought straight guys always like looking at girls in bikinis, naked or in victoria secret unmentionables. Not true?
Yeah...I'm with you here buddy. She's moving forward with eyes wide open now. No surprises if she goes home with him and there's just a poster of breasts on the ceiling. Or something a little classier like "The Kiss" or a tear-out of a Brooke Burke Dancing with the Stars promo.
I wish I could help here but while I've never given my number to a guy with an awful piece of cell phone softcore, I've done the rest of the above(no seriously, been there DONE that). It was a phase though, thank God. I'm a little nervous for anyone over the age of 24 putting up with flagrant douchiness and even looking forward to it.
Also- I liked Cait's point "You know, sometimes - just hear me out - sometimes girls give their numbers to guys they otherwise shouldn't because those are the guys who ask for their numbers."
Yeah, I'm gonna agree with you, SO, the bikini pic would give me pause. It just doesn't seem the type of wallpaper that a guy who is serious about meeting/dating someone would have. Aren't we all old enough that the default is OK (simply b/c it's more professional)?
And to answer your question "why, why, why do quality girls do this?" It's because that's what's out there in this age bracket (for the most part). Most guys in their 20s in LA seem more interested in the bikini girls and a quick hookup than meeting a quality girl and embarking on a relationship. That's not meant to sound bitter (b/c it's totally not)... it just is. Hah!
My ex (who is still my best friend) used to have a picture of me in lingerie (from a photo shoot I did) on his cell. The top of my head was cut off and all you could see was my lips. Granted, I wasn't in a gold bikini, but tasteful lingerie. People would assume it came from a magazine or something. (I realize I'm sounding slightly conceited). He just liked it and I never had a problem with him having it, or his friends staring at it without knowing it was me.
Is this guy a douche? Probably, but that doesn't mean she's not going to give him a chance to show her he isn't. Sometimes it's all about giving the person a chance because just like many people here said, you never know. You never know until you take the time to personally determine whether or not he's an asshole or someone that particularly likes this wallpaper. If he calls and they go out and she notices that he hasn't changed it (at least when he's out with her), then he probably is a douche. She clearly noticed and didn't approve; if he's nice, sensitive or interested he'll notice that and change it.
She's not settling because she gave some guy her number. She's also not got a lack of self-worth because she says she doesn't have a lot of choice. She doesn't in the sense that if she wants to meet someone worthwhile she's smart enough to know that she is going to have to meet some jerks on the way. Some of the guys that I thought were the nicest people ever turned out to be total pricks that I would never consider dating EVER and vice versa.
She's just keeping her options open.
1. You're young and so I'll assume that she's young. We do dumb things when we're young.
2. I'm guessing that, like most women, your friend has been criticized by men in her past for being not thin enough, pretty enough, etc. etc. and inundated with media images telling her that all women should be 5'8, weigh 98 pounds and have huge silicon implants so of course she thinks she's in no position to be picky.
Unfortunately, I agree that a guy with that pic on his phone is probably not quality and I hope your friend realizes that quickly and moves on to something better.
I don't see the big deal here. At least she's interested in him. One date never hurt, unless he's a psycho. I mean lot of guys I see in class with girls like that as their lap top wallpaper(this is in university). It's just what some guys like to do.Doesn't make them a douchebag. If this makes him a douchebag then what do you think about guys that watch porn? I think you are overreacting to be honest.
I don't see the big deal here. At least she's interested in him. One date never hurt, unless he's a psycho. I mean lot of guys I see in class with girls like that as their lap top wallpaper(this is in university). It's just what some guys like to do.Doesn't make them a douchebag. If this makes him a douchebag then what do you think about guys that watch porn? I think you are overreacting to be honest.
1. Don't settle.
2. He's gotta make you laugh.
3. He's gotta appreciate your humor and laugh with you.
Damn, this was going so well for me until number 1.
You have a point, really.
And I do agree on your relationship advices.
if a girl doesn't believe she has all the amazing qualities she actually does, it's probably because there hasn't been a guy like you around (one who genuinely appreciates women for the people they are) to convince her as much.
she'll figure it out eventually. until then, keep your eye on her :)
"People never really look at my cellphone"
WHAT?
Make some shit up! Pretend it's a practicle joke! Anything!!!
Okay okay, while I wouldn't personally want to date that guy, I don't see it quite as HUGE a deal as you seem to. Ya, your friend should aim a little higher, but it's not the END of the world. He could be quite the catch despite his 14-year-old boy tendencies.
Since when do you have a problem with girls in bikinis?
I can see where your heart was on this one, but like Larry Miller once said, if women really knew what men were thinking about all the time, they would NEVER stop slapping us.
I don't think it is a big deal, but he should have laughed about it. The fact that he didn't makes him lame. But I find men to be very mysterious so what do I know?
That poor, poor deluded girl.
I would see it as a red flag largely because I'd like to date a grown-up. I have no problem with Playboy (great articles!) or most porn, but having a bikini pic on something as public as your phone screams trashy to me. I think there is a difference between having an interest in and appreciation for sex and the female form and splattering that interest about in a way that makes you seem like you're 14 years old. I also can't help but think that guys like that are compensating for a lack of skill with women. I'd go out with him, but I'd be on the lookout for other signs of douchebagery.
As for your friend knowing that she "holds the elusive tri-fecta", I couldn't put it better than verybadcat.
"No. We're never sure. I read this and thought- is this me? Do I meet these criteria? No. Well, maybe. Probably? Almost?"
Exactly.
Jesus so@24, when did you post this thing? 58 comments! How will you ever read them all?
On topic...I think obsessing over fictional characters as sex objects is human nature...most of us keep these obsessions as fantasy and out of our real world. Well - hopefully most of us. To add something like that to the real world shows how truly simple the person is. But you could randomly ask to see the cell phone or desktop wallpaper of 100 thirty-something year old women and I betcha at least 30-40% will have Edward Cullen.
I suppose homeboy with the bikini girl on his cell could be good for a couple of dates, maybe even a roll in the sack, but he's likely not going to be good for much cerebral stimulation.
I'm too lazy to read all 59 comments prior to this one, but from what I see on the first two, I'm sure I'm not alone in echoing the sentiment that hot-girl-cellphone-wallpaper isn't automatically the sign of a douche.
Now, a poster of some chick in a bikini thumb-tacked over his twin bed? Douche. And 14.
Whats your cellfone wallpaper?
I dont see what the problem is as long as its not his ex gf that'd be weird.
Oh btw this is queenbitch I'm going to attempt to sign in with my new blog address.
Wow - thats some pretty heavy guy-bashing your doing there So. I'd be thinking he's probably just a single guy in his 20's who reads GQ, maybe Playboy, and is just appreciating the female form on his mobile phone - while he doesnt have a real live girl version to appreciate.
Would you apply the same logic to a woman who had a wallpaper featuring a shirtless Brad Pitt? Or some nearly naked male underwear model ?
I dont think so. I say give the guy a chance.... she hasnt even had the first date yet!
Would I find it impressive if a guy I had just met/was interested in had that as his wallpaper? Hell no. But would it be cause for instant rejection? Also no. I think I'd still give him a chance. But the second he started acting like he was 14 then he's a gonner.
does that mean i am a douchebag cause I have pictures of hot men almost naked...I think that's just me fantasizing, nothing wrong with that.
damn homie, i'm with you on this one. who in god's name not only has a PAID screen saver of a slut in a g-string but also openly admits it when trying to pick someone up??
fucking twat waffles who still live in their mother's house, that's who.
tell your lady friend to ditch the zero and get with a hero. duh.
haha! i guess it wouldnt bother me. good story!
i wouldn't date a guy with that on his cell...... unless it was my picture :-)
SO, you are taking this a bit far. Who cares if the guy looks at a chick with a bikini? Hell, we have a Hot Guy Of The Week posted in the back of the salon EVERY week. No one cares.
And, I agree with the guy... no one looks at my cell phone either. I can have whatever pictures I damn well pleae on their and no body better say nothin.
I'd be more concerned if the guy had pictures of Star Wars or X-Men... and still played XBox & Playtation......
Maybe she doesn't want to seriously date him, but just be his f*ck buddy? He could have a care-bear as his wallpaper, but if he's cute, good in bed and I don't want a relationship with him, well then...
I don't get it. I could understand the jaw dropping, forehead slapping, cringing reaction if the picture was of him doing the girl in the gold bikini...but yeah on the long list of big red flags that are supposed to warn unknowing women of jackasses, I really wouldn't have thought to add that to it.
here's the thing... you're a rare breed, SO. most smart, pretty, funny girls i know are NOT beating away guys with a stick. at least, not DECENT guys.
Looking at a pretty girl is one of the few pleasures in life. You have a bad day, you glance at your cell phone and then things aren't as bad. I don't get the big deal.
A girl who has a problem with this has issues. Guys look at girls. Guys like sex. There's no reason to hide this or be embarrassed about it. He's not being crude or flaunting it even.
It says nothing about the guy. I don't intend to flame at all, but I'd venture to say the author here is more of a douche for even thinking twice about this and acting like it's some deal. Overreaction... I mean really... holy cow, a guy that likes to look at girls! How dare he enjoy the beings CREATED to draw his attention!
....am I the only one that agrees with SO on this one??
The hotter the girl, the dopier the things they'll do when dating.
I was really confused about this post. I honestly don't think that's a big deal. He has a picture on his phone. What's wrong with that? My fiancé has a pic of a topless model in his locker at work (works in a shop) and I don't care. Is it better that he did it behind my back or that he can actually tell me about stuff like that? And it works vice versa, too, if I were the type to put up pics of half naked guys up at my work (which would get me fired, but you get the idea :p), he wouldn't care. Or even as the background on my computer.
I don't know. Everybody's different, I guess. You just never hear a guy talking like this about other guys.
Haha. I see where you're coming from, but I also see where your friend is coming from. He could quite possibly be the douche his cell phone is telling you he is. Or he could be nice, despite his cell phone. Wouldn't hurt much to give him the benefit of the doubt and grab one drink with him. Good for your friend for not being *too* quick to judge, as long as she's smart enough to know her worth and get out if it gets ugly.
Honestly? I would probably still go on a date with him. I would, however, ruthlessly mock him in public about it.
Wow - a gold bikini clad girl? I agree - he sounds like a total tool. She needs to ditch him!!
I love you possible scenerios for his having said picture on cell phone background.
in other news:
http://notesofowl.blogspot.com/2009/03/modern-mating-ritual.html
I don't see the problem.
I had to read this over three times to make sure I wasn't missing his heinous crime. I have a hot chick as my phone background. And?
What should I have instead?
If a guy I had been talking to had that on his phone and used that as his excuse, I don't think I would want to talk to him anymore. Though I did go through a stage where it wouldn't surprise me if one of those guys DID have that on his phone. We all make poor decisions every once in a while, even though this guy could be quality (other than the gold bikini.)
Your friend will figure out what is best for her whenever she gets to know this guy.
I think his reaction matters more than the wallpaper itself (which I would find weird but possibly not freak out about, depending). I think you can tell a lot about a dude by his reaction to such a thing.
Also, this is just going to reinforce your point, but sometimes a douchey guy is kind of fun. What is wrong with us women who think this way??
I don't think there is really anything wrong with that... this might sound gross (well, to ME it is), but my Dad has a picture of a girl on his cell phone. And my Dad's a nice guy, he raised three great kids, and he and my mom have an awesome relationship. It is my opinion that all guys are pervs. If a guy had a picture of a girl in a bikini on his cell phone, I might make fun of him for it, but it wouldn't be reason to dump him. Heck, I have a half-naked picture of Robert Pattinson on my phone and no one has a problem with that! =)
Yeah...it is time for a refresher for the women out there:
Tina Fey Girls in the Rough, Listen Up
Oh dang. I would have had the SAME reaction as you...there is no need to be paying for wallpapers of people you will never have.
I mean I am all for hot girls in bikinis but not on your phone dude: gross, deal breaking and grow-up. This is what strip clubs and R rated movies are for.
the only problem with him having the picture was that she had a problem with it. i think that my male friends who have kittens as their phone backgrounds [yes i have more than one male friend with kittens as his phone background] are stranger than the guys with the lady pics. i'll agree that it's kind of immature, but that would make that guy a perfect match for someone who was looking for a guy who was a little immature.
and as for the settling thing: sometimes people get frustrated sitting around waiting for their perfect match and end up with just whoever. i think its sad that your friend thinks that she has to accept any date that comes her way. i mean, it's called being independent, hello. i've always said that you need to love yourself before anyone else can love you.
i'd love to be your fb friend...email me if you want to know, like, my name and such :)
I normally don't comment...but, from the few comments I did read I'm just as amazed at how many girls don't find it that big of a deal. I would consider myself to have the trifecta you outlined and I don't consider myself egotistical in saying so, only confidant and aware of my worth. I am worth so much more than a guy who gets his jollies from seeing a girl in a gold bikini everytime he opens his phone. I'm sorry, I forgot I was still in high school?? Let's have some life goals here. Is that really professional or classy at all?
Did I mention I've been single for 2 years? And honestly, I don't hate it. When someone who is actually worth my time comes along, it will be worth the wait. And the wait really isn't too bad either. 'Nuf said.
I had to re-read your post to make sure I was understanding correctly and not misinterpreting sarcasm.
I actually don't see a problem with this story at all. Yeah, it's a bit immature and pervy, but that's not out of the ordinary. At least the girl was wearing a bikini!
The only part that creeps me out is the fact that he paid money for it. That's weird. I wouldn't personally pay for any screensaver, so I guess I don't know why anyone else would either.
I don't think it's a problem and I don't think for that fact alone your friend is settling at all.
Newsflash: Having the "trifecta" and/or being aware of possessing the "trifecta" in no way makes a girl more likely to find/attract/end-up-with a non-douchebag male.
Case in point: Myself. I've been single for a f****ing decade, and every time someone asks me "How are you still single?" I just want to throttle them, because I? Have no idea.
I know I'm a catch. My male friends point it out fairly frequently so I know it's not all in my head. But every other man I meet in my life? Not so much. Also, having desirable qualities in no way makes it easier to actually encounter a guy who's not a jackass, and the last non-jackass I encountered? More or less no chemistry.
Sorry, but your friend? She's just checking out the possibility because, although incriminating, bikini-clad-cell-phone-wallpaper doth not a douchebag make.
Some other possible explanations: "I lost a bet," or, "It seemed hilarious when I was tanked with my buddies, and now I leave it there to remind myself while I'll never drink Cisco on a Tuesday again..."
*sigh* /rant
tfp: As one of those male friends...you indeed are a catch, but if you shop at "The Walmarts"...don't expect to find an Armani suit on the rack.
Even as a married woman, I don't see the big deal with a lady in a bikini. At least she wasn't naked. This is what single guys do when they have no lady of their own.
This guy wasn't in a relationship, right?
However if i was in a relationship with a guy (hypothetically since i'm married) I would hope that my picture replaces the bikini lady at some point.
And if my husband had a bikini lady pic on his phone, he'd be enjoying it from the dog house (aka the couch)
The Frog Princess has some really great points
Checks and balances...lmao
I'm tweeting this!
Are you on Twitter?
twitter.com/bridgetforney
Honestly, I don't think it's that big a deal.
Another think I don't think is a a big deal? Guys who watch porn. And have porn. I would be concerned if a guy I was seeing DIDN'T have a big porn collection.
Bikini wallpaper might be the most MATURE wallpaper, but it's not a serious enough offense to cut him off, especially if him and your friend hit it off.
I guess this means I should remove the "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" wallpaper background from my phone.
Sweet post and some good advice. Hopefully all girls possessing the trifecta will heed your notes. But it also encourages females to be picky. Obviously we shouldn't settle, guys shouldn't either, but I'm a fan of getting to know someone a bit better than their cell phone wallpaper. Plus at least he was honest (add that to the list)! So what does it mean if a girl has a guy's muscle-bound torso as her background....
I say, it's too bad he couldn't laugh it off and make some kind of witty joke about it, but I don't think it's a big deal! My boyfriend has a picture of "the earth being zapped" (his own words), and I would almost rather see a half-naked girl on there.
Girls know that guys look at porn. Hell, a lot of women look at porn too.
I say she gives him a chance.
Ok, I do not know your friend so I am not making a value judgment on her specifically, but I think the problem is that so many women think they ALWAYS NEED TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
You don't.
It's actually OK to be single for months-- even YEARS at a time. You can focus on your mental, spiritual, and physical health. You can focus on your career. You can focus on your friends. You can focus on your hobbies. You... do have those, right?
Because a lot of women don't. Because they spend all their damn time dating douchebags with cellphone backgrounds of women in gold bikinis.
Sigh. I'm as befuddled as you are, SO.
But this post still made me LOL.
The problem I see is that he was weird about it. If you're going to have gold bikini girl on your cell phone embrace it. Laugh at yourself. Make it seems like your the coolest ever.
The fact that he was embarassed and awkward is the weird part.
I've only read the first few comments... but I'm going to agree with you here. If the dude is so lame that he needs a chick with a gold bikini on his cell phone... he can't even wait until he gets home to open up his Maxim... he's a db. Straight up.
I don't have a problem with guys, including my boyfriend, watching porn. But, you know, close the door first, right?
I'm so far behind and am not up for reading all 101 comments before me, so my apologies if I repeat someone!
I think it's unfortunate that your tri-fecta friend isn't confident enough in herself that she has to say that she is not in a position to be picky. What, is armageddon imminent? If not, there is NEVER a time when a person should feel they are not in a position to be picky. I hope that you can help her see this, for her own sake!
I don't believe the fact of having such a picture on his cell-phone could put the guy in the category 'to be avoided'... I don't have any, though I find bikinis nice to look at. Anyway, it doesn't really matter, he still could be a great guy.
I love you, SO. You rock :)
Oh, and totally in a non-creepy way. You are just so fucking dynamite sometimes, that I can't help but love ya!
I have to say that I really don't see the big deal either. I'm married and I married a man who would probably still have a picture of a girl in a gold bikini as his cell phone wallpaper if he didn't have wedding photos to choose from. A girl in a bikini is not indicative of character. It says nothing of how he'll treat a woman or what his moral values are. What have you never been to a strip club or watched porn? Does that mean that you don't value women? That you think of them as objects? No, probably not.
At least, you've got few pointers on why women are the most mysterious creatures of all time.
@Allysa:
4. Respect.
5. Honesty.
6. Commitment
I with you because it is must ingredient. In fact it's what Philippine women needs too.
Post a Comment