** Please note: This post was written quite awhile ago. This story sets the stage for things to come and will make much more sense later on down the line.
February 2nd, 2009
I write this post extremely confused what to think. So let me lay it out on the line and I'll let you be the judge. Maybe the answers will be clearer in the future. This post is an experiment with time travel to the ordinary blogger.
Things with Bree have been going pretty well (at least I think so. Oh fuck, excuse me for a second while I furiously knock on some wood). It's been a nice balance; I've texted her just as much as she's texted me. I call her when I feel like calling her and I think she's comfortable in calling me when she's comfortable calling me.
But a conversation last night took a bit of the wind out of my sails.
Bree had given me a call just as I was nodding off reading A Prayer for Owen Meany.
The conversation was running its usual coarse, until she dropped anchor out of nowhere:
"Oh, by the way, on Friday I kissed a guy. It wasn't a big deal, but I just thought you should know."
At this point, I was caught completely off guard and not sure what to think. But I felt my cheeks redden and reach temperatures that would rival a potter's kiln.
So I did what I normally do when I get extremely uncomfortable and nervous; I used humor to mask my pain. I was quick to make a joke out of it, "... you've been worrying about losing your touch and here you are making out with 23 year olds!" I kept it light and even threw in a sly compliment.
She was apologetic (I think legitimately) and I could feel the slight discomfort coming from her end of the phone line. I reassured her that she didn't owe me any explanation or any apology, because really... she didn't.
After all, I wasn't sure what else to say! What could I say??
The conversation switched gears; I asked her about hotel suggestions of where I should stay when I meet her in Santa Barbara. But I just couldn't keep up the charade, I was now starting to sweat and needed to get off the phone.
So@24: Hey, it's already 1 in the morning, I'm pretty tired. We'll talk tomorrow?
Bree: Oh. Yeah. Of course. Goodnight.
So@24: Goodnight.
About 10 minutes later, while I'm tossing and turning to try and go to sleep, my cellphone beeped. A text.
Bree: Hey, I feel weird about that call. I'm sorry if that upset or bugged you. I would sort of be bugged if roles were reversed. Sorry for being such a weirdo.
Still unsure of how to take in all the information, I decided not to respond right away and tried focus on getting some shut eye.
I woke up at 6:00am, having that terrible feeling you get when you groggily discover that you JUST found sleep. I texted her back the following:
So@24: I'm not going to lie, it rattled me a bit. But like I said, you don't owe me any explanation. I appreciate the sentiment though.
Within a few seconds, I was surprised to get a text back:
Bree: Crap. I'm sorry. I just wanted to be honest and it came off so casually because it was weird and I didn't know what else to say.
* * *
On paper, technically Bree did nothing wrong. She's absolutely in the clear. She's an attractive girl in her 20s who is allowed to enjoy alcoholic beverages in large doses if she chooses. And yes, she can make out with dudes if that's what she wants to do.
And yet, I just felt... funny. Humiliated. I'm not exactly sure why and I know that it's not justified. I know I wasn't justified by being weirded out by the whole situation. I haven't even met the girl face to face yet. I don't have any reason to be rattled.
But I guess I also have to recognize that I'm also flesh and blood. And human beings don't always operate on technicalities. Especially when it comes to dating. Lesson learned, So.
Maybe it's because I was hit with the idea that Bree might not really be on the same level as I am. Who wants to hear that a girl you're interested in is making out with other dudes? I finally got what Rivers was singing about when he wrote "No One Else"
I just don't want to be stuck holding a stack of Monopoly money when I've actually been playing a game of Mouse Trap the entire time. Know what I mean? We'll see if this is just a foreshadowing of things to come...
And yet, I just felt... funny. Humiliated. I'm not exactly sure why and I know that it's not justified. I know I wasn't justified by being weirded out by the whole situation. I haven't even met the girl face to face yet. I don't have any reason to be rattled.
But I guess I also have to recognize that I'm also flesh and blood. And human beings don't always operate on technicalities. Especially when it comes to dating. Lesson learned, So.
Maybe it's because I was hit with the idea that Bree might not really be on the same level as I am. Who wants to hear that a girl you're interested in is making out with other dudes? I finally got what Rivers was singing about when he wrote "No One Else"
I just don't want to be stuck holding a stack of Monopoly money when I've actually been playing a game of Mouse Trap the entire time. Know what I mean? We'll see if this is just a foreshadowing of things to come...
65 comments:
More to come, eh? Now you have me veeeery curious!
Also, I miss playing Mouse Trap. What an incredibly complicated game to set up.
I can't wait to see what happens next!
I think anyone might feel a bit strange in your situation - I have been that girl on the end of the email / phone and I know she would've felt really bad - I did it once...but never again!!!
On a TV show over here they've just started human mousetrap - it's nowhere near as good as the boardgame!! x
Weird situation - I can see why you were both 'weirded out'. You had every right to feel upset as you thought things were going well and she obviously seemed genuinely sorry. Forget about the conversation and carry on as normal if you can? Good luck x
i would have been bugged out both if i were her and if i were you. it happens. can't wait for the next installment!
we were enthralled at your writing skill, the story while perhaps true was interesting.
you lost us on the Monopoly/Mousetrap thingy. :-0
thanks for the post,
..
.ero
That's adorable! You are too nice for trying to play it off all casual and this girl is a keeper because she was so sensitive and empathetic to your feelings.
I really really hope it all worked out for the best.
You know, men and women are exactly the same. We all suck. We all feel pain. We all inflict it upon each other.
hmm . . . so this was before the Santa Barbara trip . . . interesting. I'm still waiting for the conclusion to that post that ended with you asking if you could kiss her!
Em
It's weird that she just came out and told you.
It seems to me like she did more harm than good by telling you that. She pseudo upset you when, as you mentioned, you hadn't even met her yet. I'm not sure why she told you but then again, I often fail to understand why other girls do the things they do.
I'm glad she told you.
Well hey, maybe she felt guilty about it. That being said, a lot of things can't really be communicated over the phone or online. You'd need to get real context first.
Well...ask yourself, if you met a hot girl at a bar would you make out with her?
Either way it's awkward, but I'm more of a don't ask, don't tell person when it comes to the beginning stages of dating. Until it's exclusive, I wouldn't want to know.
I think the most important moral of this story is OBVIOUSLY that Mouse Trap is a cool game, but it unfortunately takes way too long and set-up and break-down... and where are all the animated mice and doo-dads that appear on the commericals???
False advertisement blows.
This post made me recoil a bit. Had it been me and my blog crush I would have felt the same as you did. You are right in that its a strange situation technically you don't owe each other anything, but somehow that doesn't make it easier to hear that she kissed someone else.
I am anxious to read the next chapter of this story.
Its tempting me to post more about my guy.
Hmmm...that's a hard/strange situation because you guys really were in sort of grey zone; before meeting yet still with the possibility of it going somewhere. I don't know. I'm interested in hearing more.
Owen is SOOOOOO good!!! No Pip, but definitely an all time fav.
What's up next, friend?
ill tell you my own foot in the mouth story if it will make you feel any better.
about three years ago i met this guy through friends and we started going on dates. it was a long distance deal as he lived about 1 hour away, but still we had you know... been intimate.
anyway another male friend of mine was between homes and needed a crash pad. i happened to be the owner of a two bedroom apartment without a roomie at the time and thought, sure, you can pop an air bed in my spare room for the two weeks you need some where to sleep, i don't care. but i wanted to be upfront with the guy i had been seeing, just so he wouldn't think it was weird that suddenly i had this male roommate, even for two weeks.
the conversation went like this:
me: so hey my friend R is going to be sleeping in my spare room for like two weeks. i just thought i'd let you know.
him: will he be there when im there next time?
me: well no, but i just didn't want to you know, have some dude living in my house without telling you, just didn't seem kosher.
him: why do i need to know this again?
me: uhhhhh. *in very small voice* because i thought we were dating.
him:......
so there's that. i go and try to do the right thing in my mind and not only make some dude uncomfortable but get to find out that while ive been seeing some guy every other weekend and by that i mean seeing him naked, we weren't "dating."
As I was reading this post, I began thinking......
I am 26 years old. I am not going to sit here and say that I have never run around bars kissing boys and blah blah (blah.) No innocence.
BUT I have out grown it.
The bar feels different at 26 than it did at 21, 22, 23, and even 24.
The way I respond to guys is different. The way guys speak to me, the way I dress, the amount of time I spend at the bar, everything has changed.
Maybe things are changing for you SO, but you are still trying to do the same activities that you would have done when you were 21, 22, 23, 24. You didn't because you were dating someone.
Maybe you are not finding the right chick because you are going about the wrong way of finding them. Maybe you have grown out of that method. And quite honestly, you have probably grown out of the ChicksThatKissesGuysRandomlyAtTheBar stage.
I'm just saying.
ah disappointing and you have every right to be hurt (even if you won't admit it). At least she was honest.
I give her credit for being honest with you.
Here is the real question...
Given that you two are not "exclusive", would you rather not know? Perhaps this was her backwards way of seeing if you want to take it to the next level.
Curious to see what happens next.
Ah yes. Long distance, internet dating. Honestly, if you wanted something complicated you surely picked the right avenue. :-) Now I'm even more curious as to what has happened and how things have or haven't progressed. This post seems to foreshadow a bit - like possibly she made out with someone while you were in town... I honestly hope that's not what happened.
Gotta give the girl props for her honesty. Maybe it wasn't exactly what you wanted to hear - ok, or at all - but at least she was upfront. That says a lot about her character...
I'm still trying to figure out why she felt the need to tell you. You've never met, so you'd never KNOW, so why put it out there to stick in your head?
Maybe if you were a bit more exclusive, I'd think maybe she needed to tell you. But, then again, maybe not. It seems pretty harmless.
I'm kind of with Bird here on this one. It might have to do with an age/stage of development mismatch...?
Just saw a show where two guys made the entire mousetrap game out of ice, and it worked! Some people have entirely too much time on their hands...
As far as Bree and what you have yet to reveal to us, I have a bad feeling, and that sucks....
VI
Whoa, a whole knew chapter of drama.
Well, I think it's good that Bree was honest, because it gives you the chance to figure out what you want to do now--do you leave it alone? Ask her where she is in regards to feelings for you/her intentions?
I'm interested to see how this unfolds.
(For the record--I always thought Rivers was being a little uptight in "No One Else". :P)
A bloggy cliff-hanger? Who shot JR???
To be fair, I don't think ANYONE ever knew what they were doing with Mouse Trap.
Since that was in Feb, I hope things are better now.
I loved Mousetrap, even though it took an hour to get it to work, and then the actual chain of events wasn't as thrilling as one would think...
Oh wait, that's not what this was about.
Keep an eye on this Bree chick. I'm not sure I trust her.
Firstly I totally loved your analogy with the whole Mouse Trap, Monopoly money thing. Please introduce more board-game based analogies into your posts!
Secondly I'm the commenters who say they admire her honesty. The fact she told you is definitely admirable, also the fact she thought you deserved to know is potentially a good thing...
...looking forward to the next installment.
I think you're both playing Monopoly or she never would have told you. Until two people expressly discuss exclusivity, no one can assume it. Learned that one the hard way when I gave up the chance to tangle tongues with someone new and wonderful only to go home and find that the guy I was dating (dating as in going on dates, sleeping over, seeing twice a week etc.) was also seeing other women. Talk about feeling like a fool.
OH MY GOSH.
I'm in this situation.
As you, not her.
Gosh this hurts. And I dont handle it as good as you do.
Oh, but I do love me some Mouse Trap. :)
Can't wait for the rest of your tale!
I thought you and Rachel had a moment on Saturday. You should tell Bree that.
So, this has to be the most creative post you've had.
i honestly appreciate your writing and storytelling abilities.
Very real post. If only I could tell you the many times I tried to explain this to my boyfriend. We feel certain things despite how right or wrong we are.
One on hand, she shouldn't have told you. On the other hand, she is probably feeling guilty about it, and she wants to be honest with you. So at least you know she is an honest person. Can't wait to hear more!!!
yeesh. i think i'm stressed out... what's going to happen? i hate when BIG things happen and when you look back on the events leading up to it you realize there were signs foreshadowing it. yuck. hindsight is 20 20.
ooh i hate awkwardity like that.
given that this was written a while ago my analysis might be totally wack but:
i think bree told you because she has/had high hopes for your relationship and didn't want something like "i made out with a guy back when we were just talking" to be a big deal down the line. on one hand you have to appreciate her honesty, but on the other making out with someone when you're not in a relationship with someone else isn't a big deal and is kind of a bomb that the 'someone else' shouldn't have to deal with.
do you think she is trying to be honest or making sure you know/knew before she blogged about it? very crucial difference.
either way, there is no reason for you to feel any pain...all you guys have is a flirtatious type of relationship, nothing set in stone. if you really thought that there could be more to the relationship with bree i think you would have already made a move. but then again, only you know that.
A Prayer for Owen Meaney is one of my ALL TIME FAVES! Granted, I'm an American Lit teacher, so go figure!
I would feel a bit bugged by it as well, but until there is any sort of commitment I suppose you're both free to do anything... Sometimes it is better NOT to know.
I totally get what you mean with that game analogy So.... and i asl get why Bree's little confession may have got to you a little.
You may be an awesome super-blogging celebrity, but you are only human after all...
Based on what you've written about Bree since, it sounds like she's interested, but perhaps just looking to "casually date" you.
I got that line used on me recently by a guy, which I translated to mean, "I like you, but I still want to make out with others if given the opportunity."
Apparently we are the same person. This happened to me as well, the guy who i am sorta seeing made out with some girl and he told me in the same fashion and it was just...weird. like I shouldn't be irked but I was.
I'm looking forward to finding out more!
i love that weezer song, but i'd turn and walk away forever if someone said those things to me.
~beatrix
dude, we all feel like that when in the dating scene.
until one of you comes right out and says it, you'll never really know if your playin the same game.
Dating is like "Operation"...you try and try and then BBZZZZTTT!!! I look forward to the follow-up....
don't worry. your fabulous.
Um... not sure why she told you. I guess you guys have been pretty open with each other?
I think it's always best to assume your crush may have something going on with someone else. The hotter they are, the more likely.
I feel like "Single" has two extremes. 1)Not much physical action 2)Having too much fun to be tied down.
[Just saying] Dating works best when its two singles from the same end of that spectrum.
Anywayyyy, I'm interested to see what follows this post.
I seriously hate Monopoly man. He's all smug as he forecloses on my hotels and repossesses my little silver car. Fuck him.
I wouldn't have told you in the early stages. Am I a whore?
That's why things need defining.I think that,like in the real world,in the cyber world, relationships begin when people are investing their time, emotions and risk of hurt-not when one 'meets.'
I have had a couple of cyber relationships and ,keepieng it in context that it is the 21st way of meeting/dating people, I would have been pissed if one of my guys made out with someone whilst expecting to take up my time and encouraging me to invest my emotions on them.
You're not weird.
I am not sure why she told you although I overshared something once out of guilt. Big mistake.
Hope this story has a happy ending or at least a happy journey.
Hmmm...interesting...
OMG I love Weezer!! :) hmmm ive never done that to a guy im interested in altho i have done it to make my exbf jealous and incredibly angry >:D
that would be a weird situation to be in tho...but that was before you met her..so it might turn out good after all.
All the best :)
i'm very curious for the next post, i mean come on it's like a puzzle of piecing it all together! i'm intrigued :)
I totally get this. Unfortunately.
That last paragraph really hit the nail on the head.. I mean really, it couldn't have been said more perfectly.
Which is why dating seriously drains me.. its always a guessing game of timing and initiation. The good news is that she told you - and no matter how uncomfortable, an open line of communication is ALWAYS a good thing.
I'm a little nervous to find out why this will be more important down the road... And yet anxious and impatient, so spill already!
During the long, long gray period after my husband and I first kissed and before I was his official date, I kissed, dated, etceteraed a few guys who weren't him because I needed to make sure that there was something else going for me besides him in case things didn't work out.
Though I'm guessing that this blast from the past means there are more tales of dating terror to come...chin up! <3
Hmmmm . . . so if this "On Friday I kissed a guy" phone call was followed not long afterwards by you kissing her, then maybe that means you should be hoping that in a phone call soon, she says, "On Friday I had sex with a guy."
;-)
SO@24 - Feel free to delete this comment if it's too tasteless.
I can't wait to hear more...
Ok love the pic at the end and the comparison to mouse trap! Very creative! :) Can't wait to see what happens. Good luck :)
That type of things happen, there was really nothing u could do about it, and honestly I think I would have replied the same way u did..
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