Via text messaging, Brandi invited me out to her birthday party on Saturday evening.
"We totally need to do a joint birthday!"
I was, at first, a little hesitant to respond positively. My first meeting with Brandi was an absolute shit show. And by meeting, I mean Brandi. In fact, I bet Brandi doesn't even remember meeting me.
However, I always like to give people second chances.
That and I have been in desperate need of a social life since Leo's departure. Hurry the fuck up, Leo.
I agreed to join Brandi at her favorite haunt; yep, you would have answered correctly if you guessed Hollywood's own Happy Ending.
I whispered a silent prayer to myself as I walked into the bar. "Please don't be blacked out. Please don't be blacked out. Please don't be blacked out."
As I opened the doors, the sweet, sweet melody of Jermaine Stewart's classic "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off" flooded my ears. "Well," I thought, "a bar that plays my theme song can't be that bad!"
My optimism quickly faded as Brandi bounced over to me, lifted me up and spun me around. She was blacked out.
Brandi grabbed my hand and led me to the bar.
Brandi: We're both turning 21 tonight tonight, So! That means 21 drinks for you and me!
So@24: Dude, I have to drive at some point.
Brandi: Well how about a birthday drink then?
I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket, but the bartender happened to be listening to our conversation, e.g. Brandi's slurring, and stopped me.
Bartender: I can't serve her. If you want a drink, that's fine. But she's cut off.
It was 9:30pm.
I don't mind when people over drink while celebrating. Hell, I've been known to do it myself numerous times. The problem is, if the person blacking out is a complete social butterfly in the worst sense possible. I didn't know anyone else at the bar, but Brandi was all over the place. I maybe spoke to her for a combined total of 5 mins the entire evening.
I was awkwardly left alone on the sidelines scratching the back of my head while Brandi hugged and chatted up complete strangers; anybody that walked within her sight. What a fucking night.
The rest of the evening only got worse. I have to admit that plenty of Hollywood eye candy shows up to bars like Happy Ending, but the scenes that play out are depressing as all hell.
The tipping point came when I saw a girl, could have been straight from the pages of a Playboy magazine, "dancing" with two guys at rubbing up on her shit at each side. I put dancing in quotes because it was more like unenthusiastic swaying. While each guy, who definitely were not guys she came in with, were trying their darndest to mark their territory. Each one of their faces were like fucking zombies: dead, starring straight ahead. Like they were just forced to go along with it. Fuck it was sad.
Maybe it was the shittiness of the evening. Maybe it was the single shot of Jack Daniels bubbling in my stomach. But suddenly, I felt this strange philanthropic urge. I was going to approach a girl who didn't fit this Hollywood bill and say something nice. Just to have something to show for this terrible evening.
I left Brandi with her new friends and didn't bother to say "goodbye" or wish her a happy birthday. She wouldn't have remembered anyway.
A girl sat by herself in a corner. I'll be honest, she was quite homely and certainly stuck out like a sore thumb in a place like Happy Ending. She looked like something that Hot Topic digest and puked up. She was clearly bored and kept scanning the room as if to spot a friend bringing her a drink. She wore a ratted hoodie with a patch of GIR on the back, a cartoon character from a cult hit cartoon that most people didn't even know existed.
So@24: Hey there.
Hot Topic Girl: Hi.
So@24: That patch of GIR you have is awesome. Invader Zim was a great show huh?
Hot Topic Girl: Uh. Yeah.
So@24: ...
Hot Topic Girl: ...
So@24: Well then, have a great night?
Swing and a miss.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
66 comments:
There are zombies in Hollywood?
I'm on my way.
You're like...really, really nice.
Wow, sounds like she had no interest in speaking to anyone. At all.
They cut her off? I'm never coming to LA.
wow.
...great conversation you had with that Hot Topic chick... :S
Man, it's the trying that counts!
ugh, you know she was just someone that thought a doggie with a zipper was a cute picture and had no idea it was based off of a cool show.
places like this bar that you speak of sound horrible. i probably would have been in my own personal hell.
note to SO: don't hangout with brandi anymore, ever.
I think being cut off by 9:30 sets some kind of record. I'm not even out by that point. Impressive.
Wow. Sorry about all that. I'm also sorry to say I've been that girl. Oops.
Swing and a miss, but the effort is what counts. Hope it works out better next time.
I wish when I have my bored face on at a bar someone would rescue me. Move to Miami.
I don't think I've ever been rescued before.
You are too sweet.
Props to you for giving this girl a second change and attempting to be friendly to the girl in the corner. Sorry it backfired!
I've never actually seen a bartender cut someone off..and at 9:30 no less!
At least you tried qith GIR girl. You probably could have impressed her better with a cupcake or a rendition of the Doom song.
And, you gave Brandi a second chance, so you can pat yourself on the back for that. However, I would refrain on giving her a third.
First off, might as well have been turning 21 the way she was acting. Cut off at 9:30?! Yeah, that's mature.
Secondly, props to you for making a nice gesture to a complete stranger on your b-day night out. Well, at least it will be a good story to blog about next year?!
Damn birthdays.
Poor thing. I thought my Sunday evening was bad...wow.
Something tells me its time for you to come to New York City. Many more single women, and most of them are intelligent and ambitious (and hot and Asian and...you get the idea).
Dude, that sucks, I am so sorry. I had something similar happen to me Saturday, except I was someone's date to an event. She became a wreck and I had to carry her home.
Stay strong.
And yes, move east. We're much cooler and understanding.
...wait. Hot Topic girls go to bars?
I almost stopped reading after the 'she picked me up and spun me around' part - good god, man! WTF?? There are a few hours you'll never get back. Stick with the Bree - it goes good with crackers...
VI
P.S. Quick Hot Topic story - went to their HQ once, in a non-descript warehouse in City of Industy. I have never seen so many tats and facial piercings in my life. At least they are 'keeping it real' with the people they hire. Cool...
At least you tried.
You need to get out of LA. For reals.
Wow...haha I seriously commend you for trying to make the best of the situation. Apparently, you can't help others make the same wise decision!
Sounds like that girl was already in a bad mood. And that bar sounds awful.
Sorry you had such a lousy night!
SERIOUSLY, SO, you need new friends! New bar friends. Because, let's be honest, that's just wrong on so many levels.
Come to Canada where I'll show you fun AND how to pick up a girl! ;P
No wonder she was alone. Great at the conversation that girl was. Talk like Yoda I do.
There's a place just like that where I'm from called the Crease. My friends and I call it the Crease Nightmare. Because most of the time you just want to hide your eyes...
Wow -- this was how you spent your birthday weekend? No wonder you miss Seattle!
Ah, depends on your motive. If I recall, you said your motive was to go up to someone who didn't fit Hollywood's bill and say something nice. You didn't say you wanted her to converse with you for the rest of the evening and be eternally grateful for your philanthropic overture. So, I'd say, success! If you're wanting more, reframe your motive, my friend, and you'll be hitting home runs more often!
Hot Topic Vomit is always a good idea. Always. I'm surprised she wasn't more amusing.
Anyways, I'm with Sassy Britches... it sounds to me like your objective was met, even if it was a little boooring.
.. and people wonder why I have no desire to move to LA. I don't really care about scenes or being a part of them. Give me a loud bar that makes strong drinks, tables, a pool table and a mega jukebox. Throw in a few friends and the occasional outburst to watch and laugh about and I'm gravy.
I tend to seek out the lonely looking person at the bar too. Of course in my case they always end up being some socially awkward freak who thinks that I must be into them and they start hitting on me in their painfully bizarre way. Damn me for being so friendly... Oh well at least it makes for good blog fodder.
i would have totally been that girl. except for the hot topic vomit part, more like regurgitated post-punk, art-house, tangential junkie wreck.
and also, if you had talked to me about invader zim, i would have smiled and proceeded to chat you up about jhonen vasquez and asked if you had ever read johnny the homicidal maniac or squee and if you were interested in franz kafka or aldous huxley.
which is why strangers no longer approach me for conversation.
but shit shows can be fun..right? I think?
Jermaine Stewart should never be the opening to a night like this. That song is far too good.
And how does a girl shoot down a guy that knows who GIR is?! My roomies in college would have been all over that.
atleast you stepped up to bat. i use to be too scared to even get step up to the plate...
there is a bar called happy endings? haha.....
Ohhhh, SO, only you dude...only you. I am glad you talked to emo girl although she could have just been posing with the GIR patch and probs had no idea what you were talking about.
PS. I think you need a wing woman
Sweet jesus, man. She picked you up??? That's so wrong. On so many levels.
**Note to self. No LA bars, they cut you off before midnight.
I was cut off on my bday this year. But not by 9:30. hmm, betty ford anyone?
And the girl in the corner? What a stuck up hag! Disinfectant Stat!
solid effort, so. but 9:30 pm? REALLY? weak.
You have some of the weirdest nights! What happened to Bree?
Where do you find these girls?! just playing - hahaha! I totally thought there was hope with the HT chick... ugh, they're lame.
Q: And what have we learned, young Grasshopper?
A: Do not agree to meet Brandi anywhere that serves alcohol... or anywhere at all for that matter.
Ugh, I wouldn't have lasted half as long as you did. I hate places like that :P
that scene sounds WAY lame
come to nyc and I'll show you a GREAT time
what dyou mean most people have never heard of invader zim?? thats a favorite among my crowd.
but good for you for making an effort and talking to someone, even if it didn't work out so great. that chick was probably composing a lame blog entry in her head about how the hollywood bar scene is so lame and how it's appropriate for people out of highschool to wear clothes with cartoon patches.
Women can tell when you're hitting on us "philanthropically" and we think it's douchey and insulting. I know it was coming from a good place with you, but I'm guessing that's she responded like that. Also, as I'm sure you know, people with low self-esteem don't tend to be the most charming conversationalists.
Hey, at least you talked to her. You would get points in my book for that. And it sounds like she didn't want to speak to ANYONE.
That is very nice of you. I always try to talk to the nice, shy looking girls too (but...I'm a girl. I'm sure she was happier you were talking to her, even if she was awkward about it).
Never hang with that girl again. People that are just a buzz kill even when you have not even had a drop to drink.
oh man...
Damn. I dont believe that girl. If someone nice came up to chat with me, I'd start talking. Yeesh.
930 is late.i usually get cut off by 600pm...
Well...you tried.
Consider it a practice pick-up
yeah...
talk about awkward.
I would have been totally throw by the kick-ass opening song too. How does THAT SONG go wrong??
blacked out at 9:30, wow. well at least she was ready to celebrate, haha.
If she was quite homely then I think it wasn't a bad thing that you swung and missed. :)
the most important thing i learned in college was from the best professor i ever had, and it had nothing to do with british literature. it was this: you have to make yourself interesting.
people shouldn't be allowed in bars without something to talk about. you? you did your part by knowing this GIR thing. me? i memorize at least one sports story per year (it'll get you far). this girl? she needed something to say.
and happy ending in nyc? looks like a chinese massage place from the outside, and the bouncer asks if you want a happy ending when you walk by.
~trix
hey at least you tried to make something of the night... not your fault she wasnt very responsive!
hahaha ... i'm sure she was just shocked and didn't know how to utter a conversational response.
You know, sometimes I'm intimidated by the sheer volume of comments you get on these posts.
For the record, "I'm gonna sing the Doom Song now!"
can't stand people who seem to think they're better then everybody else. especially if they are hot topic-ed out. irks my nerves.
sorry about the rant, but i think i would have talked to you if you came up to me. whether i knew you or not.my friends often scream at me about "stranger danger" but if the person isn't a creeper, why not chat it up with them?
especially if your "company" isn't much company.
Dude. What. the. F.
You swung once and left? You had two swings left, friend! Ok, that cinches it: next time I'm in L.A. you and I are going out. Not every up to bat is a base hit and few are homers, but c'mon, don't leave the box shy of three pitches!
Ok, I'm about to barf from all the baseball metaphores I just crowbarred in there.
Post a Comment