I couldn't believe I was hearing these words coming from my friend Chad's mouth. I was going to go to a fucking toga party. This was the only option available to me on my Friday. I tried to shamelessly invite myself up to San Francisco to get blasted with D, but she must not have picked up on the subtle desperation in my voice (or maybe the problem was, she did).
Well fuck. I had nothing else to do on a Friday night. And I wasn't about to spend it in my undies, sipping on Maker's Mark, watching back to back episodes of Freaks and Geeks for the third time.
Because then what would I do on Saturday? Doy.
So despite my better judgment, I grabbed an old sheet from my closet and fashioned myself an old fashioned toga.
I showed up at Chad's apartment with a six pack.
Chad: Well, it's time to put what you're always saying to the test...
So@24: They really need to bring back Sodalicious?
Chad: No. "Time to get drunk and make friends"
So@24: I only say that when we've discovered we don't know anyone at the party.
Chad: ...
So@24: You fucker. You don't know ANYone at the party? And it's a TOGA party??
Chad: An old coworker passed on the invite to me, but I don't even know if he'll be there.
Chad and I were going alone. To a toga party. At 25. Did I mention we didn't know anyone there? Like, at all?
* * *
You ever go to a party where there are too many attractive people? You just feel awkward and out of place? It's everything you've ever wanted, but you just can't get comfortable.
Maybe it was just my really short toga. I knew I cut that bitch too short.
Chad and I made our introductions and it wasn't too long before he had spotted his interest of the night. Chad leaned into a guy we had just met.
Chad: What's her story? She's cute.
Guy We Just Met: Well, her boyfriend is that huge tank right over there.
Chad: Shit.
Guy We Just Met: Don't let it get you down, they're on the rocks. She cheats on him all the time.
And that one little saying would foreshadow the rest of my night.
The thing you have to know about Chad is, he's a masochist; he has this unexplainable attraction to girls with boyfriends. Sucks him in like a tractor beam.
I'm not sure if I can convey how awkward it is to "run interference" for your friend while he blatantly hits on a girl, whose boyfriend is a few feet away.
I didn't know anyone besides Chad, so I wasn't going to leave his side. And the girl's boyfriend wasn't going to leave her side with Chad. So really, the boyfriend and I were forced to become friends and make conversation.
I'm not doing the awkwardness justice. Just take my word for it.
When I was finally able to peel Chad away from the girl, my social scientist brain wanted answers.
So@24: Chad, what are you thinking?? She has a boyfriend! He's here at the party!
Chad: You heard the guy! They're relationship is on the rocks! I'm just laying ground work.
Not wanting to sit around and try to make sense of Chad's warped logic, I was determined to have fun at this party
The dance floor was packed with young, beautiful Hollywood folk shaking their asses to Beyonce's "Single Ladies". Sweaty dudes rubbing their erections on the hips of girls just trying to dance in a circle with their friends. You know the drill.
It was time to see if this party could totally redeem itself. I walked up to the toga-draped DJ mixing behind the booth.
I asked him to play the classic toga/college-party song "Louie, Louie". His eyebrows furrowed, but he agreed to play it next.
As soon as he switched it to my song, a giant grin formed across my face and I turned to see the dance floor's reaction to MY amazing pick. I would be a legend!
One by one, the dance floor cleared.
"God I hate this town."
I sulked back to my backpack and pulled out my cellphone.
Maybe D was still up...
74 comments:
Haha, I love how you described this party...I was almost there...
And if I had been, I'd definitely have danced to your song choice :-)
LOL You should have requested The Time Warp. Putz! :)
Even during my college days, I never went to a toga party...this could be why.
Doesn't sound like much of a fun toga party. More like an excuse to wear nothing but a sheet so it can come off easy while you cheat on your boyfriend who is in the next room.
I'm going to keep the sitting-in-the-undies-Freaks-and-Geeks sort of night an option for my weekend. I can't believe I never thought of it before.
I've never been to a toga party. I've missed so much in my young life.
Man. I would've so appreciated the Louie, Louie if I were stuck in a goddamn toga.
I can't think about a toga party without thinking about Saved By the Bell-- Toga! Toga! Toga!
Yea I know they chant that in every toga movie/show ever.
When you wear a toga is a free-balling kind of thing or if not can you wear any kind of underwear? It just seems a little complicated. Wouldn't they show through?
Oh man. Move to Toronto. I'd party with you the right way... not the fake Hollywood way.
HA HA HA yet again you have me in stitches! Perhaps you could have gone on the lookout for a lampshade and fashioned a 'fringe' for the 'too short' toga. Oh wait, it's not the 80's... :0) x
ha, think you might have been better off with the freaks and geeks marathon!
Toga party... never been to one, and after reading this post, seems like I would never go to one haha!
Oh oh oh! Drop by my blog, I left you a little something for the nth time *sheepish grin*
I'll admit, I've never been to a toga party before.
I have seen store brand Sodalicious!
Ehem, I've never been to a toga party but sounds incredibly tacky. And I can't agree on your song choice, sorry SO.
Louie, Louie was the first song I learned on the guitar. It's also the only song I ever learned on the guitar. I would have danced!
Never trust people who throw Toga parties outside the realm of college. This was where you went wrong.
"Sweaty dudes rubbing their erections on the hips of girls just trying to dance in a circle with their friends. You know the drill."
And that is why I despise parties like this.
I'm going to a toga party the 30th. I'll have pictures. I'm disappointed you didn't post pictures. Toga parties are few and far between!
No one danced to louie louie? My fave toga pick is SHOUT! you cant now get down...to shout.
But then, I live in Ohio. Different world!
I've never been to a toga party, but I imagine I would be a tad worried about my toga opening or coming loose at an inopportune moment.
Oh, toga's the frat boys dream of easy access brought to life.
I didn't know that toga parties existed in real life.
One thing I can say about you is that you get out there and you experience life. Although I think that I would have left the music alone lol. Great post!
I went to my first (and hopefully last) toga party last year. Hated it. At least it makes for good blogging eh? Haha.
Em
Wow - first the Axe blogger party now this? you're a good sport, I give you that!
Maybe I'm wrong on this, but isn't the classic toga/college party song by Otis Day and the Knights "Shout"?
Maybe that's why the dance floor cleared.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1_oYJfhmvk
i've never been to a toga party....and now i'm glad.
What is wrong with those people? You're wearing a TOGA!!! Might as well really rock it and shake your ass to Louie Louie while you're at it...sheesh.
And sorry SO, but I can't help but giggle thinking about you in a too short toga, talking to tank boy :)
I have never been to a Toga party before. How sad is that?
You are a trooper of momentous proportions. Axe parties, toga parties, at both of which you know basically no one, and at one of which you're showin' off enough leg for a 1970's Lakers team. I do not know why anyone would miss the point of the hilariousness that would be Louie, Louie. Lame asses; good thing you "got a phone call." :)
y'know, I hardly go to parties because sweaty dudes with erections bug the CRAP out of me.
You need to embrace not knowing anyone!! It is the easiest way to meet new people....since everyone is new.
I went to a Toga Party last year (connected through a social club), and it was a blast. We all went out afterwards, and got free/cheap drinks all night because we brought our fun to the bar. TO-GA! TO-GA!
seriously? I have never been to a toga party either. But, SO, lemme tell you. We'd know no one, so I'd dance to Louie Louie over and over again and keep that dance floor to myself.
Then they'd see how truly awesome we are, and one by one they'd THROW their pretentious drinks into the air an join us on the dance floor. They'd hoist us up on their shoulders, yelling about how cool we were..
the life of the party. We'd be famous in that circle of (people we don't know)!!
It's the true makings of a movie. And they simply fu#%ed it up!
I love Louie Louie. I can even play it on my old trusty French Horn.
TOGA TOGA! "The Bar" always has a Toga party. I try my best NOT to work on that night.
Glad to see you got out of the condo though.
What the hell is the POINT of having a Toga Party if you can't recognize the utter necessity of playing Louie, Louie during it?!? Animal House rules, those people obviously do not.
That's the problem. You gots to figure out what the kids like!
....like the Timbaland remix of the Roman Centurion March or something.
But in all seriousness, not Louie, Louie? at that point, leave.
I always wished I had done the toga thing at least once....
I think getting out of LA and into Europe is gonna work magical wonders for you SO. It's a whole 'nother world out there. With MUCH cooler people.
You're still going, right?
i would have been dancing to Louie Louie... in a toga fully decorated with sparkles and glitteratti.
Louie Louie is a fantastic song.
I fucking hate toga parties, and I never dress up for them because 1, bedsheets are for sleeping/doing the dirty in, and 2, I don't want to be documented looking like some kind of Roman reject.
Omg. I laughed so hard at this. For the record - I totally would have rocked out to "Louie Louie" with you.
You should have started bragging about your hot, hot girlfriend who was "out of town." I'm pretty sure taken guys are just as attractive as taken girls. Time to play a little hard to get.
Are togas like kilts? Did you wear panties underneath?
Oh my god. I hate going to parties where I don't know anyone. So, did your friend get laid or what? I'm thinking he didn't since u didn't mention it.
i've never understood so many people are more concerned about "how they look" to others rather than just having fun.
(and a toga party can be fun with the right group of silly-ass people.)
I keep forgetting where you live. About 75% of the people around look awful in togas. And yet they wear them anyway.
And somehow I never made it to an actual toga party in college. I see that I musta been missing out.
Aw shucks! I would have danced w/ u to Louie, Louie! It's a classic! That same thing happened to me at my own wedding reception. I wanted them to play "Crazy Game of Poker" by O.A.R. They did and everyone but me and my sister left the dance floor. Well then, screw them all for not having good taste in music! :)
whenever i hear the song shout i feel the need for a toga party. Now, i think i'll reconsider that.
Am I the only one out of all of these commenters that has been to a toga party and had fun?? I like any party that has a dress up theme... Maybe I'm the odd one out! But then again, if I had shown up to toga party and found out I didn't know anyone, I would have left looong before I had the chance to take over the DJ booth. At least you tried!
"Maybe it was just my really short toga. I knew I cut that bitch too short." HA! Oh you know everyone was checking you out then!
and hey, Chad just sounds like a regular dude to me. ;)
I have never gone to a toga party. Seems like it would have been fun though.
I love Louie Louie.
I think "Shout" is the song you are looking for?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvDnG8TqPt8
i LOVE Animal House!!!!
I went to a couple of Toga parties when I was in my "thinking it was cool to be in a sorority" phase....my toga was gold....good times.
I would have danced to " Louie, Louie ".... young people today, they just have no sense of pop culture nostalgia.
I swear I was at the party with you! So funny. What is it about togas, alcohol, egos and sweat that makes a party go crazy. I'm glad you went. Listen you never know once you try right?
Alas, D was not up any longer.
She had wasted away her evening drinking a bottle of wine and waiting for the phone to ring like a good little Bridget Jones wannabe.
She did, however, get you back the following evening with a very, very drunken conversation about spooning. That she does not remember in the least. Good for her!
Yea, not the best song choice. Did Chad end up leaving the chick with a boyfriend alone or what?
I was in college when the toga party became a good idea and even then, they were hideous but sort of made sense. You sure know how to paint a picture with words! Too damn funny. And yeah, Time Warp would have been better but not classic.
Louie Louie? That's classic. Was everyone else there 12 years old?
I have a guy friend who always seems to pick the girl in the on-again-off-again relationship. He said he likes to find girls whose boyfriends "break their hearts" and he "picks up the pieces." But I think by "picks up the pieces" he means bones them once, doesn't ever call again, and if he sees them out pretends he has no idea who they are.
i think you just forgot to wear undies under that toga and everyone got very very nervous when you danced. I've never been to a toga party, but if I ever get to go to one, I'm DEFINITELY not wearing undies.
What is the point of wearing a toga if you aren't going to kick it to old school music? Isn't it just a regular party where everyone is wearing sheets then?
You are destined to be Canadian. We party the *right* way (which is to Louie Louie, if you are wondering. And Newfoundland drinking songs.)
HAHAHAH @ Above. True. You were meant to be Canadian, SO@24! LOL Newfie drinking songs- why is it we find those fun!? LOL
i've never went or heard of a toga party. i don't think i'm missing much.
how could they not like "louie, louie"??? i mean really people. lame.
lame losers!! your too good for them!
"sweaty dudes rubbing their erections on the hips of girls just trying to dance in a circle with their friends."
you SAID it my friend
Never been to a toga party, and I don't feel like I missed anything. This post just confirms my distaste for that idea.
So wait, was D awake?
OH, so that was you who played that song...I was wondering who cleared the dance floor! =)
That party would have definitely not been my scene either...
Toga parties. No wonder they had them in Frosh week....
buddy you were just too smart for them - that's all!
and chad is nuts! perhaps he has mental issues. haha. karma is going to get him back when he finally gets a girlfriend and she cheats on him all the time.
too harsh?
The real problem must be that your toga wasn't short enough.
No dancing to Louie, Louie? Clearly all very lame people.
So did your friend Chad get beat up by the girl's boyfriend? Just wondering.
I have never been to a Toga party.... sounded interesting to say the least! Going to a party where you don't know anyone takes guts! Very entertaining post! Sounds like you tried to be a good wingman... but your buddy kinda sounds like a jerk :) lol
So no more toga parties at 25?
What about Gold Pros and Tennis Hoes.
BEST. POST. EVER.
Oh that's the worst! I used to hate the bar scene when my good taste in music would make the dance floor empty.
And I suppose most would laugh at the toga party, but I kind of always wished I had gone to one toga party in my life. Maybe I'll have to find one (or make one!) some day.
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