And then I would have gotten the shit kicked out of me. Cyborg style.
Alas. This is where I find myself as I sip on my sixth Corona and type to you (sloppily) this evening.
Bree* was a blogger that I've been reading for a long time, almost around the same time I started writing down my dating woes for the world to read. She was one of the few I read consistently from the start, because she was one of the few bloggers who actually had me laughing out loud in my cubicle.
It wasn't until Christmas of this year, when we actually made contact outside of blog comments. I suppose I should breakdown how I'm sure most bloggy romances come about. A quick flow chart, if you will:
Flirty blog comments > An email > multiple emails > gchatting/IMing > social networking friends > phone calls
That's about as far as I've gotten at this moment and thus, a great segue way into my regularly scheduled rant about dating.
* * *
As far as I can tell, Bree and I click pretty damn well. I've found that we have so many things in common, it borders on creepy. Like, cut from the same cloth.
Quick So@24 Checklist/Shortcuts to get into Valhalla:
- Shorter than me? Wow, not a deal breaker, but Check!
- Cute? Check!
- Atheist? Check!
- Liberal? Check!
- Career driven, but enjoys the sweet nectar of the Gods (see: booze)? Check!
- Swears that pho is the cure-all for hangovers? Check!
- Loves Strangers with Candy? Check!
- Listens to NPR / This American Life? Check!
- Knows that the original UK Office is far superior than the US version? Check!
- She's hilarious? Check!
- The One in a Million Question: Doesn't see what the big deal is about Flight of the Concords? Check!
Our phone conversations have averaged about an hour (at the very LEAST) each time. These phone calls range from playful drunk dials to discussing the intricacies of our families.
Yeah. Intense, right?
However, we've only been talking for a little over two weeks. I'd really like to make a trip up to San Fran to see her and see if there is any chemistry physically.
I'm not a patient man and I pride myself on my spontaneity. I don't like to wait around... what's the point?
The one quote always jumps out at me (although an extremely watered down version) from When Harry Met Sally. Billy Crystal is delivering an epic monologue to Meg Ryan on New Year's Even when he says to her, "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
Alright, alright... I'm not a complete psychopath. I'm not saying this quote fits perfectly into my scenario, but the mentality behind it is true. What's the point of waiting around when you can find out right away?
During the last few conversations, I've tried hinting that I'd like to go up and see her. Especially since it was a 3 day weekend, I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to hang out. She said that she "couldn't because she was set on putting up her headboard for her bed".
...
Did I just fucking lose out to a headboard? I'm not a smart man, but I know a sad excuse when I come across one.
Man, I thought things were going pretty well. I thought that she would be just as excited and interested in meeting up as I was. Apparently, this wasn't to be the case. Dejected and utterly confused, I confided in my blog friend Dolce.
So@24: She hates me. She fucking hates me. "I have to put up my headboard"? What the hell happened here? This is so humiliating.
Dolce: First. Calm the down. I hate when you do this to yourself. You need to be patient; 2 weeks is nothing. She's just hesitant. You have to try and understand where she's coming from.
So@24: This girl knows more about me than most people!
Dolce: I understand that, but you have to realize that you're still just "a guy on the internet"
There's some injustice to all of this.
It's totally socially acceptable for a guy who is at a bar on any given Saturday night to approach a girl and ask for her number and then to ask her out on a date. This guy knows absolutely nothing about this girl, except that she's physically attractive.
However, Bree has had full access to an extremely personal insight into my life (see: blog) and hours and hours clocked in of quality conversation. Yet, it's not socially acceptable to meet someone unless there's "more time"... just because he happens to be someone you met initially through the interweb.
Isn't this a fucked standard? With this mindset, I would have a better chance getting to meet her for a date if I were to be reeking of Crown Royale, drenched with sweat on a dance floor rubbing my boner on her thigh during the good part of J Kwon's "Tipsy" (I know I used this joke recently, but it fits so perfectly) and then asking for her number.
I thought girls liked the spontaneous guy. The one who goes with his gut, who's impulsive? Where's the romance in structured, planned-far-in-advance meet-ups?
Or was this over before it even begun?
* she has agreed to not read this post. ... what the fuck have I done...
107 comments:
Um, not to be a huge creeper? But your list is creeping me out:
1. Shorter than me? I am
2. Cute? I like to think so but no idea what your standards are
3. Atheist? Pfft, God.
4. Liberal? Yay gays!
5. Career driven, but enjoys the sweet nectar of the Gods (see: booze)? Definitely.
6. Swears that pho is the cure-all for hangovers? You can't get good pho in Australia, it's driving me mad.
7. Loves Strangers with Candy? Haven't seen this, so I lose on this one.
8. Listens to NPR / This American Life? I just donated money to this american life. Oh Ira Glass's voice makes me happy.
9. Knows that the original UK Office is far superior than the US version? I only gave into Office US THIS year after holding out for more than 4 years due to loyalty to UK office.
10. She's hilarious? Ha, who knows.
11. The One in a Million Question: Doesn't see what the big deal is about Flight of the Concords? Creeeeepy. I tried, I really tried. And while I thought the dancing while angry scene was kind of fun, I gave up 6 episodes in.
To your actual post though: I'm sorry. She maybe got freaked out about all this pressure she perceives? I mean, what if you two meet and there's nothing, nada, zilch? All this excitement and hoping goes right down the drain.
But I hope you get a chance soon!
She has agreed not to read this post? Yeah right. How is that going to be enforced? She's probably read it a couple times by now.
Been there, done that. Although my story seems to be a lot more complicated (she told me she loved me..wtf?)
She's read this post. Every girl I've ever dated claim not to read my blog, but I find out later that they do.
I once asked a friend to hang out and she told me she had to take down her Christmas Tree and couldn't. Okay so that was just a platonic buddy talking but I couldn't believe the tree won over me.
Maybe she wants to make sure the headboard is out together before you guys meet "just in case...." if you know what I mean.
I don't even know what I mean.....hmmm.
The Office Uk is WAYWAYWAYWAY better than the US version, high five!
Good on paper, involved with her bed.
Too bad :(
You really do have a good point. What I am thinking is that she may be just a little nervous. She may really like you and is scared that she wont be all you expect her to be ya know? As much as you dont want to...I really would give it some time. You sound like you really like this girl and I wouldnt give up on it just yet if I were you. Not to be a total drag here but I do think you are overthinking it a bit (but I know...you do that sometimes lol) But you have only made one attempt to go see her right? I would give it just a bit longer. Like I said...maybe this is just her own insecurities....because I totally get that.
I hope that made sense???
Maybe the headboard is a really significant part of her life, and she feels the need to give it all her time and respect. Maybe you should be more understanding..
I don't know, I'm just bullshitting. That's weird.
Dude, I can't believe you quoted When Harry Met Sally. I was forced to watch that movie, and I think I threw up because it was too romantic.
Oh, So. I do get what you're saying (and I love spontaneity - especially if you show up naked wearing a trenchcoat and fedora at my job because that would be AWESOME. It hasn't happened.. yet) but it's only been 2 weeks, give her some time.
And did it occur to you, she's just really determined about that headboard? It's just it's such a lame excuse, it could be real. And if she really didn't want to see you, wouldn't she have the decency to come up with a better excuse?
And I have to agree, she read this post. I know I would.
hmm i agree about the pressure thing. i have been tlaking to someone online for over a year now and we havent met. Its a prtty daunting thing esp if your talking a cpl of days worth of visit.
Its a scary thought x
I am with dolce. The internet is all full of weirdos. Maybe if you were going somewhere past san fran and just stopped by. Weekend is a big commitment.
OMG SO@24... I can relate to this post in so many ways its scary!!! Only my version is the east coast edition with colder weather and snow involved.
You are right about the whole bar thing. I've actually thought about that recently when talking to random guys in DC... I would be having SO MUCH more fun if I hung out with a certain [geographically unavailable] boy once more...and we could just figure out where we stand physically.
I am VERY confused by her response. Is it the logistics of the sleeping situation? I would try presenting it like this:
You will be in the San Fran area, are meeting up with a group of friends... and suggest either a group hang out..OR something one on one that is in a crowded area (haha NOT the Redwood Forest). Or tell her she can bring a friend if it makes her more comfortable. I'd suggest an afternoon hang out that could turn into dinner and drinking if it goes well. And tell her YOU WANT TO TAKE THINGS SLOW.
She could be nervous about how you openly state you want to get laid on your blog. Every guy does but every guy doesn't blog his innermost thoughts about it. You are still someone she has never met at this point.
HERE is what you do. You DON'T take no for an answer. As far as the headboard excuse just say..."okay...but that sounds like it shouldn't take up your WHOLE weekend." Or chose a different weekend and say you want to meet up for lunch/coffee/whatev. If she thinks you are cute (which she does b/c she has given you so much time) she will cave to persistency as long as the hang out is casual.
If for some reason she still comes up with tacky excuses (washing her hair, organizing her sock drawer, etc.)...USE your reasoning about clubbing with her. Maybe that will make the light bulb go off! Good luck!
Maybe she is just nervous? Scared? I mean, I would be. If I were in her shoes I would be worried that it would be awkward, or that we wouldn't click as well in person etc. I mean, that's just me and I freak out about meeting people for the first time, but my point is that perhaps she is like that and it's not you. Don't get too worked up about it. Relax and see what happens next..
Well....it IS the internet. It's possible she may think you're a fat old dude, which is always possible. I'm sure I've talked to many fat old dudes disguised as 20 year old girls on the web before...not anything new!
With some girls, that's just how it is. Since she hasn't met you in person yet, it's hard to say that she truly KNOWS you.
It's sad, because you're right... she knows you better than a dude at a bar would...
Agreeing with most of the comments that say it's just about timing. I've never tried the online dating thing, but if I did, I would want to wait more than 2 weeks, even if I did feel an instant connection with the guy.
And, I know she said she wouldn't, but I do totally think she'll have read this post. I probably would...
like she's really not going to read this post! i'd bet my savings she read it as soon as you posted.
by the way, fun blog - nice to read a guy's perspective. i'm subscribing. :)
So I'm in a similar situation with my blog crush but in my case when he offered to come visit me I of course said yes.
Why wouldn't I. We've been talking for a couple of months, I'm interested in him and quite frankly am dying to know what it would be like with the two of us face to face. It may suck or it may be effing amazing and to me its worth finding out.
She may be a bit nervous about it, so don't completely freak out about her not wanting you to visit yet. If you give it a bit more time and she still doesn't want you to go then somethings up.
sorry to hear about the rejection, but don't give up hope. i think your friend has it right by saying she's just nervous and needs more time. just keep talking to her and hopefully she'll warm up to the idea.
yep, she totally just wants her place too look good so she can shag ya the right way. Banging her head on her headboard. Be thankful.
And, secondly, AS IF she won't read this post. You're a moron for thinking she won't!
give it a couple more weeks and then try it...that's what happened when I started talking to a guy who mutual friends thought it would work out with. we met a month after talking, we had incredible chemistry in person, and we've been together for quite awhile now. I think just give it a couple more weeks. two weeks will fly by!
good luck!
-Shana
Let's be honest, if this doesn't work out you know that if you show up to the meetup in June you are going to be beating the ladies off with a stick. If you have Chris and Ben be your wingmen you could probably get laid right there on the dance floor....
Well. There's also always the possibility that she's too scared that you will dislike her if you meet her in real life. She maybe just wants to hang on to what you two have going on right now in case you meet her and completely dislike her and never want to talk to her again.
It took me seven years to finally muster up the courage to get on a plane and fly out to see a friend I'd met online, a friend who knew just about everything about me even though we had never met in person. Even though online and on the phone we got along terrifically, I was still terrified that if he met me in person he'd somehow hate me and we'd never speak again.
The best I can suggest is to actually talk to her about this instead of writing public posts that force her to break her promise of not reading it.
Oh, no! That seems like a major diss...AT FIRST. I agree that it doesn't make a lot of sense seeing how well things were going, but her version of the story might be different than yours. Not sayng she's not thinking that things are as fabulous as you are thinking, but maybe she just wants everything to be as perfect as possible before the big meet. (It could be that she's nervous because she doesn't want anything to screw up). That way if things don't go swimmingly (because sometimes first meets are awkward), you'll have tons of history to fall back on! Keep us posted!
To give you a little perspective, I talked to a local (see: a 10 minute drive) for 3 months on the internet before I'd meet with him for drinks and we were just friends. Why did it take so long? It's very weird sometimes to cross the comfort zone of a screen into the real world. Especially if you want to go up to see her without getting a hotel or stay with friends.
(Also, just fyi, if she reads this post, she may freak out. I get you're writing a dating/relationship blog, but perhaps writing about another blogger as things happen may not be the best route to move things along. I know if I read something like this, I'd probably take about 5 steps back.)
Ok putting up her headboard is code for "come help me then bang me until I am almost knocked unconscious from hitting my head on it."
I'm going to say she was just as excited and probably imagining a weekend with you until the actual moment you brought it up. Then it becomes real and there's this, "A guy from the internet is staying at my apartment". That might be a little extreme, but I'd bet it came up. It's not really you per se, it's the fact that you've never really met. Chemistry in person is different. Nerves play a huge role. People are different in person.
first, you are the second person to use that When Harry met Sally quote TODAY. Was it on TBS this weekend or something?
second, i just slept on a blogger's couch in chicago last week and we'd never even so much as talked on the phone. you're way ahead of the game- it'll work out. it's hard to gauge your feelings for someone (even who they really are) when you haven't spent any real face time with them, and perhaps she's worried about how it will change things-- good or bad.
I can understand your frustration. However, sometimes I think it is easier to go out with some random guy who you have no expectations than someone that you are interested in. You have nothing to lose with a stranger. I'm guessing that there is something in her past to make her a little gun shy towards relationships anyway. There is just so much pressure when you have a guy come to town to meet you. I suggest just taking it slow and let things pregress naturally. Ive been in her spot where you really want to meet up with the person but are just to scared to do it.
Man, I don't even know what to tell you. Maybe I'm ignorant about headboards but...how long can it possibly take to put one up? I can definitely see why you're not too thrilled with her response, but maybe she's just scared. Give it some time and maybe she'll get used to the idea of meeting up in person. Or..maybe she's just crazy. And yes, she totally read that post.
Yeah ... I think I emailed you on topic once. Sometimes they turn out to be AMAZING, sometimes they're just kinda there and sometimes they fizzle before you ever meet in person, virtual piles of shared information be damned. Just roll with what's working until it stops being fun.
If only I were shorter and less nominally Catholic, we'd be so perfect for each other. It makes me so jealous!
On the other hand, I've actually met you, so who's the lucky girl now?
I've given lamer excuses to guys i knew fo sho i wanted to see. Just relax and give it another try soon. just don't give up - confidence is really important.
I started reading the comments, but I didn't get throught them all so I'm sure other people have said this....
I completely think she's just nervous. It really sounds like she likes you just as much as you like her. Maybe she just got a bad haircut, or is getting over a recent breakout. When there is so much build up girls want everything to be perfect. Spontaneous is great, yes, but when it's really important we need time to prepare. Maybe lose a few extra winter lbs, maybe she has plans already with her family or something? Maybe her place is a huge mess and she needs time to clean. I'm sure whatever it is, it's not because she doesn't like you.
Hopefully, she was just nervous or scared. But if you are both honest with each other, then you should be able to ask her about it and maybe propose that she schedule a time when you can meet that way she's comfortable with it. Pretty lame excuse if you ask me, but whatev.
OK....
a.) I can vouch you're not a creepy fat man in real life.
3.) She definitely read this post.
d.) You shouldn't have invited yourself to her place. You should have invited to fly her to yours. The first is sort of intrusive/rude. The second is spontaneous, romantic, suave.
Um, she might've agreed not to read this, but what if she does? You're a brave man for taking that chance...
dude. you need to reign it in a bit. She might like to meet you in person, but just not for a 3 day marathon weekend. If I were here I would have freaked out because...
1. It sounded like you wanted to SPEND the weekend with her. at her place. overnight.
2. sometimes you seem a bit...needy. sorry, but I'm being honest. she might not want to jump into anything too fast and if she reads your blog at all, it seems like you really want to be in a relationship (not that there is anything wrong with that, it just is a bit scary for some people).
Why don't you suggest to her that you guys meet somewhere in between your respective cities? or that you have a friend in her city who you are going to visit and thought maybe she (Bree) would like to grab a beer while you are in town. Something not so scary as 'I want to come visit you and stay in your house for the weekend'
I choked on my coffee when I came to the phrase "rubbing on my boner."
Too fucking funny! Oh, and *full body shudder!* Dance boners = not OK. Women like men who can control themselves.
If you'd met her in person, she would know right away whether or not she's physically attracted to you. That's up in the air at the moment. I say capitalize on what she loves about your interactions, and don't bring up meeting again - make her want to see you.
I agree with you that it's pretty sad that people are still so fearful of bringing internet connections into real life. Unfortunately, that's just the way it is. For all she knows, you're really good at pretending you're not a 55 year old psycho killer.
All that said, she's obviously not quick on her feet, cause her excuse was stupid. And kudos to you, because I would not have been able to pass up the incredible opportunity afforded by the use of the word headboard. As in: "Oh, great, we can put up your headboard and then I'll have something to bind your wrists to!"
She is totally reading this.
Hey, lady? Suck it up and let SO come see you. Or we will find you!
So I'm not the only one who doesn't think FotC is hilarious and the funniest thing in the world? FINALLY! People thought I was crazy. I watched some sketches. I COULDN'T DO IT! I'm so happy I'm not the only one.
Lol. Oh, this post was kinda sweet, SO. And a definite risk! I give you mad props! I'm completely impressed, it says something awesome about your character. You do know she's going to read this post, right? Lol.
Wow. You have a lot of faith in her to think she's not reading, printing and re-reading this post. :) Good luck. I hope she's just got cold feet b/c she's thinking things are too good to be true and she'll eventually give in to her desires. :)
Man I was reading the beginning of this post and I was like yes a potential date/maybe relationship and then I read the excuse. (Like you I despise lame excuses) I prefer for people to just be upfront with me, especially women I have an interest in. Please don't make excuses if you don't like me you don't like me.
Anyway first let me say that having things in common I feel doesn't mean anything to women in relation to (good) men. What I mean is that you (a pretty decent dude) can have everything going for you, be everything they want in some other man, be funny, kind, thoughtful, share your life with them, put everything out on the table, and not be a jerk and they still don't like you. Honestly I say some women say they want something and have it in front of them, but then they don't want it.
Long story short: I would ask her about it. I mean she couldn't spare one day from the headboard? It was going to take three days? She may have been nervous or scared or she could just want this to remain this mysterious internet flirty game, but whatever it is 1) Try not to beat yourself up about it, 2) Don't question who you are, 3) If she doesn't want to date, relationship, or whatever you're looking for S0@24 keep it moving.
She probably is a little nervous to meet up after two weeks. Some people like to take there time.
hahahaha well, I do have to say this at least a little better than the time you were interested in your blog fan from over in norway or something. at least this one is in the same state.
i think:
a) this is very cute
b) she is reading this like everyone else said
c) you definitely definitely need to try again. she sounds interested but nervous. i mean, she is under a lot of pressure here! if things work out, she is under the scrutiny of all your readers.
Also, personally, I know I wouldn't be opposed to meeting someone on the internet, but it's not exactly the dream, romantic "we met this way" story , you know? I would have to come to terms with that myself. Which might be stupid, but what can I say... I'm a stupid romantic that way.
Oh, and finally... serious props to you for writing this. You are brave and amazing.
As you know I seldom comment here because you already get so many responses (and mostly from hot women) and I don't want you to go all man-diva. But. Dude.
I know exactly where you're coming from. I met an amazing woman recently at a party. I played it cool, since I figured she was so damned hot that she could have any man she wanted and I just don't care to play the "game" at this point in my life. But right before I left, SHE stopped ME to give me her number and asked me to call. Ten minutes later she's standing with me at my car, giving me a kiss goodnight and remarking "you'd better" when I promised to call her the next day.
I called, we talked, she remarked that she was eager to "explore how far we could go." Seems pretty straight forward, right? My search is over, right? Right?! Now, for days, I get no response to texts and voicemail every time I call (with no return call).
And women say WE'RE hard to figure out. F that. heh.
Subscribing to comments...
I'm in a similar situation, believe it or not. I've been flirting with the cousin of a friend on facebook for about a week and a half. We exchange daily e-mails and he even suggested coming to visit me. I took that and ran with it and sent him a somewhat sarcastic, yet witty e-mail detailing his "itinerary." He responded more than 24 hours later with neither a "yes" or a "no," but sarcastic banter that I cannot for the life of me decipher. I only wish there was a headboard involved in my story ;)
And P.S. - She is so gonna read this post!
i once invited a guy out to meet me and hang for a week that i knew from a band message board / IM/ long long long phone conversations. i wanted him to come out to see the band who's message board we met on because the tour wasn't going to his home state. he went as far to buy his ticket to the show (this I know because he later sent it to me) and arrange his travel plans (webcam photo of him and the plane ticket) to only go and cancel said trip because of two reasons:
1-I called him drunk one night after my wallet had been stolen and the people I was with weren't very sympathetic about it. So while I was bumming out, outside of the club waiting for my girlfriend to finish doing whatever inside and drive me home, I called him to keep me company. We'd talked in various states of drunk for HOURS at a time on many other nights. But all of a sudden calling him the night my wallet got stolen was "weird" and "clingy"
2-Also he canceled the trip because I had joked over IM that we'd probably totally make out. It was a total joke, not unlike ones he'd made several times before, both to me and on the message board. But when I said it might happen (hello he was going to crash in my room at my place for a week 3000 miles away from where he lived, it could happen) he freaked out and said he wasn't over his ex and canceled the whole trip.
We don't talk anymore. He did send me his ticket he bought for the show so I could get another friend into the show and it wouldn't go to waste.
LMAO! OMG!
I have to say I think she would read this post-- If I were her I would most definitely read it.
She's just being cautious maybe everything is happening too fast
You need to keep in mind that we ladies are always told that the men like the thrill of the chase, that if we make it too easy or seem too interested, they will run away. Perhaps she is just trying to make you work a little??
I agree with Martini on all points - she is a GD genius, that woman...
You were so close. Damn, I worry for you. I'm even de-lurking enough to use initials, so you know who this is. I may have to come out of retirement and get that beer we always discussed but never did. Did you consult Leo on this move first? Geez.
VI
ok here are my two cents, if they mean anything. I am also like you, impatient and if i like someone, i want to get it moving. I've done the whole internet dating thing and I, for one, will never meet the guy if it stays online too long. I push to meet right away because if we start chatting daily via IM or email eventually i will be less likely to want to take it offline. If that makes any sense.
I inherently don't like meeting online, i'd much rather the in-person meeting, to see the chemistry etc. Maybe she's just scared, or maybe she really did have to put up a headboard. A really really complex headboard that takes two days to put together.
Good luck with it all and let us know what happens!!
Headboard? Did you offer to be the first notch in it?
Because that would be a bad idea.
But totally worth it.
Girls are down for spontaneity, but we have to feel comfortable with you. We only do spontaneous things (skydiving, random trips to Vegas) with people we trust. Even though you guys know a lot about each other, you guys have never met, so honestly, how can she trust you?
I think you just jumped the gun.
It's a big deal- Meeting the person that she probably likes for the first time. She's nervous and making a spontaneous trip to meet her isn't doing anything to quell those nerves.
Kid gloves yo.
You're totally right about the whole bar vs. internet social acceptability standards...makes no sense.
I hope things work out with you and Bree.
Sorry mate. It's not your fault. She's probably just married and hiding it from you, that's all.
You think you know someone.
Tou're coming across as a needy guy. If some guy I was talking to on the net/phone, whatever, invited himself to my house for a weekend? I'd FREAK! Back off a little. Needy guys are a turn off. Oh yeah, she's read this and memorized it. You didn't really think she wouldn't read it, did you? Your post alone may have blown the deal.
Hhhhmmm, I am sure she was nervous. I might have (well probably would have) done the same thing. Give it a little more time. Maybe she isn't like the other girls that like the boners on their thighs and giving strangers their numbers.
How do you know for sure that she isn't reading this??
It didn't take much investigating to figure out who this girl is. I happen to read both your blogs and made the connection with the list you made.
From reading her blog, this girl is pretty BA and has stuff going on all the time. While spontaneity is awesome, she seems the type to need a "scheduled spontaneous moment"...if that makes any sense.
-K
Take it off of yourself.....What if she is seeing someone/just started seeing someone/playing the field/place is a rat trap/has 17 cats and stuffed animals on her bed? So many factors at play when you don't meet someone in person first to rule out the extra 20 lbs she may have put on since she took the photo she sent you.
I think that I speak for all of us hear when I say that the next time you use the word "Headboard" in the title of one of your posts we'd like it to be more along the lines of, "My head hurts this morning because it kept hitting the headboard over and over again last night!"
shes probably just nervous! Some people don't feel like they really know you until they have met you in person. Give it some time and see where it goes. If you really think you like her then don't give up just yet!
Man, ballsy for you to post this when you know she's a reader. Also ballsy for you to trust her to not read this post.
Seriously, though, I'm all for you going to SF and meeting this chick, but don't put so much pressure on it! You've been friends for a while... would it be too much to go see her in a *friendly* way?
Dude- she's actually not going to read it????!????
Ummm... NO GIRL WOULD BE ABLE TO RESIST READING IT.
Hi Bree!!! Why not hang out with SO?
I would have read it so my bet's on that she has too.
Good luck. Internet starts to relationships can make them lots more intense than a normal start to a relationship can be, so she is right to take it slow. (Trust me, I know this from experience).
I think you and I can both agree that in the blogging world, we are far more honest, blunt and opinionated than in real life. When I met you I was surprised at how quiet and timid you actually were.
Oh and I just saw an episode of Flight of the Conchords and thought it was pretty silly. I mean its no Steve Martin, but still, understandably funny enough to be a hipster pop culture phenomenon. Seems like good clean humor to me. :)
ok seriously... if she has any sense at all, she wont read this post... but if her curiosity is as bad as mine... she'll read it. i hope she doesn't tho.
and i hope you get to meet her. but be patient. we get scared. i made up a stupid excuse not to see a guy i'm talking to over the net and now i regret it. but, we'll try again. and so will you.
dude. just chill. im sure she likes u N ur over-reacting. :)
Yikes dude. That sucks. We need a ruling from Leo on this one.
I think I am a terrible Kiwi for never having watched FotC. The UK office is infinitely superior.
A whole weekend with someone you've never met in person is a big call. Some people are very good pretenders. I have no doubt that you are for real, but I'd still be nervous. Give it a wee while. She'll read the post, and then you can both figure out the best way forward.
Good luck :)
Dude,give it some time.If it happens,it happens.
...
and if it doesn't,then it wasn't meant to be.
first off you just quoted when harry met sally! you are my hero =] my fav part is at the beginning when she says "its to bad, you would have been the only person i would have known in new york."
second off, i would have taken the headboard comment as a sexual statement but if it wasnt dont be down on yourself. things will turn up.
BLOGIRLFRIEND! I knew it!
She has agreed not to read the post huh? No way I could stick to such an agreement if it had been me.
I don't know what to tell ya. I've never had a blog romance myself.
But goodness . . . what a brave way to throw yourself out there, with this post and all. Of course, the rest of us will want to know what happens next!
Em
PS it is kinda weird that she would choose a headboard over you . . . maybe she was trying to flirt . . . like hoping that you'd help her put it up? maybe she just doesn't want you to see her bed without the headboard. maybe she's weird. or maybe you were wrong the whole time. some girls are bitches and lead guys on for no reason. and other girls just get scared. Be patient. See what happens next time you talk.
Em
this entire time I was thinking "uh, SO... didn't you meet through blogs? won't she SEE ALL OF THIS?!"
headboard VS a potential man friend/hook-up.... hmmm.... how to choose..... ?!?!?!
cut your loses and run.
Wow, that story makes me sad. :(
I'd write more, but I have to go jiggle my toilet handle.
Sure! I e-mailed you about it.
haha. i like lbluca's comment. see? positive thinking.
also, i'm glad you posted this.
errrrrrrr body in the club get tipsy.
Keep your head up. Just remember, that if it's meant to happen it will.
You idiot, blogging about it... this is going to be Caitlin/Kali all over again.
You sound just like B. When we were in the getting to know you stage, he would talk about how it was so easy to get a girl's number in a bar, they give it out like candy. But ask a girl for her number or to meet or talk in real life on a dating site, and it is all "I have to get to know you better." He was right. I immediately surrendered my number.
fyi, i added u to the meme i posted. i'm sure ur blog well isn't dry, but ur readers migh be interested in knowing such info...
maybe you shouldnt have come on so strong. next time say you'll be in the san fran area visiting a friend and if she wants to go for a bite while youre there. if her headboard is more important, then shes probly not rdy.
but she didnt tell you adios, so she's probly still interested, just not as anxious to meet in person. take it slow. i know ure in a hurry, but if she doesnt want to meet just yet, give it time.
Good Luck!
oh and im sure she's read this post fifty times over since you posted it. ;D
Dolce is a smart woman. Shes usually right about things...unless it comes to talking about pizza.
You bring up some great points at the end there.
Wait, wait, wait. You aren't into FOTC? Excuse me while I put a new headboard on my bed.
Oh wait, you've heard that one? I mean, wash my hair.
Sorry, SO, that sucks. Frustration, thy name is SO.
Also....
come on, she totally read this post.
love love This American Life.
www.why is there so much controversy behind meeting someone through the internet? i'm with you - i'd much rather hang with someone that is intelligent/humorous enough to create a blog than to meet someone grindin on my back side to the tunes of some gangster rap.
her loss man. i'd back it off and let her come to you next time. when she's ready.
Good thing for your footnote, I wondered how you were going to get around the blogging-about-a-blogger-backlash clause.
That being said, not all girls like spontaneous guys. Or they like spontaneity sometimes, but not all the time. It may be because you met through the internet, or it could be because she's just cautious about guys in general.
Take a step back, take a deep breath, and see what happens next. If she keeps shutting you down when you mention a visit, then maybe she's not into you.
Or perhaps she is into you, and she's terrified of spoiling good online chemistry with the possibility of a spark-less meeting. The fantasy is often better than the reality, so sometimes we chicken out and choose to stay in fantasy land.
Or maybe she really was just super-excited about that headboard.
There are boundless potential explanations. Give it some time before you throw in the towel.
I WAS gonna read the comment section to see which comments you were referring to in your "I think it's time for a Zach Morris time out" but when I realized there were 93 comments, most of which are longer than the blog itself, I skimmed through like, four.
And they all seemed pretty well-put, so what the hell are you talking about?
Now here are MY two cents: Girls DO love spontaneous guys. I, for one, listed it as one of my "requirements" in the "what qualities you're looking for in a guy" section when I was subscribed to match.com. If she's hesitant, she may have something to hide, no? Maybe a boyfriend she hasn't told you about? Perhaps her parents are overprotective and will freak out if she's meeting a guy from the net? Or, maybe, just MAYBE, she's one of the cautious ones. I don't know, it's hard for me to relate or understand that, especially since she's a follower of your blog and vice versa, and she's talked so much with you on the phone, I'm sure she feels like she "knows" you already, you know? But still, that may very well be the case. I simply cannot fathom that she's not interested. When a girl isn't interested in a guy, she doesn't spend hours talking to him on the phone, dude, trust me.
Only she really knows the answer to that...
Have you tried talking to her about it? It sounds like you guys are pretty close, and communication is key...
Good luck to you! :)
I think Bree wants some phone sexual but that's it. Maybe it's time to get over that one...
As you may have read on my blog, I flew half-way across the country to hook up with a fellow blogger. After about two weeks.
So... yeah.
Headboard? Really, Bree?
Everyone's different, though, and maybe she's had bad experiences meeting internet dudes before. Not bad like 'you're going to eat her intestines' but bad like 'maybe you won't click and it will be hella awkward'. Especially if you were planning to stay with her. You should NOT plan to do that. You should plan to hang with other friends and just grab a drink with her-- if things progress from there, so be it...
p.s. I 100% agree on the UK/US thing and would borderline consider you a soulmate BASED PURELY ON THAT.
S@24...sometimes you are your own worst enemy. Cut her some slack, she' a girl...and most likely is over-analyzing everything. Go see her, booze it up, and relax.
Your blog makes me hot and bothered.
Okay, I just really wanted you to have 100 comments on this post.
I feel like a groupie.
I know I'm totally late on this one, but you're being too hard on yourself. Give it some time.
If it's meant to be, it will. Just because this weekend didn't work out doesn't mean she's not into you. Us females like to overanalyze stuff -- that's probably what's going on.
I might have missed you saying so, but did ask her why she declined a visit over the weekend?
Maybe a three day weekend visit just sounded a little overwhelming to her for a first visit.
hehehe
that might be dangerous...
that's exactly how I met my wife... her blog! ;)
way to go mate! :)
Basically, I agree. It is a weird standard, but many people feel this way because the internet is a scary place and people could pretend to be someone they're not yadda yadda. Even though you really know someone better after two weeks of talking on the phone and reading each others' blogs for a while, than a random guy at a bar.
I met an ex of mine on Myspace. He sent me a message, I replied, we sent a few more mnessages, a week later we started IMing, and three weeks after the initial message from him we met up. It didn't work out but that had nothing to do with how we met. Sometimes you just have to take a chance.
But at the same time, you have to respect her choice. Either she really wasn't all that serious, or she just felt a bit overwhelmed and thinks it's too soon to meet up?
But, I also doubt she hasn't read this post, to be honest.
A few things...
She read this post.
If I were this Bree... I'd be privately flattered that you were so impatient to meet me. But did you ever stop to think that maybe SHE'S a little nervous too? Why is it you boys can't wait for anything? There's games, and then there's game playing. Like a fine wine, it will get better with time. Just let it marinate!
I see what you're saying about the bar thing but
1) not all girls are whores who would sleep on you unwashed jersey sheets after a drunk dance, and it is a little rude of you to presume so.
2) you probably wouldn't want a girl (long-term) who did do these kind of things.
Bottom line: standards are awesome, and I agree with what your friend said- being you right up front will make it easier in the long run. Make sure you aplogize for this rant to Bree & tell her you were blowing off steam. If it comes up, promise that anything too signifigant will not be posted here... I'd be concerned about that if I were her.
Good luck & I am greatly amused by your foibles.... keep doing your thing:)
She totally read it. I would have. Or I would have had someone else read it outloud to me, just so I could say I didn't actually read it. Girls are sneaky.
From a girl's perspective: Maybe instead of going JUST to see her, you could go down there with a friend for a different purpose, road trip if you will, then you meet up with her and her friends for drinks one of the nights you're there. Less pressure on her to like you and put up with you for a whole weekend, and she then has someone to talk about you with after you leave.
Aw I just want to hug you sometimes. You are way too hard on yourself and that definitely seeps thru into your writing (possibly your life as well?!?!)
Be patient. Making a trip from LA to San Francisco can be seen as a big deal. If she is spending this much time taking to from blogger to real life then there is something there.
Again, I say be patient with her. And you are a sweetheart.
Now deep breathe.
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