When you've grown up in a Vietnamese family, there are a few things you can always count on being asked about the following items when you return home for the holidays:
a. Your education or career e.g. "Why didn't you do engineering or pharmacy?"
Immediately afterward, you will be interrogated on the second most important subject on the agenda:
b. Your love life.
You see, in a Vietnamese family, nothing is off limits. Your business is everyone's business. No one is spared.
I've discussed before how my aunt grilled me during a family trip a few years back, but this year my uncle received the distinguished honor of having the most uncomfortable conversation with me.
My uncle was over for dinner at my father's house. This would be the last time I would see him in awhile as he was retiring from his job to move to Vietnam to be with his new wife.
The details of how he met his wife aren't quite clear to me and I follow a strict, "the less you know, the better" policy when it comes to family.
... but the circumstances of my uncle and his young, Vietnamese wife's union it's pretty damn well implied.
I had just finished scooping my uncle a bowl of rice; he wasted no time getting down to business.
My Uncle: So So@24, you have a girl yet? You in a relationship?
I intentionally didn't make eye contact as I reached for a piece of shrimp with my chopsticks.
So@24: No, no girls yet.
My Uncle: What!? You in LA, man!
So@24: That's what everyone says, but well... here I am. Can you pass me the Hoisin sau--?
My Uncle: I can help you out.
...
So@24: wat.
My Uncle: I'm serious. You like asian girls? I can give you email addresses.
Partially chewed rice dropped out of my gaping mouth right back into my bowl.
Did my 60 year old uncle just offer to help me out with my dating life? By offering me email addresses of some asian girls?
...
Wowza.
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89 comments:
I think it's funny how you wrote using the same grammar he did and that he had to ask you if you like Asian girls. What kind of Vietnamese family are you in anyway?
Kidding.
lol FUNNY!!
Well, look on the bright side; at least he didn't ask if you are gay.
Haha, maybe you should take him up on his offer?
If it makes you feel better, it's not just the Vietnamese families that do such things. My family is Italian and you should hear some of the things they say/ask...
Wowza!
I was lucky enough to be "adopted" by Vietnamese co-workers when I was living alone in Dallas, and I attended a bunch of their family parties. I definitely do not miss the grilling, but I do miss the food!
start being worried when they try to set you up with guys. seriously.
Soooooooo....you emailed?
Oh c'moooon. It could be funny.
Or illegal.
Okay, be careful there.
I think this "helpfulness" is universal to all families. And friends. And friends of friends. Oh, and neighbors. And friends of neighbors. The list goes on.
oh heeeeellllll no!
ummm, are these women friends with your uncles new wife? That could be... well... interesting.
Umm, wow. So did he give you that e-mail address? Because that sounds a little... sketch?
Your family sounds kind of like mine in that nothing is off limits.
Never get set up by family members. NEVER.
wow - I can only imagine where those addresses would lead.
"me lavvv u looong tiiiime" ;)
(not me personally)
I'm not sure whether to say aww that he wants to help, laugh because it's hilarious or just leave it at: er?
I'd just say, "Why don't we talk about why I didn't go into pharmacy?"
That is humiliating, but not unexpected, from what you say here. But I am confused - I thought the whole point of taking a young Asian bride was to bring them here. They are the ones who need to escape. What is your uncle running from, to go back there?? I'd say you could talk about this for awhile instead - turnabout is fair play...
VI
ha. i love the asian culture. no matter the location, as soon as family assembles, the questions come flying out at her relating from dating to sex. i think they actually thought she was still a virgin at 26 until she just told them that she got knocked up after a one night stand. ::shaking head::
xoxo.
Mmm, she might be able to make proper Phở. Worth trying as far as i'm concerned.
Although, my sister is married into a Chinese family and they are way worse, especially as they offered to helped with getting her up the duff :S i didnt ask how !
Sounds like you are the only one following that policy. It could be worse though, my mother consistently offers up that I'm "good with kids" or how she "wants one around, until she can give it back". And, so far, they haven't assumed you are gay; there's still hope ;)
Picturing this moment in my mind made me laugh. An awful lot.
Ouch!
Oh, wow... how awkward!
niiiiiiiiiiiiice !
ha! Wow, thats gotta suck! But thats not just Vietnamese families. I think its all families. Or at least the one my moms from!
LMAO!!!!
Hey, you're not the only one who gets hounded by their family members about their love life (or lack there of) during the holidays... Mine don't even wait until the holidays... They ask on a regular basis... I can actually count down to the second when they're going to ask me... The longest they've waited after I step foot into the house is six minutes.
=/
Take the numbers its always a good fall back. You know, just in case. Not that you'll need them.
But take them anyway.
Hhmm...
I'm just curious. Would contacting these girls mean you would have to move to Vietnam too?
If that's the case, I vote no.
Awwwww. Sounds like my family. This year, before anyone could say anything, I made it very clear to them that my New Years resolution was to stay away from boys- that should keep them from asking any questions...at least for the first month of the year hah.
Wat.
You did take them, right? Just incase?!
your uncle, my Mom. Last visit she was trying to set me up with a smelly hippie son of her smelly hippie friend.. Apparently my love of running/heated water and electricity was too big an obstacle for both of us. Well that and my insistance on regular bathing.
Are you sure they are email addresses of people in North America?
too funny! and the story of my life .
every holiday without fail someone has to absolutely humiliate me. lucky for me this year, my cousin bore the brunt due to the fact that she's entering her 7th year of her undergrad. thank you J. for being indecisive and deflecting attention away from my entry-level assistant status and singleness!
Oh family, always bringing the AWESOME to the dinner table.
Your family sounds a lot like mine. "Have a boyfriend yet?!" "Don't you ever want to get married and have children?!"
Yes, that's why I was put on this earth. To procreate. Fabulous.
your blog voice and your real voice sound completely different.
Hm, would it be so bad if he tried to hook you up? I mean, it might be worth a shot, right? LoL.
If it makes you feel any better, your grandmother could give you gifts every year to remind you that you're single - I'm going to have to go with the "Star light, Star bright, Where the heck is Mr. Right" throw pillow as being my favorite. Because that doesn't make you look desperate to potential suitors at all...
Make sure they poke holes in the mail-order box!!!!
Burying dead people is a bitch
How about with your great-uncle gives a baby some wine, eats a cigarette, and then pinches your boyfriend's butt. Hard.
That sucks.
I used to live with a Vietnamese family. They called my michong...am I spelling that right? Well if your 60 year old Uncle can find someone, there must be hope!
Ok, that is too funny. You just reminded me of an embarrasing story I have to blog about in a few days. lol
Aww, bless his little heart. You never know, you could score yourself a beautiful younger woman and move over to Vietnam aswell....its a beautiful country, plus your American dolars would make you totally rich! You'd be a bazillionaire in Dong...
i was waiting for the part where he pulls out a catalogue for you to browse.
Aren't families just grand?
It might be an asian thing on the whole, but your family sounds a lot like mine.
Tip: pass on those email addresses. Trust me.
I'm single and this Christmas my mom suggested I start thinking about freezing my eggs. I'm 28.
I'm so glad no one in my family seems to care if I'm in a relationship or not. Makes my life so much easier!
oh boy. apparently your uncle is a pimp...literally, haha.
here's to the holidays being OVER
ha ha ha. that is classic!
i think its parents' mission to marry you off so they can stop worrying about you. I think the jokes on them cus they wont ever stop worrying.
SO@24 - You know it's bad when...
How. Embarrassing. Also, laughing here (in sympathy) for messypuppy's comment!
NICE!
When do they come out here? Do we get to meet them?? DID YOU MISS ME?!? ;)
Oh, and that kind of interrogation is not just limited to Vietnamese families-- I think that's ALL families!!
(Yes, just like everyone else said!) :D
Yeah... no.
Just no.
i am SO THANKFUL we don't discuss Personal Issues in my immediate family. when aunts/uncles are involved though? every man for himself. it's delightfully awkward.
Rice...Hoisin Sauce yippee! I totally dig these with phở and peking duck! :D
Family will always be family, and the older the members get, the stranger and more empowered they become when it comes to embarrassing the younger generations (it must be the authority-from- wisdom-from- existing-for epochs argument). It's really unfortunate that you really aren't into Asian girls. Otherwise, your uncle may have succeeded flooding your inbox with pics and messages from all over ASEAN. I'm Asian as well, and amidst all the Hollywood crushes and the Boston-NY trips, I'd still end up with one of our own (although my eyes often wander to Caucasians)... maybe it's just timing cause I really don't have racial preferences...and the fact that everyone is just so tall. haha!
If you don't want 'em, I'll take 'em! ;-)
At least he's giving you options and not just beatin ya down. Okay, not much better, I know. Although, I was totally waiting for either a happy endings massage place reference or a mail order bride website.
My family decided that now they're not going to question, they're just going to talk about my wedding as if it is happening in a few months and whenever we talk about ages or milestones they throw in a "i hope you're married by then"
Families suck. I say next time you just tell him you're more of a "hit it and quit it" kind of guy.
I only recently started following you - so this might be my first comment, but hello! This was hilarious to me because until very recently my almost-80-year-old grandfather had a SIGNIFICANTLY better dating/sex life than my own and I always found in very creepy/hilarious/disturbing when he openly discussed such things. You're not alone in family humiliation.
One year at Christmas I came home after breaking up with a long term bf. My grandma told me to "play the field."
The next year when I came home still single, she called me an old maid.
This year, she invited me as her buddy on old-person bus trip to the casino.
These are reasons we don't get to pick our families.
Ah, the Asian family, I've gone through my fair share. And you know what, it's not only the single people! When you're in a relationship, you get things like,
- when are you getting married?
- when are the kids coming along?
- why aren't you married yet?
- where will you buy your first house?
It's never-ending.
Dude, your uncle is a pimp. In a good way. I think.
Go Uncle, man. Nice. Though I suppose it IS kind of disturbing that he seems to have this list of email addresses for available asian girls . . . yipes. They're probably all nutso too. I'd stay away from that pot if I were you.
Em
throw in some talking of feta cheese and gyros and that could be a convo with me and my aunts.
minus the asian girl emails obviously.
Now that's a good time. What a fun bonding experience with your uncle! ha ha
Yikes.
My relatives all asked me about my post-graduation plans and if I have boyfriend yet. They were more sympathetic about the lack of boyfriend than your fam.
My relatives never ask about my love life. It's blissful.
And my relatives have never offered to hook me up with mail-order (email order?) brides before! You lucky dog you!
Ahhh, the joys of an Asian family. No topic is taboo. No question is too embarassing to ask in front of everyone else.
Lol, this story makes me feel so much better about myself. I
n front of all my family, at Christmas dinner, my wee sister (8) turns to me and says "So when is your boyfriend going to give you his seed?"
Just like that. Completely out of nowhere. I feel your pain, families should be kept away from such discussions!
The bigger question is how your uncle got hold of these numbers ...
I can extend that to the Indian side of the world too.... the first couple of times your jaw drops at their questions... after that you can use humour to pass it on!
I wish I had an uncle offering me Asian girls (he's talking about regular girls and not hookers, right?)
Hmm. At least he thinks you're dateable! :)
Ha, I think not just Vietnamese family...mostly Asian as it's the same with mine!
Happy new year to you...
Your uncle is a dude... for scoring a young wife, offering to help your love life and being in possession of 'asian girls' emails :P
Freaking hilarious!
I also can help musing how many non-asian guys I know who would jump at that offer... walking stereotypes, the lot of 'em :)
awwwwwwkwwaaaaarrrd.....
That is pretty amusing!
Maybe your Uncle can help me out too?
BTW, I'm totally jealous that you can eat with chop sticks!!! I've tried and tried but I just can't figure them out...
Ahahahahahahahaha....... Not the first time your blog made me laugh at my computer screen, but I could relate, somewhat. I've lost count of how many times my parents have dragged me to both family and "friend" (aka at least 50 Asian mothers who want to set me up with their sons) functions, during which I was repeatedly asked, "so, do you have a boyfriend yet?" At least every 2.2 seconds. Including the times when there was food in my mouth.
Ahahaha. I'm still chuckling.
My mom use to talk to women and get their #'s....wing woman/mom!
I needed a laugh thank you for posting this. Anyway yeah I would have been messed up if my 60 year old uncle did the same thing lol. But you're not alone, my aunt tries to hook me up with some of the girls she mentors (WHAT???), a cousin thinks I should score women at church or score with them, and one of my cousins thinks I should have babies with a girl and trap her (WTH) Family boy man...
sketch. town! hahahaha.
That was absolutely hilarious! I so wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that one!!
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