How do you ever really find out if a girl is even remotely interested? What tactics can you execute in order to gain this extremely valuable insider information?
Fuck. It used to be so much easier back in high school.
You used to have at least a little something to go on. A mole on the inside. A friend to give you the real insight into that complex female brain.
I remember it use to be as easy as buttoning up my letterman's jacket, confidently strolling over to a crowded table of her friends and asking one of them to speak with you while she was in the mid-dip of a cafeteria curly fry in ketchup. You pulled them aside and got the inside scoop on whether or not her friend had any interest in you.
It was that simple. It gave you peace of mind and you were able to keep doing what you were doing.
I'm beginning to realize that you don't get that luxury anymore. Once your ass is booted from the cushy social circles that are high school and college, you're left to fend for yourself.
You don't have that "friend's net" to fall back on like you do when you're in high school or college. Sure, a lot of people today meet potential romantic interests through friends, but what happens when you meet someone who isn't friends with any of your friends?
How are you ever supposed to at least know if you're steering the Santa Maria on its correct course? Or if you're just wasting your fucking time?
I hate having to figure this out on my own. I feel like I've been dropped off on a deserted island with nothing but a giant palm leaf covering my genitalia and told, "Goodluck, you bastard!"
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74 comments:
I wish I had great words of wisdom, but most of the time I cross my fingers, take a swig of liquid courage and go for it...
then again that rarely ends well.
I stick with the principle that if s/he is interested in you, they will make the effort to make time for you, even if that time expires at the end of one night, if you catch my drift.
PS I keep seeing those damn Axe hair commercials and it reminds me of you...and then it makes me sad that your hair had to suffer.
I'm thinking that by mid-twenties, girls are pretty easy reads. They're either just up for action or they're looking for a nice relationship (not necessarily MARRIAGE, but a nice relationship). You just have to be clear in your mind what YOU want. Otherwise, you'll confuse HER. So, get your own head together, then look for her signs (and believe me, it's not rocket science to tell between those two extremes--the in-the-middle girls you can just leave out--too much hassle).
And be glad the palm leaf is giant. It could be mini; at least you've got that goin' for ya. :)
You're right. It was easier in high school. Now though, you just have to simply man up and find out for yourself. It gets easier to figure out the complexities of it all.
Go with your gut. You know the difference between her face lighting up when you walk into a room and "She's Just Not That Into You".
And despite being able to ask her friends in high school, anonymity has now moved to technology. Does she text you back immediately? Accept your Facebook request? etc.
Or, as scary as it sounds, just walk right up and ask the girl. Most things worth having aren't easy.
Um, here's something simple and effective: Ask them.
Just a thought... ;)
I think asking them is the way to go.... worst case scenario she says no, and you at least have an answer.
If she says yes, than you know she's interested in you, and she knows you must have some interest in her, other wise you wouldnt have asked...
Is she poking you and chasing you around the playground? If not, then you should move on.
you only say you wish you were back in highschool because you're fairly far away from it.
highschool was never as easy as walking up to someone.
be happy that you are an adult
Yeah I call BS. High school is filled with teenagers and teenagers are mean and childish and afraid to be vulnerable and lack a certain degree of empathy for the other sex.
What I like about the twentysomething dating world it's easier to find a girl that is an ADULT that doesn't play games and has realisitic expectations. Who cares if she likes you? Trying to second guess this is just throwing yourself into a spiral of doubt and self-pity. Act like every girl should be lucky to date you and decide if she is worth YOUR time.
Girls are pretty easy to read. If she looks at you and literally studies your face (I mean stares at you to the point that it could be misinterpreted as rude), then she likes you. But ... if it's a new crush then she won't be able to look you in the eye. If she's shy. And all that face studying will be done when you're not seeing it (so employ a friend of your own to notice this kind of thing). She fidgets with her hands ... pushes back her hair behind her ear or something. I don't know ... it's just an energy that you can feel.
well u could always ask her on a date. if she says no then you know for sure that she ain't interested. or do u want to know if she's interested before asking her out on a date? well, she'll laugh at everything you say, she'll tilt her head to the side, play with her hair ... it's all about body language.
I'd say don't overcomplicate it. Go with the leaf-covered genital feeling and just throw caution to the wind. The worst that can happen is you shell out cash for a few meals and antibiotics in the end.
just as it is for guys, the biggest deal-breaker for a girl (if she likes the guy) is lack of confidence.
So, stop worrying about all this crap and just do it. Be confident. Ask her out, and remember that if she says 'no', it's her loss and you've got one less girl to figure out.
What do you have to lose?!
I always wanted a letter jacket in high school...
Certaintly wasn't going to get one for academics...
I didn't know that letter jackets actually existed. You've taught me so much.
unfortunately there is no easy answer to this. You just have to do your thing and see where it goes. if your interested ask her out, youll find out pretty quickly if its going anywhere.
I agree with Sid. We do flirty things with our body language. Like, touch your arm or leg, laugh at your jokes even if they're stupid, put our hair behind our ears (sometimes twirl it), we don't try to be so mysterious with our signs, its actually very subconscious for us. But definitely the energy will be there. you'll feel it like a force keeping y'all close together in communication or eye contact or laughter or something.
Confidence is sooooo Key though. I always always always find a guy a bazillion times more attractive if he's like "hey, i'm interested in what this could turn in to" or something like that. Be forward, make the first move.
I feel if she is interested, you will know. She will let you know as long as you are open with her.
And just as everyone else said, confidence is key.
I think I have gotten to the age where if I like a guy I just tell him. I don't have time to dick around. Not getting any younger.
I'm glad I'm not a boy. Too much pressure! I wouldn't be able to handle it!
This is a little guide I've used to help me figure out if a woman likes me.
If she's breathing, then she hates me.
If she's not breathing, then she's dead and I refuse to resort to banging dead chicks, so it doesn't really matter if she likes me or not.
Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
Is this a friend or a girl you don't know that well? I feel like there is a diference b/w lust and actually liking someone for who they are on top of being attracted to them. Isn't if someone is physically attracted to you pretty obvious? It's how they look at you. And if you know you are good-looking than most members of the opposite sex probably are physically attracted to you.
That being said... when it comes to a guy liking a girl he knows for her personality on top of looks...
BOLDNESS IS KEY. If a guy I know makes an effort, I am willing to give him a chance. I think most girls are... and if they aren't how much fun would a date have been anyway?
One-on-one hang outs are always good because then you can read the vibes the other person is giving you. Hang out with her!! It should become pretty clear :-)
wait....you had a letter jacket? I would have eaten you alive in high school....stop smirking!!!
I would say if you like her and she gives you the same amount of attention you give her, you're doing pretty good.
I wouldn't stress, though. This is all part of dating as an adult, my friend. It's a confusing mess.
A good friend of mine from University asked me to help him help his friend with low confidence. The same general rule applies here (even if the situation is different): Ask. Be direct. What's the worst that could happen? I'll tell you, she says no and walks away. The older you get, the less likely women are to be immature, which means they aren't going to laugh in your face, throw a drink at you or even hit you with their miniscule clutch.
Besides, haven't you ever heard that confidence is sexy? Women like you to be direct and flustering them with a surprise direct move will score you big points.
Way to add the 'giant' to the 'palm leaf' image there. smoooooth....
VI
We women go through the exact same thing. It definitely gets harder as we get older.
Usually the older a woman gets, the less likely she's going to waste your time or her's. So you'll know if she likes you or not.
There's always the option of just asking her. ;)
Nut Up...Ask her out...She may say no, but she may also say yes. In other words, grow a pair.
There is nothing simpler than to be straightforward and to the point. Perhaps you haven't found the "one" because you are not sure what you ARE looking for versus what you don't want in the other person. I think you are cutting yourself short of meeting great girls since you don't even give it a try. Take a chance, you never know if the "one" was someone you passed up.
lovey i think perhaps you should ask S@24 (not to be confused with SO@24) - maybe he has the answer ; )
hm. i feel you on this ~
i'm sort of in the same dilemma. had an awesome date, kissed goodnight .. nothing ever since. he did say that he liked me a lot but needed to get to know me more before "dating" me. hmm.
i'm perplexed - what went wrong?
how you do know if someone actually is interested in you? what, is it in code nowadays?
*L
Yes, you're right, you're totally on your own now. But what is so hard about trying? You don't know unless you try. And what is so hard about the possibility of a girl not being interesting in you? I approach guys all the time. The worst they can do is say they're not interested. In that case, move-on.com! You can do it!
Maybe I'm a sick individual, but I think it's part of the fun of dating ... not knowing what the other person is thinking exactly. I mean, you have some idea ... but if you knew everything I don't think it would be as exciting.
All I can say here is . . . I totally know where you're coming from!!!
its more like the titanic than the santa maria
(and no, not because it was a love boat)
But now we can buy our own alcohol making post high school soooo much better.
You are making this far too complicated. If you want to know if a girl is interested, offer to take her out for coffee or ask her to see a movie or buy her a drink. If she's into it, then yes, she's probably interested. It's as easy as that.
A giant palm leaf?
Hot damn!!! Girls are missing out!
Polygraph test.
I tell you how you know. You swing for the fences and ask her, dammit! heh.
What's the worst she'll do? Castrate you? Say no, she's not that into you? Ask you if you can hammer a nail through a board with your penis?
You and I are in the same boat, my friend. But you're FAR better looking than I am so if I can do it, well, you know the saying.
The next question is, you want to kill a few beers next time I'm in L.A. (which is actually now. lol)?
It sucks but you've just got to take that leap. The first step is the hardest. Just go for it! :)
i know i probably shouldn't be laughing at your plight but by golly that was some funny shit, mister.
and i'd like to personally apologize on behalf of my gender for being such damned complex and confusing c-bags. it's in our dna.
In college, my interpersonal communication professor told us that if you don't find the person you're going to marry in college you're basically f-ed.
Truth. (or so I've found)
But I've also found that in the real world if a man and a woman meet and start talking, it's almost never to start a new friendship...
Welcome to how the rest of us went through High School.
I was a mess in the dating world so all I have is sympathy. Good luck.
I DO share friends with the guy(s) I'm curious about/interested in, and it's still really fucking hard! So here I am, commiserating, as usual.
I'm pretty sure the only way there is to gauge a person's interest (without a middle man or girl) is basically just...do you guys have any chemistry?
Does she laugh when your funny? Is she paying attention to whatever nonsense your talking about? Are you genuinely enjoying taking to each other?
If the answer is yes, then the next step is critical...
MAKE A MOVE! Ask for her #. Ask if she'd like to get together sometime. She's HARDLY EVER going to do this to you, so you gotta just go for it & don't be afraid of rejection. If all the signs were there, then there really is no reason why she wouldn't say yes.
If she's acting not interested. She probably isn't. So skip step #2. Move on. Talk to someone else. Keep on looking until you find someone worth your time. That is what mingling is all about haha.
Chemistry. Remember that SO. haha.
If you gave us some details, we (meaning, your female readers) could totally tell you if the girl in question is interested. But in general, I think girls are usually pathetically bad at hiding their feelings. If you have an inkling that she likes you, she probably does. UNless she's one of those people who kind of flirts with everyone. Then..up in the air!
I'm going to go with the classic "Just ask her." Really, chicks dig honesty. It's kind of hot.
It's definitely tough! Good luck and wish me luck too.
Of course it had to be a giant palm leaf, a regular palm leaf wouldn't do. Men and their penis size. lol.
Yeah, it was so much easier in high school. Now you actually have to, I don't know, make an effort.
Boggles the mind, really.
you said 'letterman's jacket' and then i realized why you're still single.
just kidding.
sorta.
no really, jk.
Alcohol.
You go out for a drink and talk. Not about anything of meaning, but it is an excuse to spend time, relax, and then....see if your wants match her thoughts. At best you get your answer, at worst...you have a drink or two with a pretty girl.
I am sure this has already been said but you aren't in high school anymore. It's normal to feel nervous. Just ask her out. If she says yes then she is into you, if she doesn't then she's not. Done and done. Don't try to sit around and analyze everything, just put yourself out there. It's scary but its what adults are supposed to do!
love ya!
Two options:
1. You sit around and analyze her movements. Does she touch you on the arm when she's talking to you? Does she laugh at everything you say? Totally into you (hopefully).
2. YOU give HER a little friendly touch on the arm int he middle of conversation. See how she reacts - does she shy away? Roll with it? Touch you back more in return?
It's allll about the touchy touchy, I think :) Good luck!!
When you find out how to know if a girl is interested, let me know so I can figure out how to show a boy I'm interested. I kind of suck at that.
Just when you think you know someone, you usually come to find out you don't. I have no idea if that makes sense. Maybe I should stop meeting men on facebook and this would be easier...haha!
Maybe you should post pictures of you in a letterman jacket on Match!
Just don't ever look at it as wasting your time. Enjoy it all.
well hopefully you'll find a girl that's wearing two giant palm leaves and you can talk fashion together, haha. :)
I think I have learned that:
1) Girls are never being as obvious about their interest as they think they are.
2) No matter how obvious they are being, guys are pretty much oblivious anyway.
You aren't looking at the positives - if you get completely rejected you don't have an entire school of people that know about it.
hahaha. I don't know what everyone else has said, but my two cents are . . . just be patient and see what happens. Eventually casual friendships should turn into flirty friendships and flirty friendships should turn into more, if both parties are interested. It depends on how long you're willing to wait. Although, eventually, SOMEone has to speak up first. Good luck. (Did you meet someone? Or a potential someone? Exciting!)
Em
I agree High School might have sucked but at least you had the inside track on who liked who! Signals didn't get nearly as mixed up in. Now without being set-up with someone that is friend of a friend you never really know!
see a cute girl? write your number on a piece of paper. (or better yet, have a simple card available that gives your name & cell) walk up to her and say
"Hi, My name is So@24 and I think your cute. You probably get that alot so here's the deal, I'm going to give you my number. Give me a call and Dinner with a movie is on me"
Let me know if it works, I've seen it done plenty of times and 2 of my friends got married b/c of that just same scenario!!
Of course you had a letter jacket...SO@24, you are such a catch!! Must I tell you again and again!!! ;)
I think we have all been there at one point or another! If she doesn't make excuses to hang out and acts interested...that is a good sign.
Dating can get so complicated... I love being spontaneous, but if you feel something is off... go with your gut!
Maybe she's hiding something?
Things completely change when you are an 'adult' ...
ugh!
(I know I sound bitter lol)
Hi So@24 -- I just wanted to say I've been following your blog and love it. I'm in a sort of similar situation, having a physical disability and not having much experience in love and relationships.
It's a scary road, and we women can be a bit cryptic at times; it's not as if we're doing it intentional. I think it's more out of a sort of protection against rejection thing.
Does that make any sense?
We're going to need pictures of you and that palm frond... ;)
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