Two different views, one male, one female, on the same topic.
This edition is written with the blogger Emmeline from Harmful if Swallowed.
Read her response here.
Emmeline had written me an email a few weeks ago (amongst a few others in response to a sentence in this post). Here is a quick excerpt:
Read her response here.
Emmeline had written me an email a few weeks ago (amongst a few others in response to a sentence in this post). Here is a quick excerpt:
The main thing that piques my interest is our different religious associations. You call yourself an atheist. I call myself a Christian. In the end, we are both two American, 20-something Democrats with a good sense of humor and a penchant for drinking on the weekends.
It just makes me wonder . . . why am I Christian and you're not? How can two people who live halfway across the country from each other share so many similarities but be so different on this fundamentally important issue?
* * *
I can't begin to count how many times I've come across a girl (in some form or another) who seems to have the makings of some one who I'd be interested in learning more about and discover that they usually are a combination of the following things:
- cute
- witty, funny, or at least appreciate things that are
- short
- we share the same obscure interests (e.g. she might casually mention that her favorite feeling is when you come back from recess and you see your book order waiting on your desk)
But then I found out that they are "religious".
And then I ironically yell an exasperated, "Goddammit!"
As an atheist, it's like racing down a hill on your brand new Huffy only to have someone suddenly shove a ski pole through your front spokes.
A very quick, Reader's Digest version of my religious upbringing and how I came to be an atheist. I was brought up in a Christian household. We said prayers before meals, we went to church on Sundays, during the summers my aunt had us watch McGee and Me. I didn't grow up in a insanely strict, religious environment. It was never forced down my throat.
However, for as long as I can remember, it never clicked with me. I'd go to Youth Group or sit at Sunday service, look to the person on my left, then to the person on my right and think to myself, "I just don't believe any of this." I felt extremely guilty that I couldn't force myself to believe in The Bible and God. At the age of 8 or 9, I finally built up the courage and told my mother that I wasn't going to church anymore. And that was that.
Of course, if the cute, Church girls in high school were going on a field trip... well, I had to go. Oops.
I have spent a lot of this blog bitching and moaning about how difficult it is to date girls. It's been an unfruitful journey to find decent, attractive and intellectually stimulating girls who, in turn, find the same qualities in me.
It's even harder to find a girl who fits all the above AND ALSO doesn't believe in God.
da girl chart.I'm slowly coming to the realization that I'm going to have to be okay with dating someone who isn't an atheist. If I were to immediately dismiss every single girl based on this, my dating window becomes smaller than it already has been.
However, I get that I might be presumptuous thinking it works that way for the other team. From my understanding, it's either all or nothing. It's one area that can't be compromised; especially if you're investing for the long run.
I feel like a fucking leper (See? I can drop a bible ref when appropriate!) when it comes to being an atheist in the dating world. I wouldn't say I'm scared to admit it, because I'm proud of who I am and will defend my view if asked. But it's not a shocker that we get a bad rep. I just happen to live in a country that is predominately Christian.
When I constructed an online dating profile, I was warned by a reader to completely take out the word "Atheist" and simply stick with, "Very respectful of others' beliefs as long as they aren't proselytizing." Of course, that's completely true. I'm NOT attracted to anyone who doesn't accept and respect another person's ideas or beliefs (and this goes for atheists too).
I suppose it's all about how you spin it in the beginning, right? And later on down the line, it has to be about compromise. She wants to get married in a church and a traditional Christian wedding? Alright, fine. But she'll have to compromise on her end at some point. After all, it's all about compromise, right?
If I can leave all the religious folk with one thing, I'd like to urge you to keep an open mind with us atheists (if you don't already). We're not Bible burners. We don't think you're unintelligent or less of a person for your beliefs. We love our families, we're good with kids, we got choked up during Slumdog Millionaire, we know the lyrics to Paul Simon's "You Can Call me Al".
We're just like you.
Except for that one part.
117 comments:
I dropped by from Em's place. You got it right. If everybody is willing to compromise and isn't attempting to change the other one then we can all get along just fine.
i thought i was the only one who had to watch mcgee and me...im glad to know im not alone.
youre biggest hint to finding a hot smart girl who talks to ghostwriter, obviously the pen on a string around the neck!
the biggest thing about relion in dating is, if you get to the lets make babies, how to raise the kids. because 2 people can disagree but when it comes to kids peoples true feelings really come out.
Your description of becoming an atheist matches mine to a T! I'm sorry you're having a hard time finding an attractive, intellectual atheist girl. Maybe I should start a club, and then secretly turn it into a directory of ladies which you can randomly pull names from. Hmmm...
I know exactly how it goes man, just from the other perspective. Everytime I meet a girl who is actually fun, they don't believe in God. It's killing me just to get a date.
I agree on the compromise as long as the other doesn't try to compromise what you believe. You seem to be a pretty strong atheist, and that's cool, just don't change yourself for a girl.
I read your blog from time to time and have never commented. Sorry for being a lurker.
This post particularly sparked my interest, because I am an atheist. I was never able to get on board with religion. I was lucky, though, to find a wonderful, normal atheist guy to marry. It is difficult to find other atheists that are "normal", but it can be done. Most of my female friends that are Christian, though, seem very reluctant to date an atheist or non-Christian. I think they are afraid that once children are involved it can become a huge issue. For example, will my atheist husband let me take the kids to church? Will they be baptized? You get the point. I just know there are others out there like us if you cannot find an accommodating, religious girl. Best of luck!
"e.g. she might casually mention that her favorite feeling is when you come back from recess and you see your book order waiting on your desk"
This part made me swoon. High five, fellow bibliophile.
I'm agnostic and my boyfriend is as well. If he wasn't, I'm not sure how it would work, to be honest. It's not that I don't respect other religions but I just feel like it would be difficult to date when you disagree on such a major issue. It's certainly worth a shot, though.
i think i'm a borderline atheist, haha. actually i don't know what i am. but i totally agree with your stance that you're willing to accept and respect others as long as they can do the same.
I shall tread lightly. I grew up in a VERY religious house. My Mother has a ministers license. I have always gone out of my way to study ALL religions just so that I can have an educated conversation when something is brought up.
Since I am ever learning, I want to know if you are an atheist by definition *wikipedia* Atheism: as an explicit position, can be either the affirmation of the nonexistence of gods, or the rejection of theism. It is also defined more broadly as an absence of belief in deities, or nontheism.
Or if you are an atheist because you don't belive in GOD or Christianity? Do you belive in some sort of higher power? Etc etc.
Mel
I really liked this post, SO. Nice job.
I'm a twenty-something girl trying to figure out this dating thing. I really didn't think religion would be something that I'd have to consider. I'm an atheist. Religion is not an issue for me. I don't care if I date a Christian or a Jew or whatever, as long as they don't make an issue out of the fact that I don't believe in God. Dammit, so many factors to consider when dating! If only I was okay with becoming a crazy old cat lady, I wouldn't have to think about all of this.
Also, Slumdog Millionaire is one of the best movies I've seen so far this year.
I have yet to fully decide exactly what my views are. I would like to believe, but I just can't seem to get there. I see how some peoples beliefs offer them great comfort in times of need and I can't begrudge them that. When people push or use religion, any religion, to further there own agenda it makes me very uncomfortable.
That said I'm amazed that someone out there remembers Ghostwriter! I was in love with that show.
holla. fellow atheist here. my last bf was sincerely horrified that i wasn't baptized, even though i had no idea he even BELIEVED in god until that came up. he hasn't been to church in like 10 years, doesn't follow any of the "good catholic" rules, etc etc etc.... yet couldn't ever envision a future with us because i was going to hell because of the baptism issue. i'll take an athiest any day over someone who doesn't follow ANY of their own teachings but still condemns me for not believing. psh.
all religion and the lack of any religion all scare me. i don't believe in anything or understand people who do... i would love to meet someone who wants to learn about religion with me but not participate in it. and one of my biggest fears is having to get married in a church... i think i would be soo uncomfortable. but i would do it for the right person, i think.
great post.
I think you can date religious girls, as long as you aren't anti-religion. Some atheists are as nasty about people who believe Christianity as Christians are about us garden variety heathens.
I heard once that interfaith marriages work best when one person considers religion as important as sex, and the other, ice cream.
Course, if I had to pick between sex and ice cream, I'd have to think about that for awhile....
I used to think if I dated a religious guy it would just be another difference i'd 'accept' like if they drank crappy beer.
But nay.
Once, on the 10th date or so with a guy I made a joke about a catholic church. His response was simply "what?! you don't believe in God?? Not religious at all? ...wow..."
I was offended as I'm sure he would've been if my response was "you're catholic?! holy crap, seriously??". He had never mentioned anything about it before, then suddenly it was SO important to him. Go big or go home, I say. Be religious up front and make it matter in your relationship or don't. Choose and be done.
Also, I like this duel-post idea.
I ended things with a guy for being an atheist. I just felt like we'd be too fundamentally different, better to cut ties early on. Funny thing is, he keeps in touch with me and is probably one of the more caring men I've gone out with. Other guys, the ones who said they went to church or claim to be Christian, are among some of the worst guys I've dated. Go figure.
For long-term relationships, I think it's important to be on the same page on something as big as religion, because issues about sex and marriage and kids kind of HINGE on it for some people. I can't imagine ever dating someone really religious (I'm agnostic), and I suspect that if I tried, the relationship would be doomed to failure. Thank god my boyfriend is an atheist; I don't think we would've lasted long if we argued about Jesus instead of video games all the time.
The problem with being non- or anti-religious is that there are few places you can go to meet people who think like you. There are no atheist churches, no agnostic equivalent of an LDS singles ward. It's tough to find like minds when you're in the minority; however, it's usually worth it when you do find 'em. Good luck.
When I started dating the man I am seeing now I asked him; "you believe in God and I don't, is that going to be an issue with you?" and he said "no, you're the one going to hell, not me." I thought that was a perfect answer, he didn't take his religion so seriously that he couldn't see another persons view and he made it funny. I think its about being open minded to other people beliefs more than actually having to believe in the same things.
I tried to date someone whose religious views were different than mine...as my blog readers know, it blew up in my face in a bad way.
I think the key to dating someone who believes differently than you do is that they are open minded. When one person is willing to compromise and the other just takes, its doomed to failure.
Despite the first few shitty months after the break up I now realize how much better off I am without him, nothing wrong with being religious but there is definitely something wrong with ramming it down someones throat.
I am no ones idea of a "Good Christian Wife" and happy not to be :-)
Hey, if you want a Christian/Hindi/Buddhist/Jewish girl to give you a chance, then you're going to have to keep an open mind, too. Keep in mind that girls (well, people in general, I guess) might be more comfortable identifying themselves with a religion, especially one they were raised with, even if they are not necessarily practicing, rather than declaring themselves atheist. It sounds like you are familiar with the flack you can catch after that particular proclamation.
Claiming membership to a particular religion could be a security blanket. These girls are probably a lot more like you than you think.
Also, I always knew Ghostwriter wasn't real. Smack my ass and call me a non-believer.
P.S. Not to pour salt in the wound, but you're going to have to find a girl you are interested in before you can shoot her down for being a Christian. Widen the net. Just saying.
a quick thought to keep in mind: religion is the practice of something...spirtuality is what you actually believe.
What I'm trying to say is ou can be a religious athiest, technically speaking.
I have yet to cross the path of religious differences. I'm kind of a hypocrite myself, being baptized catholic, but feeling too guilty about my past/present life to feel comfortable going to church. I am not quite sure what I do/don't believe in, but I know it would be tough if I was dating someone that looked down on me because of my current spiritual state of being undecided.
I would also suggest keeping an open mind to other people's spiritualities just as you would like them to be open minded to your own.
Sorry I'm not much help on this matter....
Good luck SO...may the force be with you ;)
Except...I didn't tear up during Slumdog Millionaire. So I guess that just makes me an asshole. ;)
Religion is tricky for a number of reasons, but essentially it comes down to children. More importantly, (I've heard) a lot of people really get serious when they have kids and tend to embrace religion more.
It should not be that hard to meet agnostic or atheist girls. Maybe you're looking in the wrong places?
P.S. The book package made me drool and Ghostwriter was sweeeeet.
I really do think we all need something to believe in. I dont really care if it is God. For me personally, I NEED for there to be a higher power out there...I just dont know what power that is. Maybe I should just start believing in myself before I start believing in something I dont even have proof of.
I have been confused here lately. I have been questioning my faith. I still dont know what I am....it very well maybe atheist. Sometimes I feel like I believe in God only because my family does. Kinda like a just in case type of thing. You know? It scares me to think I will not rest in the same place my family will be. Simple as that...right..
I also keep a Buddha on my keychain....just another "just in case" type thing...I like to keep my options open ;)
But I do think I am spiritual, not religious. And I think there is a huge difference too.
I think it is a really great thing that you know what you believe. I wish I did. I honestly don't know what I believe in because I simply dont have the proof.....
I have read what you have to say. You sound like a really good person. At the end of the day that is what matters. Maybe believing in Santa wasnt so wrong! Maybe there is just a good list and a bad list.
There are a shit ton of religions out there telling you what happens after you die. My theory? We are ALL wrong. Whatever happens...we are all gonna hit ourselves over the head and say, "Wow! We all got fooled! This is great!"
But that is just me!
Heck, I dont know. This is a really weird subject for me!!!! Sorry for the mess of a comment..My mind is boggled.
I don't think I'd consider myself an atheist, but I'm not sure what I believe in. At this point in my life I don't really think it's important either. I respect other people's beliefs, as long as they are not pushed upon me. However, dating a Catholic usually never works out for me.
Dating would just be easier if everyone just believed in Ghostwriter.
I am a Christian and very open-minded, but I don't think I could marry a non-Christian. Date? Yes, but not marry. I enjoy all types of people and respect everyone's beliefs and opinions, but marriage is forever and since I belive faith in Jesus is the only way to everlasting life, I would view it as a life or death situation. I could not imagine the pain and frustration it would cause me to love someone that much and NOT try to save their (after)life. And I could imagine that would tear the relationship apart eventually. If it got to a "let's get serious" point in the relationship and there was no change in his heart, I would have to take that as a sign it wasn't meant to be.
Very interesting topic though and a tough choice!
i wholeheartly believe in God & it makes me sad that you don't. im not going to judge or commdem you though. that's not my place. so don't worry.
bbut i know a great friend who's brother-in-law was atheist & later became christian. his wife is christian too. so you never know. :) the bible does say to not be w/ an unbeliever but hey! miricles happen bro.
and suz, that a good point you made.
I am also an atheist and though I respect others convictions I just find it difficult if I have to include and embrace something that I do not believe. In theory I would say that it doesn’t matter what a potential boyfriend believes in – but it really does. It’s not because I think it’s stupid or that anyone’s stupid for believing in God I just think that it’s so far from my world view that it cannot be the only thing we do not agree on. It’s how we see the whole world and if we can’t see things from the same perspective can we even talk about anything.. Okay maybe that’s too abstract, but it’s especially when I hear someone using religion as an argument for something. I just cannot accept it. I can accept that someone is against abortion because they think it’s horrible, but I could never accept that abortion is wrong because it says in the bible that life is sacred (or whatever it would say) or because only God has the right to decide who gets to live and who gets to die. It’s not a proper argument, but it’s still a sure winner. It’s like sitting with a joker you can just use in every round of the card game..
Okay.. Back to my point.. Though I am not exactly thrilled about religious guys I don’t think it would be a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that they always try to either change my mind, like I just have to see the truth or that they simply demand an answer as to why I don’t believe in anything. As if I must have had some crazy horrible experience with priest who molested me. Or something ..
Okay, I guess I didn’t actually have a point..
in an odd way I think Suz and eleanor hope sort of made my point, actually..
I hate when people shove their religion down your throat, and I'm Mormon.... haha Kind of ironic, I know. I was on the plane from Salt Lake to home, and the girl next to me was trying to get the guy next to her to go to the LDS website. I was just like, really? Can't you just let him enjoy the hour and a half flight instead of trying to convert him? Ugh.
Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to go out on a limb and say it probably matters in the long run. You can date anyone of an faith or lack thereof, but I think if two VERY DIFFERENT belief systems with regards to that topic were to marry, it would not bode well. Unless, the religious person was way cool like Emmeline who thinks that it could work if both parties had actually done some serious considering and researching (for lack of a better word) the reasons behind their decisions and could respect not only the other's opinion but also the FACT that the other had done some heavy contemplating about it. As I told Emmeline on her post, I'm not big on blindly following.
As my father and uncles on his side say about their wives, "Many were called but few were chosen." Hold out for the best, my friend!
I once dated a guy who was pretty religious. He went to church every week and coaxed me to go with him. I finally named his church "the cult," as they always asked people for money for "church improvements." He then convinced me to try a different church, but I just couldn't do it. After attending a few services and falling asleep while my bf angrily sneered at me, I finally told him that I wasn't sure I believed in all that "God" stuff. I grew up in a family that wasn't religious, although I was confirmed in 8th grade, but I've always been skeptical of the entire thing. I don't know if I'd call myself an atheist yet, but perhaps I'm on my way there. It's just something I haven't fully explored yet, but your post has definitely got me thinking!
As long as both parties are open minded and willing to learn and respect each other's belief systems it shouldn't be a problem. Although my husband and I are both Catholic (totally by coincidence) but share very different views on the strictness of the church.
ie stem cell research, abortion, etc...
So even people who share the same beliefs still need to be open minded about differences.
Wow, you clearly sparked some deep conversations. I'm a believer that Jesus exists and so on and so forth. And I JUST had this convo with a guy a couple days ago who is an athiest. It obviously is a huge deal in dating and a future life together. I do not ever disregard someones beliefs in a friendship, but it is hard for me to date someone who doesn't believe the same thing I believe. I'm at a difficult point with my thoughts on religion and what that means for my life. Either way I don't ever want someone so uptight they can't have fun or too fun they can't be serious about the tough issues.
I never say atheist. I say hedonist. It sounds a lot sexier! Generally, everyone I date feels the same way I do about God or lack there of.
Hahaha! I love that (triangle?) chart! You should copyright that by the way. ;)
What I've come to learn is that it's important for people to be respectful of other people's beliefs and vice versa. Doesn't matter what they are.
And yes, you and I are just yin and yang!!
It's not all "Christian or Athiest." There's also "believes in God but doesn't believe in going to church more than once or twice a year." That would be me. My ex claims to be Agnostic, but I think he's denying his true Athiest feelings. I admit I would be more comfortable falling in love with someone like myself; then it's easier to your spouse to go along with your irrational desire to baptise the kids, even if you think it's a little silly.
Admittedly, it is easier for me to accept someone as agnostic than it is atheist. Further, it doesn't even bother me which "God" they choose of what they call Him, just that they have a faith in their life. Maybe it is ego on my part thinking if they're agnsotic there's still "hope" for them.
It's ironic you'd write of this. As a late-twenties married woman who attends church and participates in activities, my husband and I have had the hardest time ever finding couples who share our views. Ever single married couple we meet at church is older. All the married couples (and unmarried friends) we know outside of church are not religiously inclined. We have three friends who do not fit this non-religious scenario but their faith is drastically different than ours so no fellowship is present.
Where am I going with all this? I suppose I just find amusement in thef act that you're thrown by all these Christians and I'm starved for connectivity. So random.
P.S. I *ALWAYS* respect the beliefs of others, even if I think what they think is twacked. ;)
I guess it makes a wee bit of difference whether you actively disbelieve in God versus you don't actively believe in God. If that makes sense. Because I think it's easier to compromise with someone who's just in a really different place on the scale of belief versus with someone who actively thinks your beliefs are wrong. You know what I mean?
Loved this. Not just because I completely agree with you but because you included Ghostwriter communications as part of your Unicorn scale.
Amazing.
First off, book orders?! Um, heck yeah, best things ever!!! I forgot they existed, but now, I totally want to come back from my lunch break and see some books sitting on my desk!
Ok, now for the aithest stuff. Let it be known up front that I am completely 100% open-minded and fully respect everyone's right to their own belief. What's the point of forcing a religion on someone if they don't truly believe in their hearts? Sort of defeats the purpose...
My question is, do you not believe at all in any higher power, or do you not buy into all of the hypocritical Christian bs that comes along with most churches?
For me, I believe 100% in God, and use the bible as a guideline for my life, but I do not agree with most forms of organized religions.
I will say, that even though I'm open minded, not believing in God at all would be a deal-breaker for me. I need someone who can question, challenge, and grow with me in spirituality. But that's just me...
But don't worry, you'll find someone! I'm certain there are a ton of girls out there who share your similar beliefs when it comes to religion. It may be a challenge to find her, but it will be oh-so-sweet when you do, and definitely worth the wait!
My boyfriend is agnostic. It's never been an issue. He respects listening to my opinions, I respect his. I don't drag him out of bed on Sunday mornings when I head out to choir practice, he doesn't let people give me crap when I don't drink heavily on a given Saturday night because I DO have to get out of bed for choir practice. We've discussed getting married, and the fact that I want to get married in my church and he agrees. We've even briefly discussed the fact that I want to raise my kids in my faith.
It's all about finding someone who you can be open with, who can understand why you feel a certain way (I was agnostic before I found the church I currently attend, so I'm sure that helps) and sometimes...leaving certain highly-passionate subjects at rest when you come to a stand still in debate. When it all comes down to it, there are just certain religious upbringings that are more open-minded than others.
PS: I know atheist and agnostic aren't the same - but it was the best real-life scenario I could give. :)
It definitely is ALL about compromise. As for religion, I'm Christian, but wouldn't rule out dating an Atheist just b/c of that. Just like I wouldn't rule out dating someone of another religion purely on that reason. I don't think I could possibly be the only Christian out there like that either. :) You'll find someone (Atheist or not!)
I am just curious as to why you're an atheist? You wrote that you just never "clicked" with your church. I just wondered if there was a reason beyond that? I'm not trying to be offensive or scoff at your beliefs because I do think people are entitled to feel as they want to feel. I am just really curious.
Whoa, things are getting pretty deep around here...
*belches*
That's better
I'll tell you this from experience, it was very hard for me (the atheist) to date a spiritual person, when it came down to it. There's just a lot more than either side realizes to believing or not believing in something and how all of that seeps into every day living. it's like watching someone call a dog a cat or the sky is the ocean. They know they are more right than you are and vica versa. Something that basic is hard to compromise in a deep, lasting relationship because someone has to change a whole lot - or lie.
Maybe you need to move to Canada? I'm atheist as well but have never had trouble meeting other atheists who are funny, cute and intelligent? Actually, my friend who is quite Christian has had a horrible time trying to find a girl who shares his beliefs. Could just be location, location, location.
I almost wrote "you = my husband," but that comes off A LOT creepier than I mean it.
What I mean is, my husband is exactly like you. Grew up very religious, actually -- went to Catholic schools, was very active in the church, thought about seminary school. Now? Atheist.
I, on the other hand, am not atheist. He doesn't care that I'm not, and I don't care that he is. As long as there's mutual respect and genuine love, it works. I'm glad you're keeping an open mind. :-)
words like "atheist" and "christian" have such loaded connotations. its sort-of like sticker shock when someone claims to one or the other. I just say 'tolerant of most beliefs.'
I'm glad that you're broadening your horizons. Not everyone who believes in God will try to force it down your throat.
I'm atheist too! Whee!
The most interesting thing for me is that my parents tried to make me go the religious route...when I was 16. Nevermind the fact that they are also atheist. Epic failure.
I think you can compromise on religious beliefs, and that there's only one place that religion does not truly belong and that is government (because religion+government)*politics = disaster.
i think quite a few people have said this already, but the problem isn't really with the person you're dating, it's that when things get serious and you consider having kids, what do you teach them? I'm Catholic, and I even tend to exclude certain Christians from my dating pool because our beliefs are still way too different for my comfort. For example, I actually believe the dinosaurs existed at some point a very long time ago, and I've come across some Christians who are so creationist they think either A) the fossils we've found are just God's little joke to throw us off! ha! or B) dinosaurs and cavemen! on earth! all at once! Flintstones style!
Sorry, but no.
Actually, in that case, I'd be MORE willing to date an atheist, because at least most of them have a pretty good grasp on reality...
You should move to the UK; we have loooooads of cute, intellectual, atheists here. It's far less Christian a country in general really though. There's even an atheist advertising campaign on buses at the moment.
sigh. i knew i shoulda chose cali when i was choosing which 3 places to move to: Chicago, Memphis, Cali.
but it's ok. I found someone (by accident) and you can to! no, my man is not a Pagan like me. Altho he is a "non practicing" christian. He has his view points and I have mine. --I am kinda worried about the future a little bit and any future children that might happen to come of our union.
I'm also deathly afraid his momma might not approve. Why should I care, right? If he loves me for me and my pagan ways then she should too, right?
My parents are SO FUCKING HAPPY that i found a christian boy (by accident I remind you) that they hope that one day he'll convert me.
(Fat chance)
I tried finding an athiest or pagan boyfriend (i'd run away screaming if they said christian) because I didn't want to have to comprise.
Jokes on me, huh?
My exhusband was/is (is he still? I don't know..I'll have to ask him) a pagan. We didn't even know that about eachother when we first met, we'd been dating for about 9 months before we discovered that we were both pagan! how crazy is that shit???
Good luck to you! It's hard for religions to mix. Especially for those of us (meaning me and you) who are not of the christian faith. I think it's even worse on my end because instead of simply "not believing in god" it's much more complicated because I do have faith in "something" --just not what they want!
You and me should hang out. Ever thought of moving to Chicago??? I got an extra room you can crash in!
I agree with Tiffany-- the biggest problem you would run into is how to raise your children. It's easy to compromise about what you put up with, but with what your children are taught might be a different story.
I'd date people of most religions, but not someone "religious." I think there's a big difference.
God, McGee and me was my sex education in high school (no joke). And well, let's just say that into my married life, I still feel like we can cry and hold hands and that be that.
Only kidding about that one. I'm not a cartoon.
And I'm sorry that you had to smush Hello Kitty's head in like that for the cute and intellectual girls. I wish you could make her head as big as a balloon. I mean, it's almost like disrespecting Hello in some way. Ya know?
And I used to look like Tina, most likely because we're both Asian, and that brought the guys rolling in. Couldn't stop 'em.
Not really.
I'm sorry this comment doesn't really hit on the primary focus. And it's not gonna.
You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Well, at least I don't.
That shit's fo craazy people!
I've dated people of other faiths...it can be interesting at times...good and bad.
You have great timing. Way to go, asking me my thoughts on this when I am going through my own existential crisis at the moment with dating and religion.
You know what is funny? Being a Christian, I tend to have the same problem, but a little different. One could presume that I could have my pick of cute Christian guys to date and marry. All I need to do is show up at Rock Harbor any given Sunday and I am set. The thing is, I already know what kind of typical douche I am going to end up meeting in those type of settings. Where in the hell am I going to find a skinny, artsy guy with brown eyes who has great taste in music, shares my political and philosophical beliefs, has a sarcastic wit at least as sharp as my own, who reads books, and who understands Divine Love as I know it? I am full of contradictions and the statistics are simply not in my favor for finding the eclectic combination of intellect and spirituality that I need in a companion. The only thing I can do is hold out and have "faith" that "God" will bring me the right person. And honestly, that gets old.
However, you see, that is the fundamental difference. Like Immanuel Kant said, Faith cannot be explained by reason. (Or was that Kickergaard...?) Faith is belief in something that you have no way of knowing whether or not it really exists, and that just does not translate well on to paper. I completely understand how irrational faith is. I am not about to stand here and say I believe in "Creation Science" (a contradiction in terms) or that I believe God speaks directly to President Bush. Doesn't Osama bin Laden also claim to speak directly to Bush? Honestly, I understand the cynicism completely. Many people have killed, raped, and pillaged in the name of religion, and its disgusting what evil human beings are capable of doing.
Yet, despite all of that, there is still this little voice, that sounds like a whisper and yet screams at the same time, that there is a God and that He is Love. I can't explain it, but if you don't hear it, then you aren't listening. I don't claim to have all the answers, to have prophetic revelations, or to even think that any religion is 100% correct. They can't all be right... but they can't all be wrong.
In the end, religion is just man's way of finding God. Like Neitzsche asserted, perhaps God is a human creation. Perhaps this sounds like circular reasoning, but one could just as easily say that God put that desire in our hearts to seek Him. That alone could be proof that there is something out there.
Perhaps Marx was right, that religion is the opiate that we need to distract ourselves from how shitty life is. All I know is, there has got to be something better than this life. Even if its all an illusion, I will take it anyway. Hope keeps me going.
And finally, consider Pascal's Wager. If there really is a God, then you're fucked as an atheist. But if you're right, then its no biggie. All it means is I am wrong. So which is worse?
Ok that's enough. Sorry... this was probably longer than your blog. :)
as long as you can figure out how to raise kids, and you can both accept that, your fine. But you're not marrying the first girl you meet (well....you might, but the odds are slim), so have fun. Stop limiting yourself....dammit, your single and in CA, GO FOR IT!
*correction... Bin Laden claims to speak to God. typo. sorry.
Hey! Yes, I'm definitely blogging about it later (Actually, I'm writing this comment using the International Studies Dept. computer hehe)!
Well, religious beliefs don't really matter if the girl is the "right one". I guess it would even make things more interesting since you've got a bigger intellectual stimulation base.
whoa! very interesting post and i'm liking your blog so far. your chart is hilarious.. glad you have a sense of humor in all this :)
i can also relate to your experience of: how i became an atheist. sounds very similar to my experience. trying to fit in to the youth groups in middle school... not really feeling it.. the guilt. etc. etc.
i have dated two christians, one agnostic, and one atheist. i can say that religious views CAN butt heads a bit if you let it.. sometimes, it's just not an issue though. i would be open to dating other religions, so long as they respect my view as an atheist. i try to be tolerant to other beliefs.
oh my GOD ...or HER god... or ...someone else's god.
First things first: Slumdog Millionaire = BEST MOVIE EVER!
uh.. moving on... this is probably my favorite post of yours yet.
Second.. the Book Order?? I wasn't the only one that felt that way?? Have I told you about my obsession with Amazon.com which is my "adult book order??"
Third.. I'm with you on the not believing from a very young ago. Noah? On an Arc? With two of every animal in the world having sex??? mmhm...
Anyhow, it is hard to date someone with different beliefs than you. BUT you have to remember that so many Christians are Christians by default. Their family was Christian because THEIR family was Christian. Most people have never taken the time to discover Christianity and what it is really all about. They go to church and believe in this gos because that is all they know.
I could go on and on (I will spare you) but I think it is ok to look past religion (sometimes)... with knowledge people can be steered in a new direction.
imagine what it must be like to look for a guy that is non-religious AND vegan.... can you make me a chart for THAT?
It's interesting how religion can really mess up a relationship if you're not on the same page. My ex of 4 1/2 yrs left me because i wasnt Christian- bleh. however, a Christian and an atheist can still make things work- I know plenty married couples like that. But when you do meet the one and if she is religious, make sure shes ok with you not being religious- or it could end badly. Because even if you're religious if you enter the relationship thinking you can change the other person- sorry it doesnt work that way. But i wouldnt worry too much about it. the right girl for you is out there somewhere. :)
Larissa, I can't believe your husband left you because you were not a Christian. What a coward and what a cop out. Even by Christian standards, that is not permissible. But I am sure he justified it some how. Seriously, shitty. My ex-husband was apparently a Christian too. I guess he forgot that when he filed divorce papers, though.
JERKS!
i've been lucky in dating when it comes to religion, even the guys who claimed to be something (greek orthodox, catholic, whatever) never went to church or anything so it never became an issue.
the mormon, tho, i had to draw the line with him. but it's okay, he's happily married now with two kids.
cute, intelligent atheists are hard to find, but we're out there. promise!
For 27 years I was an atheist and then my life was blown to bits and out of the rubble I found faith in something greater than myself. Our beliefs can change as our lives change. You don't know how you'll be in 5 years any more than you know who you'll be in a week. Today, you just think you know, well, at 25 you REALLY think you know. But, we don't really know anything. I will say that life with faith is easier than life without faith of any kind. So, I guess I'm trying to say that thinking an atheist girl is the only kind for you might not be the case. Anyway, I hope 2009 brings a groovy girl your way.
Don't give up hope. I am a Christian married to an Atheist. It is so not a big deal for us. I have my beliefs and I am comfortable with that, he has his beliefs and he is comfortable with that. I don't believe you need to push your religion on someone else or judge just because they don't share the same faith. Many of the wars in the world are started over religion, I don't think love needs to be that complicated.
There is always a compromise in relationships anyway so I get what your saying, why not compromise where religion is concerned?..
Great thought.. Lots of luck wiht your continuing search for Ms Right x
OMFG you sound just like the convo's I have with Nigel. Nigel is an athesit and I was raised Christian. I don't practice but I have this internal fear of actually saying "No, God doesn't exist." (I had a mini panic attack just typing that)
I fall into your list of needs, except that I am not short. LOL.
But I think the biggest thing for people is the fear and guilt that is instilled in us. Well thats how it is for me. I FEAR what happens if I change me religious views. I am trying to move past but it's like moving a mountain. And I am scared shitless.
I do enjoy the convos I have with Nigel and it is interesting. I think one can learn a lot from someone who is their complete opposite.
Ta ta
Ha! McGee and Me! I grew up watching those videos too... weird!
And knowing how to sing along to "You Can Call Me Al" makes you way above standard!
Is it that you want to date a girl who is a proclaimed "athiest" or just that you don't want to date someone who is hardcore Christian?
I completely get the latter option, as I'm not big into religion either.
I used to date this guy who used God as justification for EVERY single little thing that went wrong with his life, and everything that went wrong in my life too! Dude, if I'm having a bad day, I don't want you to hear you preach about God, I want a beer.
Ghostbusters are amazing. I wish I could fight ghosts.
I guess you'll have guessed from my blog that I'm a Christian and you're right it's really hard to go out with someone who doesn't share fundamental beliefs with you. That's why I wouldn't go out with someone who isn't a Christian. Not because they're unintelligent, worse than me or anything like that at all. Just because it's a big part of me that I'd like to share with the person I'm going out with.
A very well written and constructive post. Really makes you think doesn't it.
P.S. I'd totally forgotten McGee and Me!! I watched those at Sunday school when I was little too!
Excellent post. Sometimes it's nice just to read something written by an open atheist, never mind something so well written.
Don't lose heart, though. I'm married to an atheist too. They're out there and you'll find one. Or you won't, and it won't matter anyway ;)
I have gotten into many debates on this subject, but one stands out in my mind.
After one of those conversations where we realized how much we had in common with someone and are professing soul mate status the topic turned to religion. He was shocked that I leaned towards agnostic beliefs and responded that he believed that he was brought into my life in order to help me find god.
My response? I believe that I was brought into his life to show him that you don't need to find god to have all of the good qualities that he finds in religion.
I could definitely date a religious person, because I admire passion and enjoy debating differences of opinion, but I could not date someone who felt that I needed to change. If we all get to the same outcome, let each find their own path, and I prefer to walk mine without a god as a guide.
I wish your summary of atheists' views of Christians was applicable to all atheists. Unfortunately, I've met too many that do think Christians are "unintelligent or less of a person" for their beliefs. I've also met too many Christians who think the same about atheists.
For me, in dating, I don't think that the issue is as much with religion as it is with being open-minded and respectful of your partner and their beliefs and opinions. I dated an atheist for over two years and me being Christian was never a problem at the time or in our planned future together. I also dated a guy who was a Christian but a slightly different denomination than I was, and we broke up mainly because I wasn't planning on converting to his religion if we got married.
So, I agree. It's all about finding an open-minded girl who is willing to compromise (no matter if she's religious or not!). Good luck!
Honestly, as we get older...understanding is more important than having every single little thing in common.
usually those really religious types are non-understanding.
you said ghost writer. i forgot all about that!
I agree, its hard to find someone with similar beliefs in spirituality. I lean towards buddhist teachings, and my manfriend does, for the first time someone is not telling me im going to hell for believing the universe is my "god".
The thing about most religions other than christianity is that they are open to other's beliefs. MOST (not ALL) christians are one sided, and cant see past their own closed minds. It's sad.
Holy Shit I love that video. You made my day.
Re: religion...it is always tough. I think it is important to be on the same/similar paths there as your partner in the long run. But at the same time, religious paths (or lack thereof) are intensely personal and unlikely to be the same as another. Shit. Who knows.
so you know, (and if you care)
Chris and I are opposites.
Chris is you. Athiest. NO religious ties, and none growing up either (pretty much).
I am 100% opposite. Grown up VERY religious. Every every every day of my life.
It does not 'define' our marriage. We accept that it's a difference. It's tough, yes, but not undo-able.
Don't think you have to marry an athiest. BUT don't think that marriage is 50/50 (in reference to your 'compromise' statement) or you'll be sadly disappointed.
Marriage is 90/10. You give 90, ALL the time, and you'll ALWAYS feel like they give 10. But remember, they think you're only giving 10, too. So, it works. Best advice given me on my wedding day, and it's SO true.
i think it can be difficult if both parties allow it. ;)
happy new year!
I know I'm commenting pretty much on a frivolous part by comparison to the main theme of this post, but I can't freaking wait to see Slumdog Millionaire!
Frankly, I think religion is something you should NOT compromise on. From experience, two such vast differences in beliefs end up stretching into other parts of a person's life; sexuality, child-rearing, morality, etc.
Example, I'm actually in the middle of trying to find new and interesting friends to hang out with in my area, and I've gotten a handful of awesome responses from guys that I seem to click with. Only problem is, one of them is a Christian, and not one of those lukewarm Christians either. So it's hard to find common ground when our views are so different, and even though we enjoy each other's company, it prevents any sound connection because we disagree on values that in many ways shapes our personalities.
I know enough to keep my mouth shut about my "religious" beliefs because the moment I mention it people will LITERALLY stop talking to me or even get angry with me, especially Christians. I just can't imagine my partner "tolerating" what I believe, but always thinking how wrong I am, or even worse, that I'm going to hell.
Ok, I'm an atheist.
and I happen to find guys that are:
cute, witty, love to read and hold simliar interests but ARE NOT ATHEISTS.
or I find the atheists and they are crazy and pretty much live a bong attached to their face.
so all I can say is good luck to you! ;)
It makes me sad that some people are Christians...
That's offensive, right? Then please don't tell me it makes you sad that I'm NOT a Christian or that SO isn't. Sorry, touchy issue for me.
My best friend (a very devout Christian) was told by her church that she needed to either convert him or break up with her Jewish boyfriend. She broke up...with the church. Some interpretations of Christianity (actually of lots of religions) require you to either 1) keep to your own or 2) try to convert the heathens. I could never get involved on any level with those kinds of people.
I about squee'd at the Ghostwriter reference. I haven't even THOUGHT about that show in at least ten years.
Can I first say that I think your reverse pyramid is hilarious! I love it!!
Hmm... religion. I think there should be plenty of girls out there that are our age that don't have a strong religious conviction. (of course, I wouldn't know because I live in NC and it's rather bible-belty here)I don't think you need to find a quote-unquote athiest, but just someone who isn't practicing. I had the same experience being brough up. The difference, I just don't want to lable myself... it sounds so cynical to me. Athiest. And I like to associate myself with happy things... like book orders...
I can't believe how many people have already commented on this... wow! I'm impressed by the following!
Anyways, just wanted to let you know that I gave you a little blog award today! Congratulations! :o)
Try being atheist *and* asexual and see how far that gets you in the dating world. (By the way, that book order thing killed me. I used to live for those things!)
You know, I had never even thought about religion being an issue with my relationships for some reason. I guess because most of my exes weren't super religious anyway. But thinking about it now, I guess it would be a big thing if I were looking for someone. I mean, I doubt it would be one of the first things I'd ask a potential boyfriend, but there are just so many other things that come with religion (aside from the most obvious one). I could seriously talk about that topic all day, but will instead conclude with a story to illustrate just one of them:
My most recent ex (and by most recent I mean 3 years ago) came from a really religious family--his dad was a pastor and his mom was a teacher at some Christian school--and I think that caused a lot of the problems we had because he was so torn. He was trying to see things from my point of view but at the same time he had been brought up in that madness (let me say now that I never tried "convert" him, but he was one of those people that would say anything to make you happy. If I told him I was agnostic--which I was at the time--he wanted to be agnostic too.) I remember one time we sat down to dinner with his family and they were saying how we all had to go out and vote against a bill for gay rights or something the next day. The ex in question was bisexual, and didn't even say anything to oppose them. He just went along with it! To this day I think that he was (and is, of course, but I haven't seen him in years) really gay all along and was just so scared to ever tell anyone about it.
Anyway...looking at all these comments you shouldn't have too hard a time finding someone. There are 95 other comments here, many of whom are atheist girls! :-P
I agree with packupthemoon. Maybe it's your location. This doesn't seem to be as big a problem in Canada. I have friends that complain about not being able to find people who are serious about their Christianity. The majority of twenty-somethings I've met sit in that athiest/agnostic/lapsed/not practicing kind of category.
Personally, I find it easy to be friends with anyone, regardless of what they believe, but in relationships people's religions make me uncomfortable, knowing that as soon as there is marriage, children and their family involved religion will rear its ugly head. There are probably people out there that I would compromise on this for, but I haven't met them yet.
But keep looking. We're out there. Speaking as a short, cute, athiest, not-stupid girl who giggles while she opens her packages from Amazon.com.
I am comment #98. I read this post the other day and didn't instantly have an opinion/advice/something to say like a lot of people did.
Since you don't believe in God...do you believe in fate?
I'm a Christian but at this point in my life, I'm not really looking for the guy I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I really think when I meet that guy fate will play a part in it...
So.. just date. Don't make religion a deal breaker at this point. If you believe in fate you will eventually meet your match anyway, so just have fun until you get there.
Love this post.
That is all.
Number 100, to tickle your ego, and tell you it's seriously flooding in Western Washington.
If you do meet the perfect girl, make sure to take her to higher ground in every way possible.
Love,
God
I'm sorry this comment was so long.
Of course I have a lot to say on this subject, but I won't say everything. First I hope I've never given you the impression that I'm a religious person or that I judge you because you’re an atheist. I will admit honestly that I was kind of confused or curious rather of why you didn't believe in God or more importantly Jesus Christ, but I didn't want to condemn you (which I don't have the power to do), judge you (which I don't have the power to do, or convert you (it isn't with in my power or my choice to do so); honestly I just wanted to share my point of view, exchange ideas, and be an example of what I think living as a Christian is. I think that Christians in particular do have a responsibility to share Christ and tell people that He died for all of our sins, and that He rose from the died, and He has reconciled us to the father, but I feel that it isn't our responsibility to sit in judgment of anyone; especially when God doesn't sit in judgment of us.
I also feel that having a relationship with Jesus Christ, God, believing in the Bible, and not religion, is a choice. Some of us choose to believe in God, while others believe in something else, or they are atheist. Does that make me better than anyone else? No. Does it make me religious? No. I see myself not as religious, but in a relationship with God. I feel that religion or being labeled religious has a negative connotation to it. I also feel there's a difference between being spiritual and being religious, but that's just me.
Now finally I close this long comment by saying I feel you shouldn't limit your dating based on whether or not this girl believes in God; especially if you’re feeling her and she's feeling you despite the fact you’re an atheist. Dating has enough problems and issues than to not date a person based on them having a relationship with God, but I do agree with you when you said that most Christians wouldn't compromise dating someone who isn't of the same faith as they are; especially if they are looking for a long-term relationship. I also feel that dating is about experiences and meeting new people- (Saved, unsaved, Religious, Spiritual, Atheist, Black, White, Asian, Latina, and the list goes on).
I also say to do what works for you SO@24 and as I do what's right for me. Again I haven't had a lot of exposure to individuals who are atheist, but I would like to learn more about your beliefs. (Maybe I just should have emailed you).
(The Tone of this comment was written in a calm and respective manner. No one or no computer was harmed in the production of this comment)
I'm sorry this comment was so long.
I forgot to say in my long tangent that I have trouble with the Christian women I've dated. I've had trouble with women of my own race, culture, and political background. So I've just come to the conclusion that dating can be difficult no matter what a woman believes, just enjoy yourself, don't settle, and do what works for you. LIFE!!!!
This post was your best in awhile for three reasons: a) McGee and Me b) Ghostwriter and c) You Can Call Me Al.
Yes.
hmmm
I'm not religious per say because I dont "follow" a religion BUT I do believe in God...
You're an atheist? Ok.
Respect. To each is own.
I love "You Can Call Me Al" and I don't think many are with me. I'm also taken by surprise that you mentioned how good it feels to find your book order on your desk, those were exciting times huh? I also think SO, that you shouldn't compromise your beliefs. I'm not an atheist, more like agnostic, but I know that if I didn't believe in God I'm sure not getting married in a church. As far as dating goes, I think you can each manage to keep your beliefs your own I would think. Where I see it getting interesting is raising children, and where do you stand on that point?
Lord there's a lot of comments. Oops, sorry about the "Lord" interjection. :)
I believe...in something. Not sure what. Funny you wrote this because just before I read this, I posted (a teensy bit) about a songwriter/singer: Mason Jennings. "I Love You and Buddha Too." A snippet of my post mentioned God. And when I say God, I mean a he, she or it...the Universe..who really knows?
Anyway, I think you'll find there are many of us cute, short, smart girls that can genuinely like someone who may not have the same views.
Just because I believe in something, doesn't mean I think everyone should. I understand about not feeling it. I've definitely had my doubts.
And I was raised in a STRICT Bible beating household. I was turned off for a looooong time. I still have a hard time with mainstream Christians. And living in small town Texas does not help matters. You should see people's faces (co-workers and family) when I lament about stupid Christians. I actually had a boss once that called me the anti-christ. Me. A Believer. Of Something.
Sorry your post opened the flood gates for me. Just wanted you to know you're not alone, even if you're an atheist and I'm a believer...of something. ;)
I don't consider myself an Atheist or a Christian and have historically thought it would be difficult for me to date someone who identified as either. I feel now like I could date who differed from me on religious issues if:
(a) we had the same basic moral/ethical/world view,
(b) we could both be respectful of each others' views, and
(c) neither of us had views so extreme that we'd be unable to see eye-to-eye on child-rearing and major family traditions.
Good luck, dude. I personally know a ton of hot atheist/agnostic chicks and am surprised you don't. Maybe it's the circles you run in?
Damn, 107 comments? You are an animal!
(how this makes you an animal, I don't know)
I'm not religious. It just was never a big part of my life. It could be the Canadian thing, though.
I consider myself agnostic, but my boyfriend, while not adhering to a formal religion, considers himself a gnostic, in that he knows there is something out there. I just haven't really made up my mind yet.
i lost my train of thought trying to scroll down through comments lol
but i think theres some atheist dating site. [shrugs]
My last boyfriend was, like you, raised in a Christian household and chose personally not to believe. I never once tried to convert him or make him attend church with me, and yet every time I would bring up my faith or my church community, he would mock me and make me feel like and idiot. I'm all for someone believing what they want, but if I can respect his beliefs yet he couldn't respect mine, isn't there something wrong with that?
First things first: books...drool...drool...drool...
*cleans up the puddle of slobber*
Now, onto the post. I love it. I agree with readers who say the different religions thing can work, I see it everyday at home. Mum is a Mormon and Dad is nominally a Taoist. I think religion has caused some sticking points in the past but honestly it's now never an issue. My sister and I were raised atheist due to Dad, although my sister does believe in a god now.
Anyway. While that works for them, it's because Dad doesn't really care much for religion and Mum is fairly flexible and tolerant. For myself, I am staunchly atheist and while I like to think that I would date most people regardless of religion (i.e. as long as they don't bash me over the head with it), for a long-term relationship I just don't think it would work. I have too many views on life that mesh with my atheism, and I suspect that someone religious would have issues with these beliefs and vice-versa.
I think there are more atheists out there than you think. I do agree that is hard to find people with similar interests, however, science geeks are typically intelligent, sometimes cute, and have a higher rate of godlessness! Best of luck! (:
oh my god--hooray for the ghostwriter reference!! maybe it's because i live in northern california, but i have no problem finding non-religious guys. in fact, sometimes that seems to be the only thing we have in common...
Oh wow, I am SO with you. Oddly enough I had a similar problem when I was single- only of course it was me who was the atheist (er agnostic actually) and then the guy who just didn't pass on the religious beliefs thing. I tried overseeing it- but I tell you, it doesn't work!
Thankfully I didn't have to settle. I still remember the first, no wait 2nd, date with my now-husband where we first addressed religion. It was a big sigh of relief that he too wasn't religious.
The next best thing to find out was that he was left-wing and voted NDP (a left-leaning Canadian political party).
Anyway, don't drop your standards- you will find a smart, pretty and non-brainwashed girlfriend. They're out there! Compromises are good, but I dunno that's one thing I personally had trouble with too.
I'm a little late on this boat, but my fiance and I are in a similar situation. He declared himself atheist and then decided on Buddhism. Either way, we made a conscious decision to respect each others beliefs and be done with it. In terms of frustration, I don't say a damn word about his beliefs, but get supremely irritated when he utters anything about Catholicism, even though it's more of a touch point to my belief system than an actual "go to church every Sunday, read the Bible" religion. It's hard being on either side of being preached at, whether it's for a religion or "anti-religion".
omg BOOK ORDERS!!! Probably the highlight of Elementary school. Well, that and when we raised caterpillars into butterflies in LEAP (aka smart people class).
What I find interesting about all of this is that it seems easier for people of different faiths to date, i.e., Christian and Jewish, than it is for someone religious to date an atheist. Maybe because if the faiths are different but a belief in God persists, somewhere in the back of their minds they think "well... maybe SOMEDAY I can convince him/her that *I'm* right..."
I too am a non-believer, and in the long run, I don't know how I'd feel building a family with someone who'd want to drag our kids to church every Sunday and send them to Bible School over the Summer. Could I get behind my children being fed a faith that I don't believe in? While I respect everyone's right to believe as they will, I'm not so sure how I'd feel about my own kids being indoctrinated...
I consider myself agnostic because I can't see any way to believe either fully in God/religion etc. and any way to actually disprove it. I lean (way) more towards being an atheist then being religious at all though.
I'm a nice person who loves my family, doesn't break the law and leads a happy life. I just don't believe in God or do anything because I think someone is watching me. I do the good things that I do because I know they are right.
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