One evening back in the early (darkest, most bitter) stages of my breakup, Leo and I threw a house party. At this particular shindig, I was taking shots of Jim Beam like there was no tomorrow. Jim and I still haven't made up since our big blow up from that night. Bastard.
I had met a girl there who happened to be a friend of a friend of a friend. Amber was relatively attractive, drank like a fish, but there was something particularly... "immature" about her. I was in a very dark place, so throughout the evening I pretended to listen to her as I took pull after obliterating from my pint o' whiskey. She was very nice and maybe I would have been more receptive to her if we had met at a different time.
At around 3 in the morning, I decided to pass out in bed. Amber followed me into the room and crawled under the covers with me. She kept going on and ON about how she hated living with her boyfriend ("There used to be so much passion! So much PASSION!") while I laid awake staring at the ceiling hoping that she had somehow miraculously gained powers of telepathy, would read my homicidal thoughts and leave me alone to wallow in my own depression.
That was two years ago. I haven't spoken or heard from her since that party.
In the back of my mind, I have always wondered what would have happened between her and I if I wasn't in that weird "immediately out of a six year relationship" stage. Over the weekend, I got to thinking about ol' Amber. Maybe it was time to be proactive and not be so picky. Maybe I do need to just "get laid" and bitch slap that fucking monkey off my back.
Impulsively, I text messaged Amber and to my surprise, she replied back. I had opened a dialogue with a girl who I can barely place a memory on due to a thick mental fog of Jim Beam. I discovered that she lives about an hour and a half away (not a quick trip) and is no longer living with her boyfriend or dating anyone.
After about 15 texts and a few emails back and forth, I asked if she wanted to grab a drink this Friday. She agreed.
I think the circumstances are pretty black and white here. I believe that Amber and I are on the same page. This was going to be a "hey, let's get completely smashed together and we don't really know each other and see what happens" Friday night.
I haven't ever had one of those.
Time to get insight from my best friend Leo.
Leo: After careful thought and reconsideration of certain themes on your blog, I've come to the conclusion.
1. You can't look for a girlfriend now
2. You need to have sex.
So@24: We're supposed to have drinks this Friday. It's been forever since I've done something like this.
Leo: You're GOLDEN! A few drinks, it's game on.
Leo: ...But seriously wear a condom. You don't want to jump into the LA River without a hazmat.
So@24: I don't remember ANYthing about her.
Leo: Here's the key. You're a condo owning baller making a little time out of your baller schedule to entertain this lass. You walk the walk, wear that confidence. It's all over.
So@24: And since I don't really care what happens anyway, this confidence thing will be a breeze.
Leo: ... I'm walking a real thin moral line here.
Leo: Basically, all I'm saying is, finding The Next One takes a lot of time and significant trial and error. We'd like to think it happens the way it does in The Notebook, but the truth of the matter is we try people out and see if they fit. You're basically seeing if Amber "fits".
Leo: That might be a bad way of putting it, but you see what I mean.
So@24: Well, what if I already know that she is NOT a fit?
Leo: Then you do it anyway to increase the size of the data pool. It's all in the name of science. At least that's what I tell myself. Besides, she could very well be fine with just having sex and that being that.
So@24: Maybe you're onto something...
Leo: I can safely say that for all women I've slept with recently, I knew that I was not interested in any of them. Sometimes I feel compelled to let them know it before (without being hurtful... "I don't think I have the time a relationship requires") and sometimes it's an unspoken agreement that we're both here to get each other off. But in every case, I'm settling in a way. Because I know these girls are not for me.
So@24: -scratches chin-
Leo: So. I think it's time for you to settle.
So@24: Oh fuck. Prof. Leo is making us buy TWO of his textbooks. I hate when they do that.
Leo: Dude. Residuals.
* * *
I guess the final moral question remains: If the opportunity presents itself, should I sleep with a relatively attractive girl (who may not be that bright) who I barely know with the slight chance that I'd get to feel her boobs? Discuss.
Leo's answer? See below.