I still get emails from time to time asking me why I started writing this blog.
There are numerous reasons, but one of them being (which I've stated before) is that when I went through the breakup; I wanted to create something to show others in my situation the progress of going through it.
I was surprised when I got a phone call tonight that would actually put my experience through the test.
Mama So: So?
So@24: Hi mom.
Mama So: Can you give your brother a call?
So@24: What's wrong?
Mama So: I think something happened between him and Celene [his long term girlfriend].
So@24: Yeah?
Mama So: Well, you've been through this! You can talk to him!
So@24: Thanks, Mom! Alright, I'll call him.
When I got my little brother on the phone, he was huffing and puffing. I've never heard him so livid in all my life. That's including the time I peed on his Castle Grey Skull playset.
So@24: You okay?
Lil' Bro: No man. I'm not. I'm so fucking pissed.
So@24: What happened?
Lil' Bro: She broke up with me yesterday. And then she FUCKED some dude that SAME NIGHT. God. I can't believe this. How could she do this??
So@24: I know, man. I know. Well... what are you going to do now?
Lil' Bro: You know what I'm going to do?? You know what I'm going to do??
So@24: Uh oh...
Lil' Bro: I am meeting up with her to confront her about this. And you know what I'm going to do? I have a fucking tube of strawberry lube and 4 condoms in my hand. I am going to throw them in her fucking face and say, "I hope you have fun!"
My brother was angry. Very angry. And he was being dead serious; he was going to throw this bottle of strawberry lube and four contraceptives at his ex girlfriend.
It took everything in me not to bust up laughing. I composed myself and said the only thing that came to mind.
So@24: Um. Do. not. throw. the lube. at her.
Lil' Bro: No, man. I'm doing it.
So@24: Wait-- why do you have strawberry lube?
Lil' Bro: Because I use it!
So@24: Alright, alright back to the topic at hand. You need to calm down. You don't want to do something you're going to regret later.
Lil' Bro: How did you do it? How did you do it??
Now Lynn didn't sleep with someone while we were dating. But she did date someone right afterward and then flew him back to our hometown for Christmas break all within a month. So, I could relate to my little brother to a certain degree. I know what it's like to fume with white anger, to feel completely helpless, and betrayed.
I told him my story, not as a means to compare who should be more hurt... but as a means to let him know that "Hey. Someone close to you has been there before."
I told him what kept me from not going completely ape shit. What made me keep my cool and think of the bigger picture.
So@24: How did I get through it? Well, you first have to ask yourself... do you never want to speak with her again? Is that what you really want?
Lil' Bro: ... no.
So@24: Well, don't you think that throwing a tube of sexual lubricant at her face might burn that bridge? This shit will pass, trust me.
Lil' Bro: If you saw it, you'd think it was funny.
So@24: Not gonna lie, that would be fucking hilarious. But I know you and I know that Celene means a lot to you despite all this shit. Go meet up with her, get your questions answered, but leave the lube at home.
Lil' Bro: Alright.
So@24: And the condoms.
Lil' Bro: Okay, okay.
So@24: Okay.
Lil' Bro: Thanks for talking to me. I actually do feel a little better.
So@24: Where is the lube and the condoms?
Lil' Bro: They are back in the drawer.
So@24: Good man.
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84 comments:
Awhh poor Lil' Bro. That is pretty mean of his ex to sleep with someone else right away. Booo.
Holy Crap I can't believe I'm first. I'm worried I"m typing too much and someone is going to beat me.
" Do.Not.Throw.The.Lube.At.Her " - freaking hilarious! I kind of wish you'd let him, just so you could update us on her reaction ? Drink in his face ? A bitch slap ? A tearful, melodramatic breakdown ?
It would have been blog gold !
I'll have to agree with Amy on that one!! lol
It would be hilarious!!! :)
but u did good me thinks!! :)
Best.Post.Title.Ever. Really.
Your poor brother. How mad must he have been to conjure up such a diabolical plan. I still wonder about the strawberry lube. That is a little TMI for you and the rest of the world.
You better check on him today. There is no telling what happened at their meeting and what he may have ended up throwing at her.
And why the heck would you piss on Castle Grey Skull? I mean really. He-man doesn't take too kindly to that.
I feel sorry for your brother but I'm not going to lie I was laughing out loud at this post...I love real life humour. Good advice big bro...noone's ever going to be happy about having strawberry lube thrown at them. Love. This. Post.
Awww! Good advice for him NOT to throw the lube and condoms at her!! It would have been pretty funny though if he did!
DUDE! You should have let him throw the condoms...she slept with someone the same day.
appropriate payback!
Aw, big brother So! How cute!
that was probably the best post ever. hilarious, and very mature.
You rock :)
Lol.. would have made for a few laughs even years down!
Good advice though.. never a good idea to burn your bridges.
Dude! Good job big bro. I think most of us are looking forward to the post friday night post. Good luck tonight, have fun.
Throwing lube in your ex girlfriends face...that's a first.
Thank you. Seriously dude thank you. For my new catchphrase.
It would have been funny to see/hear about him throwing a tube of lube in his ex's face, but in the end you did the right thing by talking him out of it and helping him calm down and be rational. You're one excellent brother!
Now go and ask him for the lube and condoms for YOUR BIG DATE!!!
Poor little brother and his broken heart! What a good big bro you are. You saved him so much embarrassment.
Great advice. Really great. You saved him big time.
Although I think I might laugh if my ex threw lube at me. Omg that would be hilarious.
I honestly did not think it was possible to make this Friday any better...and then I read your post.
You are my favorite person this morning. (but shhh because I already told someone else that today,kay.)
i want to see how many hits you get today from people searching "strawberry lube". i bet a lot.
this was the best story of all time. i am actually going to try to forget about it and then come back after lunch and read it again.
SuperSO@24! Saving mankind, one bottle of lube at a time!
That post title gave me such a wonderful 'WTF' moment.
Whoa
Whoa
Whoa
You peed in his Castle Grey Skull?! That's cold man, real cold.
Though with it being He-man he may have enjoyed your golden shower....
Get it? Because he's freaky like that?
It's conversations like these that make me wish I was a guy with a brother. Instead I'm a girl with a brother and our relationship is definitely not such that we talk about lube. That does suck for your bro, though.
THROW THE LUBE!
Oh wait, this is real life, not a Judd Apatow movie. Maybe don't throw the lube.
Oh SO, I sometimes cannot understand how you men deal with us messed up women, and somehow manage to stay sweet, respectable men.
But it's really cool to know that you boys have your own little Sex and the City thing going on...
i would for sure agree with the title of this post.
maybe if it was generic flavored - but not strawberry! ha
I feel bad for your Lil' Bro, but that was freaking hysterical.
i think "do not throw the lube at her" is one of those timeless words of wisdom that will always be true.
I dont understand cheating. You should leave a relationship if your not happy.
And throwing that stuff is only giving her free supplies. make her buy her own, forget that!!!
Next time I think about being irrational...like the one time I punched a guy in the nuts on a crowded bus full of drunk frat boys... or do something dramatic in retaliation, I will read this post and imagine how nonsensical I'm being.
IF your bro has a lapse in judgment and does throw the lube, see if he got it on camera...he'd be an instant YouTube superstar ;)
I cant believe you would ruin castle grey skull like that.
you're truly heartless.
but yeah, good luck on the no-strings-attached-date-thing you got going on tonight.
earn that v-card back.
I may have peed my pants a little when I read that your brother wanted to throw lube at her.
Don't judge me.
I do feel bad for him though... thankfully he had you for some sound please-for-the-love-of-god-do-not-embarass-yourself advice!
you're a good big bro, although it really would have been hilarious to be able to post he threw. strawberry. lube. at her! i featured u on my site today, love ya man!
Awwww...Celene behaved so bitchy:( poor lil´bro :( how old is he??? do you think I can comfort him? :P
Ya He should defiantly not throw the lube at her, been there and it was not fun. Although I can see how funny it would be to witness, but not when you are on the receiving end of lube.
Poor little brother.
I think he should start a blog too, then we can have big brother and little brother starting over blogs to keep us entertained.
HAHAHA
Solid advice, dude. Solid advice.
But my heart does go out to Lil' Bro. That really sucks.
Oh my GOD, I can't take it, my stomach hurts from laughing.
Poor guy. Us girls are jerks sometimes. He probably did something to piss her off. Not that what she did is excusable, but when a woman is involved in a serious relationship and in love with a man, she doesn't just "break up" with someone and fuck someone else the same day. I just don't think it happens. Speaking from personal experience, she may have felt betrayed by something HE did or said, or maybe he's been neglecting her and she needed a self-esteem booster. And I know that sounds awful, but trust me when I tell you it's not too far-fetched. Women aren't very different from men, hon.
my ex broke up with me after I accused him of cheating - which he had JUST done an hour earlier. then he told me he was leaving me because I didn't trust him .... then he moved in with the girl he slept with - like all in the same WEEK.
life sucks - please tell your bro that peopel that don't even know him (or you for that matter) are thinking about him.
it sucks when you are in the middle of stuff like this. Being lied to or even betrayed .... it changes your entire being forever. I feel for him. (AND you after reading all of your past posts - comforting to know i was not hte only one feeling alone)
Well, considering she went and had sex with someone the same night makes her seem like she isn't a great person to be with in the first place. Regardless, we all make mistakes, but with that said, if I was your bro I wouldn't even talk to her, let alone throw stuff at her. strawberry lube...hmmm, note to self. does in come in chocolate? i digress. he needs to walk away from the situation completely for awhile. but, no one ever takes me advice and rip the band-aid off quickly. prolonging agony just sucks.
I have to admit I burst out laughing when you wrote what he was going to do with the lube and condoms.
But poor guy. That just really, REALLY sucks.
Aw your poor brother! I actually applaud him for coming up with the idea of throwing the lube. But I applaud him more for not doing it.
I still can't get past the fact he uses strawberry lube. That means he likely tried other flavors- vanilla? chocolate? blueberry? vagina?
Ibluca77 has had lube...thrown...at...her. Seriously? Is this like some sort of epidemic? The trendy new thing to do when someone cheats on someone else? Holy shit, who even THINKS UP stuff like this???
that is hysterical. well, not for your brother. but for us, it is hysterical. i hope he gets it all worked out! :]
you're a good brother.
seriously.
my husband has two brothers, and since we've been dating, i find the brothers dynamic fascinating. and hysterical.
OMG too funny. Throwing lube at someone would definitely be a highlight in my day sometimes. :) Too bad for your bro though. But I think everyone goes through that at some point in time. I know I did w/ my h.s. boyfriend. Pissed me off too (where was the lube when I needed to throw it?)
At least he didn't say he was going to swuirt it on her. Now that would have been bad.
yikes im picturing lube in the eye... not fun
LOL who thinks of throwing lube anyway? i mean a condom i can see to make a point but a whole bottle of lube... not just any lube strawberry lube too... LOL
Tell him to hang onto that lube! He will need it for his revenge f*ck.
it's so lucky that little brothers like yours have big brothers like you, otherwise there'd be too much angered lube-slinging in the world.
man...glad you had the intervention. that's what siblings are for :)
aw you're such a good big brother. i don't know that i would have been able to hold back the laughs with the lube throwing though, that probably would have been awesome.
Well done! I don't think I could have a conversation like that with my little brother. It would just be weird.
But good advice. Definitely one for him to remember. Throw stuff at a girl, she wont be coming back. And man, your poor brother. That is harsh.
I feel for your little brother and do understand his initially angry reaction. (And, agree that I would have been wanting to laugh pretty hard as well!!) Good for you for being the mature, responsible older brother that he needed at a time like that!!
We've all had our problems with lube..
http://hexacorde.blogspot.com/2006/07/actually-spoken-during-course-of-my.html
This too, shall pass.
I have to say I'm a little disappointed you talked him out of it if only because the image of some guy throwing lube at a girl is just too funny.
Good advice. You're a good brother. But I wish he had told you AFTER he did it, just because the story would be amazing!
How's he doing?
Aww, poor guy. :( Good advice though. It's nice that he has you to help him out. Although, if at a later date he DOES throw lube at her, can we get a video? Ok, ok....joking.
Ah, the ol' bang-someone-right-after-breaking-up move. We girls like to bust it out when we're really mad at our exes. Hope your little brother is o.k.
The only way he should have thrown that is if he took a picture immediately after it happened!
I actually have had the same thing happen to me with breaking up to find out the lady has been boinking, or has the intention to boink, someone else. And most of my guy cousins have this story, too.
I wonder if we are susceptible to this as asians...?
yea, don't throw it at her. rip her shirt and bra off then squirt it all over her tits and take pics and post em on the internet :)
besides, those bottles of lube are hard, they could bruise! or poke an eye out if not carefully aimed.
You're a good brother. I'd have let mine throw it at her (condoms too!) and asked for pictures. Maybe even open, it would depend on my mood...
Ok, I'm evil.
I just wanted to tell you that I am convinced you don't actually read posts/watch videos on other peoples blogs. Your comments are too vague. Boo.
i can't believe you peed on his castle grey skull playset. that's kind of messed up.
(but nice job at calming bros nerves so)
Hahaha ... crisis averted So. Well done. Maybe he can give you some tips now!
Big Bro to the rescue!
Hope your little bro is doing better :)
that's what big bros do man, good job. Although, I would have helped him come up with a more ingenious way of getting her back, like posting that sex video of them on youtube
You should have told him to pop off the cap on the lube before he threw it at her.
Hilarious. Just hilarious.
It's cool that you did the BigBro thing and talked him out of doing something stupid, but damn if I wouldn't have loved to have heard the story that would have resulted from him throwing lube and condoms at her.
Hey, I don't seem to have your email address... so here is the 20sb featured blogger badge!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3047/3017073415_857483d990.jpg?v=0
Oh-Holy-Shit.
Glad you calmed him down. During break-ups we all think crazy things. I caught my ex-boyfriend cheating on my with my best friend and I seriously went nuts.
I actually planned not to say anything at first and to wait until he passed out drunk, stoned, high, and whatever else he liked to de. While he was passed out I would smear hot wax (not candle wax, but the hair removal kind used at spas) over his hair body and leave him there to figure out how to get it off or tear it off.
I'm glad my anger won out. If I had the patience to do that, I would really be crazy.
So glad that you talked to him...that could have been bad. Although, it would have been hysterical! Awesome that he has you to be there for him. When I am pissed, I have a hard time keeping sane and not doing rash things.
I dunno, I reckon it'd be pretty funny to have an ex throw strawberry lube at me. Now if it was flavourless maybe that wouldn't be cool. But strawberry? Sounds intriguing!
funniest thing I have read all day....
all week!
Wow, that's brilliant. Peeing in his castle grey skull, that is.
A good man, indeed. I remember how hard it was to hear different iterations of "This too shall pass" or "Time heals all things" but now that I have friends going through the things I went through 4 years ago, it's just true. Cliche as fuck but true. Time is the only thing that makes it better and nothing but stamina, seagrams and a clenched jaw are going to get anyone through enough time to not throw lube at someone. I think the people who saw me then and know me now are the only ones who are comforted by the time bit but that's ok.
Ahaha, this made my day!
Always good advice.
One of the funniest posts I've ever read! So glad you talked him down from that lube-throwing ledge!!
My sophomore year of high school, I broke up with my boyfriend. After school he wanted to talk to me in the library and we played cards(?). While we were talking/playing cards he got really upset, tossed a Dole Fruit card at me, told me to keep it and stormed off... like what was he going to do with 51 cards?
Anyway, he forgot his backpack and 5 minutes later he had to come back in and get it. I'm pretty sure he was mortified.
Silly boys. Just thought id share :)
How did I miss this LOL. This was so funny dude. Man I hate I skipped over this, but glad u referenced it in your recent post. LUBE and CONDOMS IN THE FACE LOL LOL LOL. Glad you talked him out of it though LOL LOL LOL
Oh man--seriously shoulder-heaving silent laughing at my desk right now.
I'm sorry SO's little brother, but that is so funny I almost snarfed my water.
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