Today marks the 2 year mark of the breakup that would be the catalyst to launch this blog. And today my ex-girlfriend Lynn has kindly offered to write a post.
I want to thank everyone for sending in their questions. I forwarded them all to her and she was stunned at how many responses she got.
She called down the thunder and she got it. Some of you were pre-tty ballsy.
But that's why I love you.
Part II, your specific questions, will be posted later this week. I hope you enjoy a unique insight into her side.
My side... The long awaited explanation and other side of the story. I have to admit that I am little nervous. I know that So@24 has a ton of avid fans and readers who likely hate my guts, and so I’m scared of what you might say. Please try to be nice everyone. I am just a weird little girl who isn’t heartless or mean! Haha. I will also admit now that I am nowhere near as funny or as clever as So@24 when I write, so here is my disclaimer now for my lack of wit.
How we began: I was 15 (almost 16) years old when I met So@24 in high school. He had at one time dated my cousin… which sounds really weird now, but when you’re lame and in high school, everyone dates everyone and so it wasn’t weird. I was shy but we hung out (our first date was a high school football game and ice cream), and because I was such an inexperienced little girl we moved really slowly. I had NEVER even kissed a guy before, let alone held a boy’s hand, and so it was a slow but sweet blooming high school relationship.
On my 16th birthday, So@24 came over to give me my birthday present. As the night ended I walked him out to his car. And, let me CLARIFY here (if you’ve been reading from the beginning you’ll know what I’m referencing) that he did not pull my belt loops the night we had our first kiss. He sadly has mixed two events together (sigh, typical guy). He attempted to kiss me the night BEFORE by pulling my belt loops, but chickened out and went for a hug instead. Hahaha nerd. So, the NEXT night (my birthday) he picked me up, slung me over his shoulder and carried me over to his truck. There he sat me down in front of him and kissed me. Wait… correction; he kissed my teeth because I was smiling! It was cheesy and sweet, I laughed and said I didn’t know what I was doing, and he assured me it was okay. Nine days later we became official (with an awkward “are you my boyfriend?” note passed at school)!
So@24 and I continued to date for 9 more months in the same city, but graduation came… as did Fall and he moved to a university 3 hours away. And, let me just say, I WAS DEVASTATED. I literally thought my world was over. My high school love was 300 miles away! Also, keep in mind this was 2001 when cell phones weren’t common and so I had no idea when we would talk, when we would see each other, or if we would even stay together.
We really struggled for that first year. I still had two more years of high school to finish, and he was in his first year of college. ENTER… the fraternity. So@24 was a frat boy. He partied. He drank. He talked to sorority girls. He went to dances. He socialized. He had fun… all without me. This drove me nuts. I was the young, insecure girlfriend back home… missing her boyfriend and feeling jealous and lonely. This neediness drove So@24 crazy, and was the cause of a ton of our fights!
As the years went on, we thankfully adapted. I got a car and we each got cell phones, and so the communication between us was better. We would see each other every other weekend, and the deal worked out pretty well. Eventually over time things fell into place and we get a better handle on things. I understood his college lifestyle a little better and our lives didn’t feel as separate as they used to.
So 5ish years go by (yeah time flies). So@24 graduates college and has his post-graduation “what the hell am I going to do with my life” crisis. I selfishly wanted him to move home, but I wanted him to be happy too. He dreamed of moving down to LA to pursue his love of film and all things entertainment related, and so I encouraged him as best I could. Although I was horrified at the thought of my beloved boyfriend living 1,000 miles away (that’s a plane ride folks, no longer a do-able drive), I didn’t want him to end up as one of those old men who sadly looked back on what ‘could have been.’ So, come September of 2005, he moved to LA. I bawled my eyes out as I moved him into his new apartment, but I toughened up. By then I was used to saying goodbye.
A year goes by and now comes the time for me to pick a university to transfer to so I could finish my BA. By this time I was so sick of long distance that I decided to move down to southern
August of 2006 I moved down to
I know that So@24 seems like the perfect guy, and everyone wonders why the hell I broke up with him! But here is the deal… Keep in mind that the So@24 I broke up with was the So@24 from 8 years ago. This was the immature So@24 who knew nothing about what girls needed, wanted or expected in relationships (and I was horribly naive as well). As young couples do, we had already established our relational patterns (both positive and negative) and so we simply developed too many habits that weren’t good for us. Looking at who So@24 is now, I am amazed. I truly believe that although sad, our breakup was incredibly humbling for him and it has turned him into an even more awesome guy. I know that he has learned so much from our experiences, and that is what I believe has led him to becoming who he is today. Please know that I didn’t break up with the So@24 of today; I broke up with the of So@24 8 years ago. We all change, but old habits die hard… and for us that really was the case.
Below is an excerpt from an email I wrote to a friend who asked what I gained from still being friends with So@24 (my friend does not understand me because he doesn’t speak to any of his exes). I feel like I was able to explain me and my intentions really well here, so take a look:
“I gain the close friendship I had with him back. He is an amazing person, but was just not the right boyfriend for me, and so losing him as a friend caused a huge void in my life. He and I are incredibly similar and weird, and so our friendship is very rare because of that. Also, just his understanding of my life and personal experiences is comforting to have since he has known me for 8 years. From an awkward sophomore in high school with braces to a growing young woman in graduate school and living on her own... his consistency in my life is a huge comfort.”
“He gains the same in return. He has explained that he has accepted the fact that we will no longer be together, and he would rather accept that, move on and be my friend rather than hang on and loose me as a friend. He also views our friendship as rare, and he really appreciates me as a person. I don't think he has ulterior motives or hopes of getting back together with me, but I do admit to myself that there may be a tiny something is still inside of him (only because he wasn't the one to break it off). I do think he will 'come around' eventually as time heals and our friendship remains strictly platonic. He will date, he will like other girls, and he will sleep with them (and I encourage all of this). It's just a matter of time, and I am just ahead of the game since I've had another relationship and was ready to move on.”
“Until you end it someone you love and have been with for such vital years, you likely won't understand why some people remain friends. I agree that it's rare with a lot of people and it's a huge mistake for some, but I think So@24 and I are a few of the lucky ones who can handle it. Our relationship and friendship was just that important. I mean, we were best friends for 6 fundamental years... and so even if we don't date anymore, letting go of the friendship is impossible. It was put on hold as the intimate relationship ended, but the friendship never went away.”
I don’t think I can explain it any other way. He is a great person, but our past has a few too many issues to look past. Although those issues prevent me from viewing So@24 in an intimate way now, they don’t change the fact that he’s an amazing person and an irreplaceable friend.