The Joker, The Alpha, and The Good Ol' Boy

I wasn't quite sure what to expect going out to the bars for the first time with a relatively new group of guys.

I don't know Marty very well and I've only socialized with him when Leo was around. This was going to be a totally new experience.

The bar we were going to was within walking distance, which means... you fill up on carbonated deliciousness for free beforehand.

As Marty and I worked our way through a 12 pack discussing world politics, possible solutions to the subprime mortgage crisis, and the brilliance of Samuel L. Jackson's delivery of "I am sick of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane", we were joined by two of Marty's roommates: RJ and Alex.

RJ plopped down on a leather couch with his hands shoved in the front pocket of his hoodie and Alex's shiny shoes clicked on the hardwood as he strolled over to the mini bar to pour himself a drink.

The empty beer cans piled up and RJ got to talking. I'm not sure how it started, but he started to explain to me the strategies that each of his roommates use to successfully court women.

RJ: It's simple. Every guy has his own place on the game board. Think of it like Monopoly. Some guys are the top hat or the iron or the thimble. A thimble shouldn't try to be the iron and vice versa. The thimble needs to focus on a being a thimble.

So@24: Go on.

RJ leaned forward in his chair. This was some serious shit here.

RJ: Let's break me down first. I know I'm not a bad looking dude, but I'm not like my boy Alex over here. I do know that I am a funny guy. So I embrace that. All I do is, approach a girl... say a funny line, listen to them for a little bit, say something funny based on what they just told me. Bam. Done.

So@24: Alright, what about Alex?

Alex smirks and pours himself another cocktail.

RJ: Check out that motherfucker. Doesn't talk much, right? It's because he doesn't need to! He knows how to dress and when he comes into the room, girls instantly notice him. He's got that Alpha Male complex down PAT. Girls eat that up. They sniff out confidence; they can't get enough of it. That's his game and that's what he does well.

RJ: Last up on the chopping block is my boy Marty over here. There are a ton of girls out here who love the idea of getting on some guy who isn't "LA". Marty fits that need. Tall, white boy from Kentucky. Cleans up nice and has a face you'd be proud to bring home to mommy.


RJ: It's so fucking simple. I never get why guys have such a hard time with this concept. I can't be as suave as Alex, Alex can't play off as the good ol' boy like Marty, and Marty can't bust out a joke quite like me. You just have to focus on what's good about YOU and make sure that girls see that right away. Now drink up, it's time to head out!