He sat at the entrance of the bar at in a plain black t-shirt and flashed a devil-may-care smile. We shook hands and immediately got seated. I ordered a pint of New Castle and he got himself a green bottle of Heineken.
I'm sure we were quite the sight to most of the bar patrons. A 6'5", Caucasian, male in his mid-forties dining with a 5'3", 25 year old Asian who could pass as sixteen. What could possibly bring these two guys together? Well. Blogging.
Ol' Riff Dog (his alias) and I don't share very many readers; which is not surprising considering what we both have decided to write about on our respective slices of the internet. He is a family man using the controversial website AshleyMadison.com to find... well, companionship in women other than his wife. My blog was born out of the ashes from a burned relationship and trying to find that next girl.
But then again, maybe Riff Dog and I aren't so much different. We're both looking for something. And that something is something that only our mysterious counterpart, the fairer sex, can provide.
I went into the "blogging convention" with visions of Riff Dog taking me under his wing, drinking scotch on the rocks and telling me the secrets to his success with women. What actually transpired wasn't exactly what I thought would happen, but it was fun. I mostly listened to his adventures on AshleyMadison, we exchanged our online "dating" horror stories, and I answered some of his questions he had about So@24.
Riff Dog: So, lemme get something straight..."
So@24: Sure.
Riff Dog: You had a friend who you used to go out with and she would pass out in your bed...
So@24: Mmhmm.
Riff Dog: And you didn't do anything? Nothing at all?
So@24: Nope. She's always been strictly a friend. Nothing would ever, ever happen.
Riff Dog shook his head in disbelief.
It's always hard to explain that I have girls that have been and always will be just friends.
When it was time to go, Riff was kind enough to pay the bill (Thanks, Riff!) and we shook hands once more. He headed back to his home with his family and I headed back to my apartment to finish up Season 2 of Hey Dude. Told you we were different.
What did I learn with my encounter from the electrifying and suave, Riff Dog? Unfortunately, I did not get the magical step-by-step process in which to charm my way into the heart (or undies) of any woman I encounter.
But I did walk away with something.
I want to say that there comes a point where you grow out of, or at the very least embrace, your insecurities. At 25, we're still too pussified to make moves and put ourselves on the line. We still feel too vulnerable to women.
I think there is something that comes from being at the stage where Riff is versus where I am now. He oozes of confidence and he's the type that when he knows what he wants, he goes for it. I believe that I'll be there someday.
At least, that's my theory.
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43 comments:
OH MY JESUS FIRST COMMENT!!!!!!
This is a dream come true. Oh and since I'm moving back to LA I talked to My Your and we would both love to meet up with the amazingness that is SO. Seriously. I'll keep you updated.
Yes.. my friend the Dawg known as Riff is super confident online.. I wonder how confident he would be in real life.. maybe i will find out one day? He is on my bloggroll as a friend and i enjoy our online interaction.. Would it be the same in real life? Riff says he knows how to shuck an oyster.. but do we believe him.. :-) love Tiff
Well if that theory is true, i wish my time of not caring about insecurities would hurry the hell up. Seriously, i'm smart enough to know that half of what i worry over is complete and utter crap, but its still there and i still cant get past it.
Being in your mid-20's sucks big ones....
You do realize that with this post, you're going to have quite the cadre of slightly-jealous women, right? ;)
hey so. beautiful revelation. but i think you're completely right. a lot of my friends prefer men well into their 30's for the exact reason of them being comfortable in their own skin. being the same age as you, i'm still not quite at the point where i relish in every aspect of my personality but i hope to get there one day too :P
It's also great when you come to the point that it would be nice to be in a relationship but it's not the end all if you aren't.
Like the lesson learned there :) I don't get why people find it so hard to understand that some of my guy friends have always been and will always be, just friends.
Ok I am starting to think you are kind of sketchy. Is that blog for real? I mean it wouldn't take much for his wife to go onto his email. I just don't get why you would blog about cheating. Kind of degrading. Anyway, I think you need to surround yourself with normal people. That's the first step in getting a date.
Is Hey Dude still as cool as it was when it was on Nickelodeon? I loved that show!
Blogger meetups are the scariest fun you will ever have. You have no idea what will happen, but it always turns out fun.
At least I think it's fun, for all I know they leave going "Man, that Rachel is one crazy bitch!"
ummm... when are we BOTH going to party with Wilson? I want to see him make an ass out of himself too.
Awwww, I like the not so sure of themselves guys. I'm attracted to the ones that have no game. I hope you stay sweet.
Have I mentioned to you before that my boyfriend is 26? We met when he was 25 and me 28? And I should let you in on a little secret, quite a number of my 30 year old friends have a harder time getting a date or staying in a relationship than you do. Nope, they are not butt ugly. I swear.
Throw the rules and games out the window. You, my friend, are a sweet, sweet guy. Stay that way.
It's a little wild and a little strange...
When you make your home out on the range.
So mount your horse and come along...
'Cause you can't catch a ride if you can't hold on.
Better watch out for those man-eating jackrabbits and the killer cacti.
I'm embarassed.
There's this old Mad TV skit with Bob Newhart where he's a therapist. His answer to everyone's problems? "STOP IT!!" You're feeling insecure? Stop It!
Yeah, I know it's not that easy, but really, the insecurities don't just fall off, they have to either get beaten or forgotten into submission. You're probably having issues now because you haven't dated since high school when it was really easy to find a girlfriend, comparatively. (Everyone's choices were basically limited to the school, not an entire city.)
Although it's very interesting to find you think you feel too vulnerable. I wonder why that is. Maybe because you're trying very hard to find a relationship? Maybe you still need more time to work out those insecurities before you happen to find that picture in your head?
you meeting with Riff somehow warms the cockles of my heart. so you do follow advice, sometimes. I'm like a proud papa.
someday I'll join you guys - I know the hood you're in...
His blog rubs me the wrong way. I just have strong opinions on the whole cheating thing, but to each his own. Hey Dude is a great show! Ohhhh old school Nickelodeon, I long for thee.
I'm dangerously attracted to confidence and even arrogance. Just saying.
I saw the title of this entry and had wondered if I had accidentally stumbled upon Riff Dog's by accident...nope, I hadn't. Riff Dog is awesome, even if whatever he does may be a little on the shady side.
Nothing wrong with seeking some advice from those who handle things differently, and you got to share a drink and have good conversation.
I think you are right about at 25 you are still pussified. As you get older you do get more and more confidence, and even if say you do get turned down you don't care the way you did at 25. Trust me, when I was 25 I was much more shy than I am now. Now I couldn't care less if a guy is not interested in me, that is his problem. Men are like a bus another one will be on its way soon.
As for the sleeping next to a friend and keeping your paws to yourself is very gentlemen of you, but for all you know maybe the girl wants to cuddle with you at least or maybe even more. You never know until you try. Most of my friends are guys and I have had to spend many nights sleeping next to them and waking up with their hands "accidentally" placed where they shouldn't be, but hey it is all in good fun.
You got me blushing here, dude! It was really great meeting and I wish I had had more time. I think another visit is in order!
I'm planning to write more completely about our visit on my blog, but for now, let me say that SO@24 is every bit as fun in person as he is on his blog. Nice guy, honest and all that boring stuff. And he's a good looking guy (granted, as a heterosexual male, my opinions may be somewhat less than "expert.") In other words, I think women would consider him "a catch."
Yet he isn't getting laid. My preliminary diagnosis? Two things:
First, he's very picky and sticks to his standards. His beer goggles seem to be completely non-functioning! Second, he won't fuck his female friends!!! I encouraged him to reconsider this. After all, what's the point of having girls that are your friends if you don't have sex with them once in a while???
Yes, we definitely need another meeting. But don't worry girls. He's too nice a guy for any of me to rub off on him.
i think you summed it up perfectly at the end.
why do you think women hit their sexual peaks around age 30? they get more comfortable.
Well, i'm glad you had a good time hanging out with a cheating penis poker, but I can in no way agree or understand such horrible behavior. I hope you never take advice from this guy,
Sounds like a great meet-up.
Differences can enhance things, and our insecurities can both scare us away and drive us to greater heights.
Hope you gain your confidence soon-- you seem like a great guy!
SO! dora is not the halloween costume i was referring too. cmon i need a male opinion! an honest male opinion.
haha, there's nothing wrong with passing out in friends' beds without having sex. It's just drunken sleeping, and as a side bonus, the two people will remain close without the sexually related bullshit. Girls are crazy and overthink -- it's nice to have guy friends that will remain friends ... without integrating crazy.
Crazy. I didn't see this coming.
yeah i think you'll be oozing self confidence eventually too. self confidence is hot, obviously.
Oh yeah, you met with the darling Riff...I'm glad that you took what you did from it. I could not see you being the galivanting penis that he pulls off so suavely, but you are a different person all together...to take advice from someone fishing with a completely different set of tools would be all wrong. But it was good for you to get some perspective on the online world, I hope that he gave you a few pointers. Be yourself SO, you would not want to meet someone that did not love you for being yourself! ;)
I don't think it is weird that you have "just friends." Even though it makes perfect sense to us, there will always be those little old ladies who think "you oughta marry that Andy boy..."
i think your trying to hard... relax and all will fall into place
or you could just find the barslut at the corner and get her drunk and take her home...
At least you realize that lesson because most guys our age don't and just weasel out of things instead of admitting it's scary. Ok, ok, even us girls do too (but less!). But you gotta start the journey somewhere.
But 25 is the best time to get out there. You'll never look this good or this young again. Get out there.
I'm going to read Riff now.
You hit the nail on the head, its all about confidance. You know, there's nothing wrong with thinking you know what you want, going for it and then being wrong...Sometimes some of the biggest "mistakes" of my life have yeilded the best results in the end.
I do believe you're right. The insecurity of youngness does fade with time, and then when you're my age, it's not insecurity, it's apathy that gets you nowhere. You're in your prime, man! Keep at it!
So it took me 2 days, including 12 work hours which involved me hiding your blog beneath mounds of internet windows that lined up my screenspace, to finally read through every single one of your post, and man have you gone through a journey. I have enjoyed reading about your approach to the dating game, as hilarious and interesting as it is. [the soft as dickskin and simba comment nearly got me fired from laughing out loud].
I def understand alot of where you are coming from in the dating game, as I am in a brand new city [Houston] with barely any friends out here. But it will happen.
I was on a similiar drought as you and meeting girls in the oddest place [stripper & once on craigslist...errr] But along the way you will finally meet that person. [I met my current gf while attending a salsa class].
Awesome blog and you def got a consistant male reader to comment on the craziness that resides in your world. ha
I forgot to add, I'm somewhere between you and Riff on the both the height and confidence continuums. (Ok, maybe a bit closer to Riff on both, but still in between!)
And since you can't do anything about the height, its all about the confidence, dude. Focus on your strengths, not your (perceived or real) weaknesses...
I'm pretty sure there needs to be some 80's type movie with the two mis-matched friends and their crazy shenanigans.
People keep telling me it happens around 25 so let me know if you figure it out b/c I have a few more years to go...
But your "man date" sounds really cute :-)
My friend, you really need to stop over thinking this dating thing. Really picky people don't usually have one night stands or casual sex for that matter. I don't think you need to lower your standards, that's what makes you one of the good guys, but don't over think the encounters you do have. My two cents for the day.
I've heard that with age comes confidence.
Let me know. LOL
Riff just linked to this conversation today, so this was my first time reading it. Nice post --I like your style, though I'm in the Riffdog/AM boat of relationships.
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