Suck my balls online dating. Suck. My. Balls.
Here's the process I feel that most people (including myself) go through.
Step 1: You're single
Step 2: Find yourself dateless for a long time
Step 3: Give up on meeting anyone decent in real life
Step 4: Wait a few more months
Step 5: Reluctantly try setting up an online dating profile
Let me take a moment to speak directly to my fellow single homies:
If you think you're a failure for not making it in the real life dating scene? Wait until you fail at the online dating scene.
All the excuses you give yourself in real life to make you feel better are thrown out the window entirely. E.g. "Oh, she probably has a boyfriend" or "She probably didn't a good look at me because the bar was too dark" or "She didn't want to leave her group of friends and ruin girl's night".
I'm too ashamed to even announce on my own anonymous dating blog how many emails I sent out to girls (okay okay, less than 15, more than 5) only to get absolutely NOTHING back.
The worst part is, online dating let's you know every step of their move; no room for doubt. They actually TELL you when they read your email.
It soon becomes an obsession: whydidn'ttheywriteback?whydidn'ttheywriteback?whydidn'ttheywriteback?whydidn'ttheywriteback?whydidn'ttheywriteback?
They clearly read my carefully thought out email! How picky are these girls?? It's not like I am sending out a million emails saying "lemme see dem titties." I thought my emails weren't half bad!
I never thought I was an unattractive guy (except for that was that one time). But online dating has made me question everything about me. I'd even go so far as to say it's a much more brutal process; in which you are given a once over and then quickly tossed aside. Your looks are everything, right? You can't help but think that these broads are doing a quick glance at your profile and thinking, "OMG. Pass!"
I'm a fucking figment of J.R.R Tolkien's imagination. These girls are shrieking like cheerleaders and tossing the nearest vial of Holy Water on the computer screen.
And if that's not bad enough, the ONLY person who has "IM'd" (unprovoked, mind you) me is a 19 year old girl who has the most cliche'd alone-in a bathroom mirror with my cellphone-gritty-MySpace pics ever.
19 Year Old: hAi sWeEtIe hOw aRe yOu?"
So@24: Oh hey. Great, how about you?"
19 Year Old: GOOD
So@24: I should take off, I'm actually heading out to a friend's place.
19 Year Old: O! Kewl!!! tAlK tO yOu sOoN kay???