A very brief, lightening speed recap for those who aren't caught up on the Janice front. Crazy J is a huge attention whore, had her middle name legally changed to "Kawk Teez", and a New Zeland kiwi could shame her on an IQ test.
But she has nice sweater yams.
I don't keep in contact with ol' Janice very often (for obvious reasons). And I'm used to the game that she plays... it's a routine we've gotten into. She makes a coy, "cute" joke about how we're going to make out, we meet up for a couple of drinks, and at the end of the night we leave separately. At first I was annoyed by this, but I've come to expect it and if you expect it and don't give two shits; it's all in good fun.
This particular evening, our usual, tried & true method of interaction didn't quite go down as usual.
Now Janice has her good qualities. She is the girl you don't have to take seriously or even pretend to be interested in. She'll take any shot you put in front of her (as long as you do one too!) and can be good for just that "surface level" fun that can be refreshing. Think of her like a shitfaced pinata.
We guzzled Redbull Vodkas, took a couple of "bartender's choice" shots and in general: got down with our alchy selves.
But closing time was drawing near and I could tell my friends wanted to take off. This is how our conversation went down.
So@24: Alright I think we're taking off. Good to see you again.
Crazy Janice: I didn't get drunk enough tonight, so I'm not down to make out with you. Maybe you can try your luck again tomorrow night.
Wait. A. Fucking. Tick.
Now maybe it was booze. Maybe I have just been overly sensitive of girls who will suck the blood (see: attention) of absolutely any male they come across in order to stave off death (see: Caitlin). But I took this as a pretty presumptuous and insulting quip coming from this girl. I never made any gesture that I wanted to make out with her. Pretty fucking bold. And did she just say that she had to be drunk to make out with me?
A visual would be much better than my words will be able to describe, but stick with me. Imagine I am over-acting as all hell. Sarcasm oozing from my pores.
So@24: Oh shit! Me? You?? I get to hang out with you?? With the possibility of making out? Tomorrow?
Crazy Janice: Oh fuck you, So. You fucking asshole!
Patrons of the bar are turning to see what all the commotion is about.
So@24: So I guess we're on tomorrow right? You know, to possibly make out?
I have an enormous grin plastered to my face, I toss up two double thumbs up and start to moonwalk out the door.
Crazy Janice: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
Two of my friends start to awkwardly squeeze past her.
Crazy Janice: Are you friends with that fuck??
Two Friends: Um. Yes?
Crazy Janice: Well fuck you too then!
* * *
Doogie Howser Writing in his Diary on his Commodore 64 Moment
* * *
* * *
With every nice guy, there comes this boiling point. Where we get sick of always getting trampled upon, our genuinely nice gestures get taken for granted and taking it up the ass like Jennifer Connelly's character in Requium for a Dream. These girls who just like to dangle the carrot are so transparent, it's laughable. I had to take one back for us.
And I think hit that line when she thought she had some upper hand on me.
Needless to say, I think that's the last time I'll ever hear from Crazy Janice.
95 comments:
huahuahuahuahua!!!
That was GREAT!!!!!
chances like that come only once in life... lol... enjoy! :)
PS.. Did she REALLY change her middle name???? hehehe
Holy crazy bitch Batman! Like she was doing you a favour!
Nice job in the bar SO, I'm applauding you and giggling at your comeback :) now, run far far away from her and NEVER look back.
It sounds like she really earned herself the nickname " Crazy Janice " so i say by clawing one back for the good guys you've done yourself a favour.... well played sir.
HA! Good for you!
NOOOOO! You know crazy janice is my total favorite. I like the way you told her off, but I'm still going to mourn the loss--LOL
bwhahaha thats fucking awesome. brilliant move.
Well, Crazy Janice sure is...crazy. And probably lonely as I am sure not many people want to be her friend let alone date or even make out with her.
Good for you for not putting up with her shit! She took that "joke" or whatever she was calling it a couple steps too far.
Oh, I'll miss her, SO.
What an absolute nut.
Oh man, I've totally gotta work on my moonwalk. The Thumbs Up/Moonwalk exit is too good.
yikes!
good for you sir. good for you.
Janice makes me cringe. But at least she makes us normal ones look good.
I almost wish you'd been a little more mean, she deserves to be called out on her crap. Not that it would make a difference, she's beyond help.
Wowwwwww. Well good for you for standing up for yourself. Good riddance.
girls are friggin crazy! Glad you got rid of her!
Also, I don't know if her name really is Janice, but I've never met a Janice I liked. Janices are bad news bears.
Well I cannae say I'd be sorry to see her go...
Haha you are hilarious :)
btw, the Caitlin link doesn't work.
Oh wait, maybe it does...
I'll bet cash that she calls you like it never happened at some point, maybe a week, maybe a month, but mark my words. You've not heard the last of Crazy Janice.
You only THINK it's the last time you'll ever hear from her. If only you were so lucky. A personality like hers is bound to pop up once her ego reinflates and she needs attention again.
But still, great shot at her!
WOW.
Good for you for standing up for yourself, that girl sounds horrible.
That said, I am literally the OPPOSITE of a cock tease. I only flirt when I really, really like someone (and rarely even then) because I absolutely hate the idea of leading someone on or hurting them.
And yet? I have still had the "Nice Guy Blows Up at Me at a Bar" moment and it hurt because it made me feel like I'm just a sexual object to him, rather than a friend he sincerely wanted to hang out with.
Which, in some ways, is what it sounds like Crazy Janice was to you. Even though you knew the chances of make-out action were slim to none, it doesn't sound like you sincerely liked her as a person either. She was maybe just responding on a certain level to that? It's like some weird vicious cycle (that it sounds like she definitely started).
Best comeback ever.
Very well played, sir, but if Crazy Janice has taught us anything, it's that she will be back. Not unlike the Terminator.
hahaha...
that was awesome man. Nice way to throw it right back at her for being such a bitch and putting her in her place.
If you do end up hanging out with her again [which i would end up putting you in the crazy category] I highly suggest instead of the thumbs up/moonwalk out the door, to just flip her off/running man out the bar.
haha.
great post as usual.
Bravo! I loved the moonwalking bit.
What a bitch! Good for you. You dropped her down a couple levels!
As Richard Dreyfuss said in "What About Bob?"
He's NOT gone, that's the whole point --He's NEVER gone!!
That being said, well played. Sometimes enough is too much, you know?
Damn, SO. Your blog is too popular. Every time I click over, there's already twenty comments. Don't know if you'll ever get to mine.
I just wanted to say, "Hell yeah!" You were already way past nice by forgiving her frustrating tease act, it's good that you stepped in and let her know exactly what this is. Just because she lives in a fantasy world doesn't mean you have to join her.
I've known similar girls. This sort of creepy co-dependence and superiority complex in any friend is a slow-working poison. Good to get it out of your life.
How are we not friends because that move? PRICELESS. I always think of those things later and wish I had said them. I would have LOVED to see that.
Too funny. I love the Doogie reference. Although he really does take it up the ass and enjoys it. :)
I will miss the crazy J stories tho. She's a nut case.
There is no other way to leave a bar than to moonwalk out.
The nerve of that bitch! I woulda moonwalked my ass outta there, too. Well played, SO.
Watching Reequiem for a Dream makes me want to kill myself. WOW what a depressing movie!
For some reason I don't think is the last we've heard of Crazy J, lol.
Because you checked her she's probably in love with you now. Mark my words, she'll be back for more than making out.
haha great!! ur totes making out with her. no girl can resist the moonwalk.
Wow. The sad thing is that it probably won't be the last time you hear from her. Because she is an attention whore and an incompetent one at that. You've now both given her some drama to chew on and resisted her sweater cows. Like catnip. Sorry, Charlie:)
GENIUS! Good for you! She has to be DRUNK to make out with you??!! Who the hell does she think she is??!!
Awesome job. Well done. I bow down to you sir.
Or rather you should take a bow.
I need more coffee.
Nice work SO! I love reading your blog... always entertaining, you're a great guy, so don't take it the wrong way when I say that's one of the few times I've seen/read you really man up. You know now she's going to want to fuck you right? Trust me, you'll hear from her again.
Brilliant wee anecdote! This post put a big smile on my face. Brilliant comeback.
She has such an extensive vocabulary. I'm surprised you lasted all night chatting with her.
I don't think that is the last of CJ, I think she will want the last work and will be looking you up again when she's nearby.
Good Luck with that one, you have a doozey there.
HAHAHA, the moonwalk part had me laughing soooo hard!!
Never met ya, but the visual in my head is priceless!
LOL!!!!
(My wit's escaped me for the moment, so excuse the lack of an eloquent response).
But seriously, this psycho's (CJ) entertaining stuff :)
oh. my. gosh. could she be a little more crazy.
well played sir!
Tell me more about these yams...
That is just weird. And very high school.
Thank god. Just reading about that chick annoyed me. I can't imagine how you could stand her in real life. Raise your standards for [real or teased] booty calls my friend.
Ben Folds - The Break Up Song. Listen to it. It'll make you laugh.
Is she for real? Like shes got beer pouring out her mouth and kissing her would be like dying and going to heaven?
I like the way she screamed at your friends. Sounds like she might have been too drunk to me.
WOW!!!!! she is crazy! hhehehe
great blog!
I have to high five you for that one. I hate that those girls give the rest of us a bad name.
Fuck it, my ovaries want to high five you too
Do it!
See, it wasn't disturbing at all
Good riddens. She bugged.
"Think of her like a shitfaced pinata."
I almost sprayed coffee on my monitor at this one. So mean and funny at the same time...
So you are or are not going to meet her again?
Because I would.
Desperate right here.
Maybe you are not destined to make out with piss cat gals..? What about giving some of the quiet civil babes a go..? Head to the library! Remember that seekers find. I feel like some Jack right now.. :-) Love Tiff
Nice exit. I mean the moonwalk would have been strong but pair that with a thumbs up combination and you are golden.
Perfect exit. LOLOL
awesome. That was pimp...I'm not gonna lie. Anything with double thumbs up AND classic dance Michael Jackson dance move thrown in is the epitome of pimp. If you grabbed your crotch and spun on the spot to turn your back on her as you walked out that would have been like uber pimp...it would have been pimptastic. And now I have slaughtered the word pimp enough.
Outstanding! Carrot danglers piss me off.
Crazy Janice is crrrrazy. And giving the rest of us a bad name.
For serious, most girls aren't like that.
My old college roommate was though. And it was adios to her too...
And the moonwalk? Priceless.
As much as she sounds like a handful, a shitfaced pinata does sound pretty fun to have around.
Because pinata means party, no matter what are the circumstances.
HAHA - that's kick arse! She sounds like a real ass-clown. Good riddance Crazy J
Bye bye Crazy Janice!
You won't be missed.
1. she's a bitch.
2. babsy could totes pummel her ass.
3. "Think of her like a shitfaced pinata."??? BEST.LINE.EVER. i may just in fact have to incorporate that into my vocabulary.
Aww come on! I always liked Crazy J and her wild antics. She will be missed.
She is totally gonna call you in a few months and act like nothing happened. Or, maybe she was such a "shitfaced pinata" that night that she doesn't know that happened. Either way, she'll be back sooner or later.
Wow.. apparently she has no sense of humor.
.. and just like that you found your confidence ...
fucking.awesome.moonwalk baby!
Wait was this the same janet from the jump who was kind of your rebound potential?
You've been drinking and I haven't even had one shout out?
At least I have an excuse! I haven't been drinking, unfortunately.
ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa
the moonwalk to the door is brilliant.
this was your ah-ha moment!
i'm sensing** a new attitude on the horizon for you....
**i see blog people
I love love LOVE that you referenced Doogie Howser typing on his old school computer. It made me think of the Doogie Howser theme song...which is now stuck in my head.
Never say never. I expect an update about her. . . maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the day after tomorrow, maybe not even this year. But sometime.
And I'll be waiting. Believe you me. (whatever that means)
Hilarious
Love the moonwalk outta ther...
Tell me you left her with the bill?
That was friggin brilliant. You my friend are my hero. That should friggin teach her.
Pff, you´ve done a perfect move! Why would she think you wanted to make out with her? (that´s something guys are too evident at, when they do want to make out) anyway, I bet she honours her name...%&$&%, Good for you!Congrats!
I just found your blog and I *love* it! I'm looking forward to reading more :)
you know you have just become a challenge to her now.
good for you to say what you think.
i am going to be in La from Friday to Monday so recognize!
that b*tch is crazy. gives girls a bad name.
Every Janice I know is crazy. Coincidence?
hahaha yes. you are awesome.
*starts slow clap*
you're learning!
A shitfaced pinata - hilarious. Although, I imagine shitfaced pinatas would get old after a while. That makes zero sense, but it sounds right...
I would say the chick seriously lives up to her name. Great come back!
haha... reminds of dane cook's joke about douch bag karen... good one. get AWAY from her.
Crazy Janice sounds like a total bitch. Good on you for finally getting rid of her!
What you SHOULD have said is, "Okay, we can skip the making out, and go righ to the screwing."
And, then, you moonwalked right out of her life!
Ugh. Too presumptuous and cocky. Next! (onto new fun crazy girls!)
Um. I'm convinced you've made Janice up as a character to make your blog more entertaining. Right??? Right?? I just don't believe you.
Also, come to Chicago please. K, thanks!
I really hope no one refers to me as a shitfaced pinata.
~irish
90 comments?? NINETY?! Holy hell Mister. I need to learn from you.
Anyway, every Janice I have met is a little...shall we say psychotic?
Not that I'm stereotyping...much
Good for you! who says nice guys can't moonwalk out on a crazy bitch while she curses them out!
and the Doogie Howser flash was gold
And here I thought you and I have next to nothing in common but singlehood, a liking of beer, and we often "nice" ourselves into being "just friends." Then I find out you have a carrot-dangler too!
Mine's a blonde bombshell who uses my trip to the restroom during dinner to accept phone numbers from the other men in the joint who think they have a better chance than I do of seeing her naked.
And I, too, seldom hear from her unless she wants her drinks/dinner paid for and can't find any other willing sucker. But, it's a dynamic that apparently works. heh.
Oh, but by the way.. dude... Moonwalk?!
Wow....you might actually have a pair, nice response.
I had a girl (that I didn't know previously) try this with me, but instead of letting her pull that line...I went scorched earth and abruptly left and gave her my number to give to give it to her "hot friend who looks like fun". Not only did she yell at me, but her friend looked interested. My friends were cracking up. Bridge.Burned.
OK sorry for all the ridiculously months later comments, but I am just catching up... your moonwalking was the icing on the cake. Hahaha!
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