"I mean, it's literally like someone took America by the East Coast and shook it, and all the normal girls managed to hang on."
- Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, 2005
I've spent a lot of this blog discussing what I like in girls, what I miss about girls, who would fit my ideal, etc.
I don't really have stories about what I don't like. And a pretty good example of something specific came up this weekend.
Since my roommate has taken off, I have gone through some steps to break out of my comfort zone and push Operation Branch Out into effect. This means: hanging out with a new group of folk.
When Leo left his job, he struck up a friendship with his replacement Marty. Marty invited me out to a karaoke bar in Santa Monica to meet up with some of his coworkers and their friends.
The happenings at the bar weren't anything to write home about. However the ride back home is where our story begins.
Our ride home is a coworker of Marty's who also has to take two other girls to their cars back in Hollywood. I'm automatically stuck in "bitch" (the middle seat in the back) because I'm the shortest. Big fucking surprise. Marty is on one side and this sloppy, drunk girl is on my other side.
Now here is what I have learned from my OWN personal experiences with LA girls and/or girls who are obsessed with LA. You're going to have to dig out your 3D specs in order to sift through the red and blue shit storm to find the cool ones.
Wanna-Be-Star-Fuckers are the worst. This girl went on and on about this one actor (who I've actually encountered and was a complete arrogant prick). She wouldn't shut up about him. I asked her if she was one of those people who thinks that the doctors on E.R actually know how to operate. She slurred/garbled something which I will take as a "defense", but I guess we'll never really know.
The worst part was that she started talking to Marty and me about some dream she had where she was in some threesome.
There are certain (see: shitty) girls that love discussing how they are closet lesbians. Or that they have always wondered what it'd be like to be with a girl. Or will defend to the death how girls are the best kissers so "why not". Or can recall a time when they made out with their best friends, but it was "no biggie".
Nice party trick. It's really transparent and fucking annoying. This girl had her eyes rolling in the back of her head while she spewed the same thing over and over again. Her head lolling back and forth.
We get it. You make out with girls, but you're still straight.
-golf clap-
Maybe I'm alone in this train of thought, but when girls go off on this... it annoys the hell out of me. I understand that this does happen and I'm not saying that this is a negative in any way. There's a HUGE difference when girls use it as a means to make yourself more attractive or cool; I don't get it. I'm not placing my Lisa Frank binder in front of my chub hoping to get in on some of that action. It makes me think that you really have nothing else to talk about and are trying to compensate for something.
I'm only half listening to you... when in actuality, I'm wondering what they do to make the Mystery Flavor in Dum Dums.
Goddammit.
73 comments:
I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure this is just smart on the girl's part. They all know how we guys fantasize about the MFF 3-sum, so they make it sound like they're up for it too, (but not really hung up on it,) thereby increasing their desireability factor.
Some just play the game more convincingly than others....
Um, I am in awe that there is a term dedicated to "Lesbian/gay/bi before graduation". shouldn't it just be "i get too drunk in college and do stupid things...." ?
I like lesbians...
Even the faux sexy dancing between two straight girls in a bar bothers me. Ultimately if you were really into the girl you wouldn't be using her to attract men.
great story. mind you, you'll find this wherever you're from. i was raised in norway til 5, moved to los angeles and was raised amongst the valley of the plastic dolls til i moved to arizona 2 years ago. even we have a los angeles only to be called scottsdale. you should visit sometime. lots of things to write about. ta ta!
*A
http://thiswoundrousjourney.blogspot.com/
I'm on the other side of the country with the really big red dots!
Girls like that just want attention, which most of the time they will get with that conversation and like you said she had nothing else better to talk about, and most likely if she was sober she would have nothing else to talk about.
Looks like I am moving to southern California... even though I am sure there is a freaking HUGE blue dot over Calgary... except I don't want a redneck or a total pretty boy... *sigh*
First, I agree that women who do that are just attention whores...at least the ones who have to talk about it.
One thing I find about LA is how much of it is a matter of what you make of it and perspective.
Although I do know a hand full of one-upppers, wanna be star f*ckers, etc, MOST people I know personally are very laid back, run of the mill people. I'm not sure how or why that totally differs from your experience, but I'm glad it does, because people like that girl are just plain annoying and give other normal LA girls (we DO exist) a bad name.
Agreed that girls like that only want attention.
I personally am 110% hetero, having never kissed a girl, and am also usually too busy trying to impress a man with my 80's TV show theme songs, very obscure new wave one hit wonders (which I sing loudly) or talking about the latest food item I have ruined by melting too much cheese on top, to bother with the closet lesbian talk.
move to atlanta. see how big that red circle is? Problem solved
move to atlanta. see how big that red circle is? Problem solved
God dammit. I love you.
First - "-golf clap-" if effing hilarious. Put the sarcasm totally in perspective.
Second - I've ALWAYS hated these girls. Even more annoying are the guys that actually buy into the "two drunk girls making out at a party" bull shit.
SO overrated!
I seriously don't get the whole girl-kissing-girl thing. At all. It's like I respect some people prefer their own sex and all, that's life, but the ones who do it purely to titillate men? SERIOUSLY, it's just so fucked up. Can't they get guys attention another way?
But, but, that's our superpower! You are like our kryptonite. Next you'll tell me that crying has no power over you....
Nice choice of movie. And that stupid Perry girl, you know the one who sings that obnoxious song about kissing a girl, has really done something (stupid, but something, nevertheless) in the name of girls. Which I hate, of course. But there are loads of chicks who love it because of its poppy goodness and quirky story line. You know, obviously that girl you got to sit next to in the car that night.
I'm so sorry.
I've kissed girls before, and I'm straight, and I didn't get a thrill. When you're kissing someone you're not into at all, it's gross. It's just two tongues touching, eww.
my best friend is a lesbian trapped in a man's body...
Where I live, there's more women than men. I may either have to import a relationship or date the same boyfriend I had in high school.
THANK YOU. I'm totally not impressed by the attention whores. The ones that advertise like that are the ones that are obviously compensating. It's like meeting a guy that won't stop talking about his Porsche or something. Boring as shit.
Wow, that handy little chart just taught me to move to West Coast.
Some girls are just too dull to have anything else to talk about but their hookups, be they with famous people or other dull girls. Personally, I don't get it. However, if you find out what's in the Mystery flavor, please pass it on.
hmmm. im noticing that where i live is a big red dot!
that's it, i'm moving to LA
Hhmm?
very
very
interesting.
I'd rather hear a lesbian story than a OH MY GOSH I WAS SO DRUNK story. Especially when you don't give a shit about anything they're talking about because you don't even drink.
I'm sorry, but drunk people just annoy me, and I really just wanted to write that somewhere.
Perhaps that´s the only way they think they have to arise mischievous thoughts in you :P
Love the golf clap and the Lisa Frank reference!
i'm pretty sure a lot of girls just have fun teasing guys that way. i don't know, just a thought.
YES! I'm glad I live on the west coast... I get the pick of the litter.
Also, why didn't you just push that girl out of the car while in motion?
Simple fix.
Girls kissing each other just increases the amount of girls not making out with me by two.
Lisa Frank binders and dum dums in the same post. You never cease to amaze me.
I totally get what you mean about those girls. I went to an all-girls high school and I met this chick in college who went to one too and she used to constantly flirt with guys and talk about how she used to make out with girls in high school. She liked to give them the visual of her kissing another girl while in her uniform. And she used to tell the same story to every guy. It was ridiculous.
ER doctors aren't real surgeons?!? No, but really, I need to find some Lisa Frank. And move to Denver.
Whatever happened to the girl across the pond?
i KNEW i moved to the right coast.
i had this female friend who used to always grope girls in front of her boyfriend whenever she was drunk. it gave me a reason to stay sober at parties just to avoid her.
and i always get to sit bitch to. it really is a height thing...
1) was she talking about John Krasinski? I know how much you love him, lol
2) I feel like that blue dot is where I should move. Maybe it'll up my chances.
thing is, thier so fucking ugly they have to make up erotica (like girl on girl sex) for you to get horny and want to fuck them. sadder thing is most men probly just walk away with a half hard cock and go beat off to some real erotica not blemished by drunken slurrs.
So refreshing to hear that a guy is not into faux-lesbos. I HATE it when girls do this to get attention - although I had to pretend a girl was my date on Friday to get her (a new friend and only a friend) back into the lounge patio with me. I wasn't trying to turn anyone on though.
Want to switch places with me? NY seems to be a hot spot for a surplus of single women while CA is a hot spot for the single men!
I never bring it up unless someone asks about it... and if someone does and I feel like it, I tell the truth: I've been with one girl, just for the hell of it, good friend. Just wanted to see what the fuss was about. And it was nice, but not the way I wanna swing.
Doesn't make either of us bisexual, and we don't use it to reel in men.
I'll never understand girls who make out with othe girls just to get attention. I'll joke around and flirt with other girls, but I'd have to be pretty damn smashed to kiss a girl, and she'd have to start it.
That said, I'm really tall, so no matter how many girls I might kiss I'm still too intimidating for most guys to approach. So it kind of ruins the purpose. :P
I could extrapolate from that that you just don't like fakeness and obvious attention-whore-ness. Which I think is accurate in general, if I read you right.
I could've told you that the majority of the female population lives on the East coast. Mainly cities. You should come here.
Oh and that girl, she just wants attention + super drunk = what she talked to you about. Mmm...attractive much?!
i hate attention whores. seriously. especially ones like that. it's one thing to be experimental, but does it have to be broadcasted? or done for the sheer pleasure of getting noticed?
ugh.
There are more men then women in LA? Seriously? I'm so moving there. Maybe you should consider moving to Cape Town? The ration of men to women is 1:2 and half the men here are gay. Like shooting fish in a barrel.
I had to add my two cents here.
Substance.
Compared to elsewhere--San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, even San Diego... on average, Los Angeles women (and many men) lack substance.
I often joked that it would be funny to open a club up in Hollywood--on Sunset maybe, right next to other ultra-hot clubs like Area, Le Deux, or Opera. As the proprietor of this imaginary club, I would make sure it had everything expected--beautiful insides, great music... heck, I'd offer free valet and even make the drinks cheap. Everything that'd make a great bar great.
There would be a caveat though. In order to get in, you'd have to answer 3 questions.
1) Name the present Secretary of Defense, and, for a free drink, the man he replaced. If that's too hard, name the Prime Minister of England. Hint: It's not Tony Blair.
2) Name three major figures in American literature.
3) Point to Pakistan on a map.
And lo, come opening night, this bar would remain empty.
In no other city on the west coast would this happen.
Here's my issue with many of the folk I've encountered in my 8 years of living in Los Angeles. This is both men and women, although I will say that women tend to be more noticeable. They are pretty. They know they're pretty. They act as such. Their self-absorption is tragic, because unbeknownst to them their hubris exposes the vapidity of their character.
Why these men and women act this way is beyond me. I think, if I were to wager a guess, it's because of a prevalent cultural theme of LA--a culture that attracts the attention-seekers, the narcissists. In my experience, so many of these people come to find fame (or be around it as much as they can).
It should be said the people I just described do not comprise everyone in Los Angeles. I would wager they are a minority, although a very very visible one. But it's a far larger minority than anywhere else I've been.
And, as a single guy, it can be rough--it's not like there isn't a plethora of beauties out there wearing outfits that are, uh, drafty... it's just that their personalities are... disappointing. Very disappointing. They're very attractive carbon copies of each other.
The asshole in me always wants to pull them aside and remind them to enjoy it while they can--there will be some hotter, younger little strumpet or pool boy coming up to usurp you, and when that happens, where are you left? Beauty fades, and banking on it is a piss-poor long term investment strategy.
In the end, it's no skin off my back so who am I to raise issue. Rock them Ed Hardy's, folks. LA wouldn't be the same without you.
Ok, I'm so moving to LA.
90,000 more single men then women?! What the hell am I waiting for?
Also, I know girls like that and I just roll my eyes. We get it you think men like lesbians therefore you are a pretend one. Goody for you
here's an alternative view to the general clone view! have the courage to express a different opinion guys and gals! does being intimate with a vibrator mean that are a robot? just because robots contain plasic, switches, latex, wiring, lights and moving parts? so if i have a fantasy of "kissing a gal" and i follow it through, does that make me a closet lesbian? ENJOY YOUR ROBOTICS! i love all you guys and gals, just giving a different opinion! love Tiff
Trapper Keepers!!! AHHHHHHH, I love how you always manage to bring me back to elementary school!
I'll spare you the 'stay away from girls who make out with other girls for attention because they proabably have low self esteem issues or are crazy' warning...you seem to have figured it out yourself=)
Ah yes, you're talking about "thesbians" - girls who act like lesbians. We real dykes hate that shit, too. They're always stealing our stuff.
I hate those girls, too. And I hate the guys who eat it up and give the attention whores the false sense that everyone is interested in a real live "Girls Gone Wild" show. Barf.
can i get a jewish version of this map?
its too bad im not a lesbian, closeted or not, I live in a "lots O' womens" area.
Girls like that are super annoying. The sad thing is most of them do it b/c they have such low self esteem that they feel like they need to have a guy into them to feel good about themselves and figure this is the easiest way to do it. So in a way I feel bad for them, but that is quickly trumped by my annoyance and I just want to punch them in the boobs.
That map? Completely and 100% accurate assessment of the places I've lived.
SO@24, if you want to find a girlfriend, go to Atlanta! I can promise you the ratio is something ridiculous like 4:1!
Dangit, I knew I was supposed to move out of LA - look how big our blue dot is!
The girls who do this, do it because they think that it is something guys like and will be interested in, and hey...sometimes it is. Girls are always hearing about how guys (I'm generalizing, of course) are into the girl-on-girl thing. It's in movies, it's on Tv, maybe a guy has mentioned it etc. However, any girl with an ounce of self-respect and half a brain would realize that it's pathetic and just screams "desperate". Girls like this are just insecure and have nothing else to talk about, plain and simple. I'm pretty sure their brains are the same consistency as cotton candy.
Makes me appreciate life here in the slow midwest.
You lost me at Lisa Frank binder.
I had all of those binders. ANd stickers. They were AWESOME.
I take it that chart does not indicate cool single people? Not that I'm one but I'm hoping I can trick a cool guy into not noiticing that I'm neurotic.
Oh and this one time I made out with this chick in a bar, because she was hawt and a good kisser...
Ok all that is a lie.
fingertalks lives in one of the huge ass red circles, boo, we need to switch circles.
According to that chart, you're pretty fucked - and so not in the good way.
=/
P.S.
I totally love making out with girls, 'cause they DO kiss better. And because my boyfriend doesn't feel as though it's "cheating," so I can get away with it. It's my loophole.
I'm with ya on hating those girls. They only say it because they think it's what guys want to hear - a surefire sign they're as fake as they come.
What the hell DO they put in it??
Girls do some stupid shit to get attention sometimes.
Boys pay attention to some stupid shit A LOT.
It's all part of the dance... ;)
Dang, quit yer whining about there being more guys here and join meetup. The guys you think you're competing with for wimmin go home every night and play video games. This isn't Alaska where it's serious or anything.
jeez, i had that lisa frank binder, and probably the matching folder and pencil, in 1st grade.
i got so distracted by the memories that i can't be mad about faux-bi girls.
I think it's their misguided way of gaining attention.
I thought girls only did that when they were young and wanted attention. Grown women should definitely not be acting like that. Kind of makes me sick. Actually when I am on the dance floor and see people doing that I usually have to stop dancing and stare at them and laugh. You should try that out next time.
Looks like the east beats the west. Move to the east coast. The only thing you might miss is the warm weather. It's a way better lifestyle.
Thank you, sir. Honestly, I think these "OMG I was so drunk and kissed a girl on a counter" girls are doing a disservice to real bisexuals, who are minimized as a result. No thanks to f-ing Katy Perry.
If this is America... I'm glad I only have fleeting glimpses...
Drunk people are disturbing and most definitely *not* a pretty sight.
And women who have nothing to say before being drunk, have even lesser to say afterwards.. unfortunately, that doesn't stop them from opening their mouths.
I like the repartee with Crazy J. Is it just me or is the name "Janice" on a woman an indication of deep-seated dementia?
Girls who do that are classic female chauvinist pigs. If you want to kiss another girl, big deal. But if you really wanted to, you wouldn't think it was something that needed to be bragged about endlessly; you would just do it.
woah. what. there aren't that many guys here.
oh. wait. there arent that many WORTHWHILE guys here.
It is so much more entertaining to be a closet hetrosexual.
I was so sure I wanted to leave S. FL, but considering that chart, I may be disappointed, unless I relocate back up to NYC/NJ...darn you ratios!!
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