The masochistic pattern is falling for the overly flirty girl.
Well no shit, So. Everyone also likes ice cream. And a person who flirts with them.
Okay. Fine. But my point is that there are a small band of us who have this cycle of actually falling for the same type of girl... the type of girl who never actually intends to reciprocate.
We're idiots. We're that little Pomeranian you can punt across the lawn and it'll come yapping back ready for more! Or better yet, you can even compare us to Charlie Brown and Lucy pulling away the goddamn football every goddamn time.
I feel your pain, Chuck.In any case, there's kicking of some sorts involved.
It's extremely difficult to break this vicious cycle. You can't help what you find attractive; there's something electrifying when a girl singles you out (no matter how brief) and laughs at your jokes or hooks an arm around you or sends you an ambiguous text message. It's addicting, we crave it and we'll make up excuses to allow it to continue.
And every time one of these types flirts with us, we foolishly think that we're special. We're unique. Why do we do that?
Even though I know her history of leaving men in a trail of bloody, heart-juice... it doesn't mean shit. We think that "we're the one that was able to tame"
"Come on," we think. "She can't be acting this way to EVERYONE."
But let's be honest with ourselves. That's mostly the case.
I always wonder who these types eventually settle down with. What was their courtship ritual with the guy they end up in a relationship with? Is it the same method of sickeningly, blatant flirtation? Do they eventually reach that point where they end up being the antelope instead of the jaguar?
How can guys like myself rewire ourselves? We're conditioned to take signs of flirtation and translate it to "this girl has an interest in me romantically". Otherwise, how else are you EVER supposed to know if a girl likes you?
More importantly, how can you change your thought process to not be smitten with these girls who delight in making fruit smoothies out of our guts?
67 comments:
it works the other way too. There are guys that are just...charmers. There's nothing we can do about it.
So I'm worlds apart from you both physically and relationally, but when google reader suggested that you'd make me happy, I agreed.
I had to laugh that some of the guys I probably unintentionally agonized would have the same thought, as to what would it take to make me not flirt and how would the relationship work?
In response, flirty girls can eventually settle down. I once was . . . but am now 2 years into a happy marriage. Flirting only reserved for each other.
Who knows what makes the flirty girl settle down? But it happens. Now how about those flirty guys? The ones who talk you into dinner on Saturday night and then flake. The ones who text you from the bar but never call...
I think we all just grow out of it. Hopefully.
Fruit smoothies out of your guts? That is intense. That sounds like the girl who always falls for the bad boy. I think it is human nature not necessarily a curse and you just need to be aware of it as it's happening and don't make too many quick moves. :)
pavlov. just shock yourself every time it happens :P
That last line makes me oddly thirsty...
*wicked grin*
I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for saying this, but sometimes the girls don't know what they are doing. My sister, for example, smiles a lot, likes to hug her friends, touches people on the arm when she is talking to them and various other things that sometimes make men think she likes them. I have to tell her to tone it down a bit when I can see an unsuspecting guy getting pulled in, but she honestly doesn't do it purposely.
Here is a good example: Sister has 2 guy friends she hangs-out with a lot. In comes one guy friend's mother who sees sister with both guys and makes a comment later to her son that sister likes them both. Son of mother tells mother that sister is just like that with everyone. Ironically enough sister did like one of them, but that is besides the point.
In my experience the flirty girl always falls for the nerdiest guy. It is always one of those, "She ended up with HIM???" feelings - which doesn't help the questions of whether there were ever sparks between you. Then again - I'm pretty sure people say that about every boyfriend in the world. Let's face it - men struggle as a species.
I think girls like that end up with the guy who's not that interested in them, or at least acts like it. They want the guy who doesn't treat them like the rest.
I hate girls who flirt with everyone. How will a guy know that you think he's special if you flirt with everyone? Especially since my whore roommate does it and the guy I liked fell for it. Blech.
please make that Charlie Brown pic into a poster for me, it makes me laugh EVERY TIME I look at it. No rush, I'll wait............
There are guys who act like this too. Best best is just to avoid those types and look for other types of people.
well SO i think you are on the right track. Acceptance.
you know that you fall for flirty girls, so now you must consciously think is this girl one of those girls?!?!
but who doesn't love a charmer? they are pretty irresistible.
Guys make fruit smoothies out of our guts too. Trust me I could give you a list of the times it has happened to me, but you don't have that kind of time.
Okay I am going to start telling you my fav line from each post. In this one:
"We're that little Pomeranian you can punt across the lawn and it'll come yapping back ready for more!"
Yea its the same with flirty guys. You think you're all special and then it turns out Jane, Sarah and Lacey are special too. Damn them.
suck it up. girls really are the tougher gender, sheesh.
Ah, I hate the girls/guys who flirt with everyone. Most of the time I think it's just a competition for them to see what kind of body count they can rack up.
When you want nothing, you have everything...or something like that.
I tend to not pay much attention to women who are known flirts, though I'll hit on their friends....nothing speakers louder, than not.
it completely goes both ways. you drive us nuts as much as we drive you to your room to jerk off from frustration...
are you doing a countdown to leo leaving? *tear*
Ha ha. This was hilarious. Also I think I have now become the antelope. It's so not kewl. It's enough to make me change my evil ways.
I'm loving reading these comments from women who think that men are just as bad at times. Funny lies, funny funny lies.
I've been in similar situations and I, right off the bat, make my intentions clear. "Don't rev the engine if you don't want to go for drive."
"...leaving men in a trail of bloody heart juice..."
love it!
Don't know what to tell you though. I'm constantly falling for the wrong guy, so, I'm not much help.
A little crush keeps things interesting. Two can play at that game - don't give her any more than she's giving you, and just see how far she wants to take it.
Why can't you play abit instead of always hunting for 'the one'?? Stop putting the pussy on a pedestal man!
What, you lost your fedora? Better find it, quick....
"we foolishly think that we're special. We're unique."
I hate to quote Tyler Durden here, so I won't.
I'll never understand the overly flirty girl. I know one and I just can't figure her out. I don't know if it's an attention or control issue. I hope they grow out of it though. Same goes for overly flirty guys.
I think I sometimes come off as the super flirty girl, but I'm not sure if I'm necessarily the type you mean. And in any case, obviously I get a lot of crap in return from my friend Karma.
I agree with MM about the crappy guys who are just as bad. Those are the ones I go for. Any little scrap of attention and I'm desperate for more. But an actual nice guy? Not fun enough, or something. I should grow up.
A while ago you wrote about Caitlin...something to the effect that as soon as a girl loses the slightest bit of interest or cools off in an almost unnoticeable way to back off completely.
Do you think you go for the overly flity girl because you don't have to wonder if she's into you? It's easiest to talk to a girl who is already lighting off fireworks with every man she passes than the girl you might actually have to take the time to get to know.
"Funny lies"....HAHA!
Flirty girls convert when they get tired of the game, and/or get sucked in by someone better at the game...and then they just revert back to be insecure.
Can I just say that I loved the fact that you covered poor Charlie Brown's eyes? Hilarious!
oh man i know it's already been said before but this definitely goes both ways. there are the guys that flirt with anyone with boobs and somehow you can fall for them. no good whatsoever. i basically just had to keep telling myself they were fun to flirt with and nothing can change that.
I say, buy her a drink.
(You're welcome other overly-flirty girls.)
Having lost out to the overly flirty girl on a number of occasions, I take comfort in knowing that that they generally have not developed much character since they can rely on their first impression charms. At least thats what I tell myself as I nurse my chardonnay alone at the bar.
bad habits die hard - eventually (at least hopefully) we all grow out of them, but flirtation can be enjoyable in it's own right, too! so have some fun but nip it in the bud :)
We women are prone to the same behaviors my friend.
It's sickening,
Wow, is that girl me?! (Generally speaking of course, I'm no where near the West coast.) I certainly don't go out of my way to flirt or make a guy think I'm really into him, that being said, at the bar I certainly try to be "fun", "cute", friendly and charming. I genuininely enjoy learning about other people and making them feel interesting. My favorite example was at a bar when I was chatting with a guy who turned out to be in the police academy. "Wow," I said, "thats a really great job!" He responded "Really?!? No one has ever said that to me before." Sad.
The thing about those girls (and guys) is that when they really do find someone they like, that's when they DON'T flirt. It's like opposite of what normal people do. I dated a guy like that once - and when he DIDN'T flirt with someone, that's when I took notice.
Being a flirty girl myself I take a little bit offense to that. I love to flirt. The guy I'm dating also happens to be a big flirt. But we come back together throughout the evening and we always end the evening together. And there's a difference between flirting with someone and straight-up leading them on to believe there could be more.
My ex was Mr. I-Don't-Flirt-and-If-You-Flirt-You're-a-Cheating-Whore.... oops - does that make me sound bitter?! I'm not really, I swear. I just think flirting is -- for the most part -- a very innocent and enjoyable game.
hello again!
Well I must say this post really struck me. I am the perpetual friend of the type of girls who do just that. Really. Almost all of my best friends have been that girl.
Fact: majority of the time, they really DO know what they are doing on some level. They enjoy the attention and like to tell themselves and everyone around them that as long as no 'moves' are made, they are just friends with everyone.
Girls like that love the chase... but many seem to end up with completely opposite guys.
As for guarding yourself against these types, find someone who can help keep you grounded. Find someone (Leo-esque) who can pull you aside regularly and tell you the hard truth.
Same happens to girls. For a long time I kept being attracted to the same type of guy. Otherwise known as "jerk face" and nothing was reciprocated. Once I figured out that I kept falling for the same type of jerk face, I started widening my view, looking out for other "types" of guys. And that definitely helped.
laurwilk mentioned you in her blog today so I thought I'd check you out! You've definitely been keeping me entertained today in between me doing actual work!
You could always kick them first.
How is what you just described any different than the guy who's just looking to score?
Either way, there's a helluva show being put on. Whether it's the girl who wants your attention or the guy who wants in your pants. As soon as they get what they want, they're gone.
And you're left thinking you were sure you were the one to tame him/her.
see, i'm the overly flirty guy. i usually don't fall for the overly flirty girl, cuz well, we can smell our own. the trick is to be aware. be truly self aware. they may actually be interested in you in some way, but when you become a puppy dog, they lose interest. at least, that's how i am.
“… these girls who delight in making fruit smoothies out of our guts?”
So, I would like to point out that not all girls who possess what you define as a “flirty” personality have malicious intentions. For the sake of brevity, I’ll simply distinguish between two basic classifications of “flirty” girls. The first being as you described in your post, and thus probably someone you want to avoid. The second being a girl who …
(1)Exudes an inviting personality – laughs, smiles, listens, hugs, teases, etc.
(2)Most likely does this naturally without purpose, because it’s her innate disposition
(3)Does not do so in order to garner attention or because she’s a man-eater
(4)Instead, enjoys making people feel warm, welcomed, and at ease
The second girl is someone you might want to get to know better. You’re a smart guy So – you’ll be able to quickly assess what’s behind the wink and the smile.
I've had a couple of guys that I was attracted to do this to me....I hate it! Then again, I can't lie, back in the day I used to tease some guys, thankfully I've learned my lesson and don't do that anymore!
Crap, is this post about me?!?
Hahaha... KIDDING!
But seriously, even the girls who flirt with EVERYONE fall in love. It just... happens. Then you still might flirt, just not in any kind of seriousness.
Flirting is just FUN! It's the actions behind the fun flirtflirtflirt that indicate further interest. Ya dig?
;)
well, everyone else (mostly) has said the same thing i was gonna say........so i'll just say hi!
I have no answers for you. But yes, it does work the other way too. And I sincerely wish I knew how to make myself be attracted to the boys I should be and not be attracted to the boys I shouldn't be. Le sigh.
It's the same with guys. The charmers.
Just recognize them. Flirt back. Have fun. But don't think much of it.
replace every falling for 'her' with 'him' and you've described me to a tee. i do this ALL THE TIME. 'the one to tame'. pssssha. still working on that one.
I was wondering what guys are thinking when they see the flirty girl comin' at 'em. And now I know (kinda). I was never the flirty girl, so I had no idea why guys would continuously volunteer to have their hearts smattered.
Why can't the guys fall for the klutzy girls?
"how can you change your thought process to not be smitten with these girls who delight in making fruit smoothies out of our guts?" You have an amazing way with words my friend.
But it's totally a hard thing to get over. I used to have a thing with falling for the flirty guys. And I think part of it was a conquest thing, like "this time I'm going to enjoy the flirty guy and he's totally going to fall for me too". I think the only way to get over it is to just grow out of it...
im kind of glad to know that some guys think about 'maybe ill be the one to rein her in' bc i know an awful lot of girls who waste their time trying to be 'the one' for all those bad boys out there.
try to appreciate a flirt as a flirt, enjoy it, but dont get your hopes up
Do they eventually reach that point where they end up being the antelope instead of the jaguar?
Yes, they do.
Mostly, the flirters will back off when you get drooly. They realize at that point that they've overplayed their hand.
Don't feel bad- I still get caught up with the boy flirters- thinking that they will surely cause their own death by trying to steal me from WH, only to find out that every girl they meet is the prettiest one they've ever seen....
I totally fall for the boy-flirters, but then I reverse it on them all kung-fu style and flirt with them AND their friends until we can't figure out who started it all and who actually likes who.
And I wonder why I'm single
A great post :) Like flirty men those women want a challenge and their version of perfect. Just ask yourself: is this a female Leo? next time you come across one.
Flirting is fun, you just got to flirt back, and even if she didn't like you at the beginning, you can charm her into it.
Oh man, I have the opposite problem. I'm shy and a terrible flirt, but the guys I fall for... always fall for the flirty girls. I think most men just prefer the women who are making it easy and I make it too hard. Sucks, man.
I agree with Commenter #1. It's, most definitely, not simply a girl thing. Guys do it, too. And it's equally as frustrating. :/
SO - It goes both ways. There are flirty guys as well. Let me tell ya, there are some that I've dealt with who are downright scandalous but it's all in good fun.
You have to know the game to deal with it one on one. Sure, the person may be flirting with you hardcore and all but c'mon now. It's in a bar. How seriously can one take that?
Again, just my opinion - but flirty guys can't get mad when they get zapped by flirty gals.
we settle down with the 'good guys'... the ones who give us space to continue flirting. it's not the best deal for them, obviously, but good enough to deal with us.
Is this really a man who owns this blog?
i'd hit it.
62 comments.
Hopefully no one else has cleverly pointed out that on a Venn Diagram, there's probably a huge overlap of Circle A: Waitresses and Circle B: Overly Flirty Girls. Though I'm not sure how Circle C: Pinwheels fits in...
Yes there are some girls who flirt in this manner as the poster above noted...
(1)Exudes an inviting personality – laughs, smiles, listens, hugs, teases, etc.
(2)Most likely does this naturally without purpose, because it’s her innate disposition
(3)Does not do so in order to garner attention or because she’s a man-eater
(4)Instead, enjoys making people feel warm, welcomed, and at ease
However, there are (insecure) girls who use this as a front and excuse (to themselves and others) for getting attention, power, being manipulative, etc...
I'm not the most mentally healthy person in the world and in the one time this happened to me I responded with a bunch of crazy messages on the girl's phone, and freaked the shit out of her...I'm not a dangerous person (I was misinterpreted), but I could definitely see how this kind of behavior could be dangerous if the girl isn't careful about who she is sending these signals to.
Look man flirty girls love to be kept on there toes so once it gets boring they are out the door just like charming guys,But what i notice is usually they like the bad boy the dude who doesnt really pay much mind to her.You also have to be very carefull with them because what you might think is her tryna get with you might just be her way of being freindly. I personaly like them because there challenging to tame and and am always up for a challenge.All you have to do is be very patient and smooth after a while if you play your cards right youll beat her at her own game.
I fell for a girl last year who I met at work. She really turned up the flirt volume with me, and we were spending a lot of time together going to lunch, and taking walks, and texting each other, and the sexual inuendos abound! She loved telling me about dreams she was having where I was kissing her, and she enjoyed teasing me with sexual references, etc., etc... I was (and still am) intensely attracted to her, so I fell hook, line and sinker for her. Oh, and btw, she was (is still) married. But, in the end, she had no intentions of leaving her husband for me. I can tell from what she had told me at certain times that he is not the attentive, sensitive, romantic guy that I am - the kind of guy who worships the women he loves. So, that answers the question about exactly "WHO" these flirty types end up with: The guys who don't care! But that's not me. So I was forced to swallow my pride and accept that she never really liked me in particular, and that I was just a distraction for her while she figured out her own issues. I have never been played like that before by any girl. The whole thing made no sense to me... how I was so wrong.
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