Lynn: Sorry I had to get off the phone so abruptly the other night.
So@24: -taking a giant swig of Vitamin Water- No, no, I knew you had company... you were just listening to me ramble on anyway.
Lynn: Rough night last night? You sound terrible.
So@24: Hoo doggy...
And so I told my ex-girlfriend (in great, morbid detail) of what I did on the afternoon of July 4th.
* * *
It had been a particularly low week for me. Minor, opposite-sex issues had caused a contemplative storm cloud to hover over my head the last few days. Jenny suggested Leo and I spend the weekend with her for the 4th of July.
Bless her heart.
Jenny's promise of broads, boobs, and booze was not an exaggeration. I had no idea the beach towns of Manhattan & Hermosa Beach took the day of America's independence so seriously. Leo and I both pinched each other as we stepped out into what had to have been the scene of a cliche'd college, sex, beach comedy.
Jenny, Leo and I joined Jenny's friends at the first beach-side bar for the first stop of the pub crawl. I had made a commitment to myself I was going to have a great time. I was not going to go into over-analytical mode in classic So@24 fashion. I was not going to spend my 4th, sipping a pint, sitting in the corner with a furrowed, confused, sharpee-esque countenance as I pondered over the mysteries of women.
I was going to get drunk. Flirt with some cute girls. And drink some more.
Unfortunately, you can't always tell that thought-provoking storm cloud to "back the fuck up" by drinking. More often than not, you think you can drown it and unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Ever. I don't know why I always think it will work.
Things start to get fuzzy around bar 3 in the pub crawl.
Flash! I remember buying rounds of Touch Downs (oh God, I just threw up in my mouth typing that...).
Flash! I remember downing a Bloody Mary.
Flash! I remember filling Leo's cup full of beer after an intense game of Flip Cup at bar 2.
Flash! I remember flipping the winning cup for the round and giving this cute girl, Leo and I had eyed ealier, a double high five. This was just the remedy I was looking for!
Flash! I can't open my eyes, because they are encrusted with sand. My mouth is full of sand. Leo is cradling my head in his lap. Am I on the fucking beach? I am on the fucking beach. The afternoon sun is blinding even through the cracks in the wooden pier. Jenny is standing a few feet away with Rye crackers and a bottle of water.
Leo: Jesus Christ, So. What the fuck happened?
So@24: garble, garble, garble.
Leo: We've been looking for you for hours! Can you get up?
So@24: Just... leave me.
Leo: Leave no man behind!
Jenny: Drink this.
When the water hit my throat, I wretched. I suddenly realized the dark, moist sand I was laying in was not due to the ocean... but the entire contents of my stomach. A mixture of bile and alcohol.
Jenny: Look at your poor face, So. Your capillaries around your eyes burst. You look like a raccoon.
As Leo took his bare hand and wiped the drool and bile from my mouth, clearing away the caked sand from my face... I looked into the concerned face of Jenny and thought:
"No girl-issue is worth this shit."
Leo and Jenny, knowing that there is no way any cabbie would have me as their passenger, hailed a rickshaw to take us back to Jenny's apartment. I slumped over the side, puking into Jenny's newly, purchased tank top as the rickshaw bounced up and down the Manhattan Beach streets.
Leo: Oh, hey. Remember that cute girl we were talking to? Turns out she has a boyfriend.
So@24: Figures. ... ... -pukes-
* * *
Lynn: I can't remember the last time you drank like that. I knew it had to be girl-stuff.
Lynn: You know if we were still dating, I would have to killed you if you came to me with a story like this.
So@24: Hahaha! If we were still dating, I probably wouldn't been in a place where I'd blackout. Or at least you would have been holding my hair back?
Lynn: Hahaha, you know I would.
50 comments:
Leo seriously wiped the vomit and bile from your mouth? WOW. You forgot to mention the part where you proclaimed your love for that one awesome girl w/ the alliterative name and tried to convince her to come to LA.
As Leo took his bare hand and wiped the drool and bile from my mouth
Ah, dear Leo, you are a true friend.
As for you my dear 24.... I don't even know what to say to that.
Wait, yes I do. Eventually the sand will work its way through your system. And it'll suck.
Oh wow. You downed a bloody mary? That should explain everything. Nasty (unless it's in the AM).
I'm glad they found you. And that you didn't wake up in the middle of the day alone and get all freaked out. geesh.
Drinking away women or in my case men, never works! That Leo is a good guy.
I drank away my feelings during a weekend a couple of wknds, but I stopped after one bottle of wine...thankfully!
Wow what a day/night. Good thing we don't celebrate 4th of July over here (what with it being your independence from US n all!) Hope you're feeling better now!
Leo: Jesus Christ, So. What the fuck happened?
So@24: garble, garble, garble.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Easy Cheese and Spam would have prevented that!
Easy Cheese and Spam is the preventative cure for everything!!
Damn I should be on their Promotional team....
See that's the beauty of fab friends...my singledom has really made me realise that! Vomit assistance, big nights out....they're the best!
Boys will drive you to drink, too, I hate to tell ya. I always start out the night thinking "Wow! Alcohol is awesome! My troubles seem so farrrrrrr awayyyyyy!"
And then I'm curled up in a corner of the room sobbing. So... Drinking: Not That Great When You're Down.
p.s. Your friends are awesome. But I'm guessing you already knew that.
That sand can't be good for your intestines at all!
This is a hilarious story!!! lol
Leo is such a good friend. I don't care how close we are, I'll be damned if I wipe vomit and bile with my bare hands. Hell, you're lucky if I clean that crap up at all. lol
just the thought of passing out in sand is gross-tacular! AAHH! I'm glad you've got friends who are good enough to you that they didn't leave you behind.
seriously.
Oh good God. That sounds like we're all missing some dramatic action (or at least amusing passing-out-and-puking-on-the-beach craziness) that happened between those flashes.
But hey, happy birthday, America!
Aw, there's nothing like adding the physical pain of a hangover to the emotional drain of girl/boy troubles. Hope you're feeling better.
nice job, lush. thank god for leo...
still funny as hell though - I'm linking to it today.
Wow, that is a rough day. I hope you're feeling better today-- 2-day hangovers can be rough!
Well...at least you know you have good friends!
omg SCARY! what if they didn't find you!?!
i think we need to work on increasing your tolerance.
ohhhh punkin. for the record, i'd totally hold your hair back. hang in there buddy.
and leo's "leave no man behind" quote? priceless.
xo, babs
Oh buddy. Bile. That hurts me. That hurts me physically FOR you. The good news is that your friends are fucking rockstars. Though I don’t know as that qualifies as news.
Ok so you drink away your problems, the first step is admitting you have a problem. If there's one thing I've learned is to not drink when upset. Since you already figured that out, time to find a hobbie or something!
ah yes, well you were in good company in hermosa/manhattan. i was down there too for all day festivities and there was much to see...some of it not always pleasant. i'm sure one day i'll cross paths with you and rs. no one has suggested a bloggy meetup? anyway, hope you're recovered. no girl is worth that much puke. :)
That sounds awful, my entire body hurts just reading that.
Daaamn. At least you have basically the Best friends Ever.
Whoa whoa. Jenny was eating RYE CRACKERS?!?!
I don't know many people that like rye bread, let alone in cracker form. That's dedication.
Touchdowns? Ugh. When will people tire of doing speedball light?
However, waking up in a pile of your own bile and immediately assuming it was beach sand... I approve. A true hero of alcoholism.
It's good to have such solid pals! Count yourself fortunate there.
BTW, seriously what is it about the south bay and flip cup? i just heard of this game but now i see everyone doing it everywhere. maybe i just didn't get out much before.
Hoo-rah.
http://xrl.us/kj92a
only you would have a story that ridiculous. that's so crazy. good thing you have friends like leo and jenny to hold your hair back and find you when you're lost :)
Only true, real friends will hold your hair back for you.
I can't believe Leo wiped your mouth. I once had to "pull the trigger" for my friend- she was too drunk to vomit.
oh my God...that is some intense drinking. And damn, Leo is an amazingly good friend, there are few people I would do that for. I hope you're feeling better :)
Great friends?
Yeah, I guess finding you, getting you a bit cleaned up and getting your drunk ass back home was pretty cool, but I'm wondering where they were when you were getting that drunk, and why they'd let you wander off in that state (to say nothing of not trying to slow you down before you got to that state).
I'm taking bets on how long this comment lasts before it gets deleted. Anyone?
dork.
obviously, i deleted my blog. but, if you ever wanna chat, my sn is bloggingkolibri!
Great friends are hard to find....but it seems like you have them. Women in the past find a way to hanging on...why is that?
I puked this weekend too, but not like you. Things get more mild when you're 30....haha.
Way to put on a show!
Someone recently said, "If it hurts, don't do it." I feel your pain reading that post! I'm nearly puking for you.
Leo gets major points in this story. I don't know if I could have done the same if the situation involved me.
wow that is a true friend...and no woman is worth any of that...although maybe sand and salt water are somehow good for your system?
Ohhh whoa! I know all about Hermosa and Manhattan beach! The Mean Girls' were out there partying on Thursday night, it was ROUGH!
Oh.
My.
God.
Leo, you are a friend one could only wish for.
Wow, I think I'm in love with Leo.
I've had way too many nights like that lately. And it's not due to guy issues. It's due to me just getting out of control and drinking until I forget half the night. And friend buying me way too many shots. Luckily, said friend also holds my hair back (so to speak; I'm not really a puker). It's never worth it though. It's just not.
Damn! Hope you're feeling better. And as for Leo? All I can say is that he is one awesome friend.
In all kindness...
How do you still talk to your ex like that? All questioning for sake of- omg- I never talk to exes- and the thought of my b/fs talking to exes gives my anxiety...
Please, So, explain!
damn.
oh wow. when you go hard, you go hard!
i don't envy the hangover headache you must have had the next day.
Wow...I love it
I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. You are quite classy and may even be my hero
Hey,you're the winner of an award! Come over an pick it up!
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