As I was about to step out for my lunch break, my phone started to vibrate on my desk. A call from Lynn.
So@24: Hey, what's going on?
Lynn: Are you on lunch?
So@24: Yep. Is everything alright?
Lynn: Can you talk?
I power walk out of the studio and onto the veranda. My fellow peers are munching away at their sandwiches and enjoying being outside in the LA sun. I am on the phone talking to my ex-girlfriend.
It wasn't a huge problem that she wanted to discuss. She wanted to confide in me on some issues she has been having with her mom. She knows that I am still very close with her mother and wanted to get my opinion on some subjects. This lead to also discussing one of the issues that Lynn has always been extremely insecure about: people thinking that she is cold, non-feeling, and intimidating. A particularly sensitive subject that has haunted her ever since I've known her.
I never once viewed her in that lens, but she has always gotten that reputation and it has always bothered her. I guess I just saw another side and that it wasn't some kind of front she was putting up to be cool or that she was a bitch. It just took a matter of seeing another side.
I digress. When we started to discuss this subject, I started to hear something I haven't heard in quite sometime: a quiver in her voice. She was getting, what I always called, "blubbery".
Before I continue with my story, I should explain that one of Lynn's biggest critiques of me is that I wasn't sensitive enough.
-hold for gasps-
But it's true. I do have a history getting weirded out when the water works start to flow and not being very supportive (I always figured she wanted to be left alone... whoops!). And I was never good at expressing vocally how I felt about well... anything.
Hearing her starting to get blubbery through her words, I visualized her on the other end of the call with her cheeks flushed and those big tears start to roll. A vision I used to know all too well. I felt my heart start to race and started to get a little panicky, much like I used to when we were dating.
I took a breath and thought to myself, "Stop being such a fucko, So@24. You're just talking to someone when they've come to you for advice. Nut up."
So, I just talked to her about it. I'm a different person now and I should be able to at least be there and have an adult conversation for someone who used to do the same for me. The breakup changed me in ways that made me grow for the better.
Forty five minutes later, I got her to laugh a few times through her tears. And told her that she should feel free to call me anytime if something important like this came up again.
Lynn: (voice still shaky from crying) I haven't cried in forever. I forgot what it's like to. I was doing crying almost daily when I was with [her most recent ex].
So@24: Crying every day huh? That's awesome.
Lynn: (starting to laugh, sniffs up tears) Are you being sarcastic??
So@24: Hahaha, nope!