I took part in my first wedding a year ago, as a groomsmen, when my two very close high school friends got married to each other. It wasn't surprising, everyone knew they'd get together. For the record, I gave an amazing drunken speech (the wedding was in the midst of the breakup, what can I say? I was smashed.)
Last week I got an invite in the mail for another wedding of a friend of mine from high school.
Fuck.
Another one? Why is everyone getting hitched? I'm sweating just thinking about it.
However, what I'm dreading the most is that my friend who is getting married is one of those kids who stayed close with all of her teachers even after high school. Also, there will be a lot of my old peers I haven't seen since my Jansport wearin', Sugar Ray rockin', Mt. Dew: Code Red guzzlin' days.
So, you may be wondering, why would I give two shits about seeing these blasts from the past?
Well, the fact is, is that I haven't had contact with these people since then. Lynn and I were a well established couple in high school and most of these people (yep, including teachers/my wrestling and soccer coaches) will assume that we're still together. I'm cringing just thinking about the onslaught of comments:
"Hey! Where's Lynn?"How does one avoid this? Well, the way I figure is, you gotta treat it like a high school reunion (I haven't had one of those yet). I gotta look crisp, put together, like an adult! That's going to cost me some serious cheddy...
"Are you two married yet?"
"You guys were such a cute couple."
"What happened with you two?"
And most importantly, I have to have a smokin' date. It'll give off the impression that I'm slick, smooth, and have the ability to charm the pants of the opposite sex a la' 007 in Casino Royale. Hot date = no questions about where the ex is.
Now, who lives in Portland? Would escort me to a wedding at the last minute? Is hot? Can (and has) put up with my inebriated tomfoolery when I've visited the open bar one too many times...
Ahhh...
I know.
61 comments:
Oh no. Do you like feeling pain? This is ridiculous. Do NOT go with her. My oldest sister lives up there, you should take her.
Sweet Jesus.
Oh man I know what you mean, so many people are getting married. I'm in my first wedding this summer and it should be crazy and fun, but still freaks me out that people my age are married.
I was totally going to say you need to bring a hot date. And then you went ahead and did. And... you know... just in case Beth like... can't do it, or is busy... or something... I know someone who can. Just sayin'. :P
I'll go with you, 24! (wait, does that mean I just called myself hot? Because I didn't mean to...)
PLEASE DO NOT GO WITH HER! ARE YOU CRAZY?!!!! HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON. SHEESH.
My friends are like, tripping over each other in their desperate haste to walk down the aisle. Ugh. And the one wedding I'm actually excited about (the couple I like without reservations) is happening while I can't afford to come back from Germany. Jerks.
And btw, there are like a million girls in the Portland/Vancouver area who would be less of a mind fuck than Beth.
Problem is if you take Beth then you can't hit on any of the bridesmaids. Though I suppose the teachers watching might kill any hope of that anyway.
All your friends are getting married at 25? That seems a little early...
I say go with Beth because all the girls that read this blog say not to.
Dude. Don't go with her. Just take Leo as your date. He'll be more fun.
or if you insist your date be a girl, take B2G. I heard she totally puts out.
(I'm totally kidding...I'm not sure whether she puts out, and I have to put this disclaiming on it b/c she's soooo going to kill me. LOL)
Take Charming Hedonist up on that offer! If she offers anything "else," take her up on that too. Sorry, that was crude, but would you expect anything less?
Have a good time at this thing, and don't let it get you down. Dance like a fool. Song requests:
BBD, "Poison"
Erasure, "Little Respect"
Vanilla Ice, "Ice Ice Baby"
Honey, you don't need a hot date. All you need is to make sure that there's a hot bridesmaid or friend of the bride in tow. She will be putty in your hands.
Plus if anyone asks about your ex, just repeat her name and pretend like you have no idea who they are talking about.
I am cringing in pain just thinking about how awkward that wedding could be... but I like your plan. Good luck, post about it!!
Ugh, my friends are starting to get married, too. I'm not looking forward to this.
I can see upsides and downsides to taking Beth. Do what's in your own best interest.
You are a glutton for punishment. Don't do it!
ok. this scares me. are you seriously going to bring her? maybe someone less feelings associated?
obviously completely your own decision. you have the whole blogging community behind you. and willing to step in as a date if you change your mind. haha.
isn't it nice to have options?
Them: Where's Lynn?
You: Oh, she ran off with the circus. Deep down, I always knew she was a carny. She could pick things up with her toes. *shudder*
And then walk away.
Seriously, don't take Leo. There's nothing gayer than two guys in tuxes at a wedding as each other's date.
Oh, unless you swing that way. There's nothing wrong with being gay- if you're gay.
Wait. Didn't we just read an angst-ridden entry about Beth and her inability to commit? Come on SO@24! If she can be indecisivce, then you have to be strong.
And....uh...high school? No one is going to assume you two are still together. No matter how established you were then, we live in a country now where 1 in 3 marriages ends in divorce; I don't want to THINK about how many high school relationships end...
Chin up, bud. It'll be okay. Besides, why would you want to take a date when there will be so many vulnerable, single girls at their friends wedding just DYING to find "the one" (for now) to sleep with in their drunken state of emotion?
Think about it.
No, no, no, no, no!
*slaps your wrist*
Find someone else. You're interested in her and it's not working out. You'll be vunerable at the wedding and feeling a bit down, the last thing you need to do is be there with someone you want but can't have. How do I know? Been there, done that - it suck arse.
Don't invite her.
I like C's advice. If anyone asks, pull up some embarrassing incident from their past and question them about it.
oh, dont go with her... that would just be asking for trouble! Im sure you can find someone else!
psh. Everyone says dont bring Beth. If you both can be cool and non-awkward about it, go for it. Avoiding teachers will be so much easier if you can walk around all night with your arm around someone else. Just let Beth know upfront. She sounds like the type to be cool with that.
If you're looking for a girlfriend a wedding is the best place to find one!
Worse case scenario: hire an escort. This is exactly the situation their profession exists to provide a service in.
Or show up already drunk off your ass. At that point, you won't care what people say to you because you won't remember any of it.
My friend, who is the tender age of 22, started freaking out that he wouldn't find someone to get married to before graduation. Fly me up to Portland!
My friend, who is the tender age of 22, started freaking out that he wouldn't find someone to get married to before graduation. Fly me up to Portland!
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING????
Beth is over. Leave it over.
Men...
In another 15 years you'll be going to the 2nd wedding of all your friends that have divorced. I'd be happy to fly out and go with you. I love me some free food and booze, but I'm a tad too old for you.
Ugh- I SOOO know how that feels. Everybody gets married- but when you do it right, everybody will be on their divorce. 25 is WAYYY too young!
Sorry, stud. I live in LA otherwise I would go with you!
take leo. then when people ask 'where's lynn!?' gently put your arm around leo's waist.
they'll assume you're gay, and whp doesn't love 2 gay guys getting trashed and dancing like maniacs at a wedding?
Too soon! Too soon!
Seriously, you guys JUST had the Big Relationship Talk, and while I know you still want to be friends with her, I think you need to hang out with her in a non-date capacity before you move up to the whole "bringing her to a wedding" thing. Especially a wedding here, with all of the high school people. I don't know, dude. It just has "awkward" and "potential disaster" written all over it.
25 seems soooooo young to be getting married!!! but i have a cousin up that way if you're interested....
Dude! I don't get why everyone's getting married either!
I know the feeling, I have had my share of wedding invites already too.
I bailed on both of them, I wasn't really close with the people that got married so I thought it would just be awkward.
Who gets married this young, it is about living life, right?
Seriously what the fuck is this marriage thing people keep talking about?!
Will someone please fill me in here?!
last year I went to FIVE weddings of people I went to high school/grew up with. Not fun. Words of advice: if they don't have open bar? DONT GO. Or bring sufficient flasks.
leo, marriage is something that two people do when they are bored sleeping with everyone else, and are looking for a tax break. Or if they are pregnant and not trying to raise a bastard child.
...people get bored of sleeping with others?
Damn. Seriously?
God I hate those questions. Even though I was engaged for over a year (and am now married) people still ask about the ex I lived with for three years. My commn response has become, 'Hopefully he's rotting in hell.' Nice? No. To the point? Yes.
:)
Tell me about it. At the tender young age of 26, I cannot possibly begin to imagine getting married. I was the best man in a wedding last summer and it scared the crap out of me. But then again, I have three friends that are married and two of them are even happy about it. I wish your friends well. Have fun. Don't take Beth, it'll just lead to weird feelings.
leo, love - marriage is an economical arrangement made by two people who are mildly tolerant of each other with the intention of one day procreating by means of sexual intercourse.
so basically, its a business contract. i think somewhere in the fine print it says something about not sleeping with other people but i'm not sure.
Leo, marriage is when two people wake up in Las Vegas, look down at their left hand, and simply wonder what the fuck. Then head off for a little "hair of the dog." Not that I would know.
C is right...there's no WAY your teachers and people from high school will assume you're still with your girlfriend from six years ago; no matter how perfect a couple you seemed then, they'd probably be surprised if you WERE still together.
Only two of my close friends are married, but both, crazily, called me after the fact from random parts of the world to say, "guess what? I just got married!" To people I'd never heard of before. I don't know what that says about me.
to the people who are saying that the teachers won't assume that they're still together... you may be surprised.
I went to a homecoming game this year with a few of my friends who happened to be back for the weekend and you wouldn't believe how many teachers and parents brought up my ex when they came over to say hi. And even when you say you're not with the person anymore, they still ask question about them. Like how they're doing, where they're living.. etc. It's sucky and annoying.
Just get really drunk. That's my motto.
I really fucking hate Sugar Ray (yes, that's what I took out of that entire post).
They did a concert at my university when I was a freshman and Mark McGrath was so drunk (or high) out of his mind he just spent the entire night insulting everyone in the crowd.
I just went to a college alumni's wedding, I was just happy to not be going to another baby shower, but i guess guys dont have to go through those...
Im sure you ll be fine. If all else fails include your break up to Lynn in your drunk speech...that way everyone will hear the news...
um, hello. have you ever seen Wedding Crashers? weddings are THE place to hook up with hot girls.
don't go with beth, she'd just be a major cockblock
nice new banner!
I hate to break it to you, but it only continues for the next five years. I was invited to seven last year. Especially if you're surrounded by old friends and people you'll want to catch up with, don't bring a date who will need all of your attention and be bored.
Just suck it up and answer the questions! We all know you can have a creative one liner to sling all night long. Don't let anticipated reactions of people YOU haven't seen in six years dictate your actions. Or, in that respect, readers of your blog tell you what to do....
So, in conclusion, bring whoever you want as long as you tell us all about it later!
Hey SO@24.
Like the new banner but was wondering...
Now that you're 25 maybe you should change the blog name to STARTED over at 24. Right now it sounds like you've just started over and are still 24. Plus if you did change it, it'd still spell out SO@24. everyone wins!
Just a thought, since I love your blog so much (I check it almost daily).
Keep up the good work!
I am DREADING my high school reunion and I have only two years of stress-free time left. I am not one of those people who is always looking for their high school friends when they go back home. I hide. Good luck!
I say you take Leo. He can even practice his wingman skills. And all of your commenters should be thankful they haven't been invited to 3 BABY SHOWERS of people they went to high school with before they turned 20.
I feel your pain. Most of my close friends from high school are already married, and some even with kids. And in recent months, most of my college friends have begun to get hitched as well. I'm really starting to feel left behind... and thankful that I haven't fallen into that horrible trap yet! ;-)
You should definitely bring a hot date though... I was once asked by a male friend to accompany him to his high school reunion as his faux wife. Maybe you could take that approach? ;-) Considering taking cues from Debra Messing in "The Wedding Date." Good luck!
Can't you excel the speed at which you meet your next catch, and bring her?
If I were dating you, and you offered to take me to a wedding, with an open bar, and I don't have to shell out $200 bucks as a wedding gift, AND I get to dress up. And altho it might APPEAR weird. Explain the situation. "I'm just using your hotness to up-stage my ex." ANY GIRL WOULD BE ALL FOR IT.
That's brutal... being asked those questions at a wedding.
I'm at that age too. Everyone's getting married this year or next... *sigh*
That is totally why you need a hot date. Tell her to wear fake boobs to push up her chest.. whatever :)
But "her" I don't know who "her" is that everyone is referring to, but apparently evreyone is telling you not to take "her"... so don't. Bring someone new :P
P.S. I love the new banner! Fingerguns = WIN.
I'm loving the new banner!
I have 4 save the dates on my fridge and its only march! check out the subject tag "wild wedding weekend" on my blog and you will find yourself a resourceful guide on how to make the most of any wedding!! Cheers
~irish
So, I've been laying low, thinking way too much ... you know how heartbreak goes. Sucks.
Anyway, just catching up on you ... I understand the wedding thing. I've been in 7 and sang in 4. Gone solo to each except one, regardless of who was in my life.
FYI It'll seem like everyone's getting married for the next several years. Then babies, then divorce and then round two. :)
Just go and have fun. Hell, you could go alone - never know who you'll meet and what you'll be able to prove to yourself in the process.
Get your game on, boy!
I usually go to weddings to get laid (seriously, it's almost too easy), but if you feel like you need to bring a date, bring Beth.
Then hook up with someone else.
(This has nothing to do with your post; more to do with your fan base. Being a guy who obviously has no problems attracting women with his wit and insight, why don't you ask one of your bloggy fans out? These girls are practically falling over themselves. I'm sure there is atleast one in portland... Just a thought.)
I need to scrounge up a date for a wedding 3000 mi away, where I'm the best man. One of the downsides to being at this age are all of the weddings.
OH, I totally get the whole wedding thing. I'm at that age too, and if they're not getting married they're havign kids. Or some are even getting divorced and married again! I know why people are so poor when they're right out of high school or college. you're spending all your money on wedding gifts and baby gifts and such!
I was to be one these brides at one point as well, but like yourself, my relationship ended before the wedding bells rang! Anyway I completely get where you're coming from!
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