Leo, Jack, Leroy and I head to a friend's birthday party on Friday after work. Your standard house party and since we arrived late, we have to play catch up. Yep. We were the guys who gathered in a circle and took shots in the kitchen while surveying the eye candy.
As the sauce is hitting my new roommate, he throws an arm around my shoulder and says, "I'm gonna get you laid tonight. A little known fact about me, I'm the best wing man ever!"
I raise my eyebrow and reply, "Thanks, big guy. But I'm cool."
"No, no, no. I won't hear another word of protest. We need to get you some tail. I got this, I got this. Don't worry!"
Sigh.
Whatever.
Leroy eagerly scampers off and I turn back to the group and continue my discussion with Leo and Jack analyzing Robert DiNiro's baseball bat monologue in The Untouchables.
At some point during the intense convo., I follow Leo's eyes scanning and locking onto a girl wandering the party. "Ooooh she's a cutie." Leo breaks away from the group and starts chatting up the waif. Meanwhile, Leroy tugs on my shirt.
So@24: Oh, what's going on?
Leroy: I found your target.
So@24: Target? What the hell are you talking about?
Leroy: Your target! The girl you're going to have sex with tonight! I'm your wingman! This is gonna be awesome!
So@24: Is this where you've been this entire time??
Leroy exits. I rub my eyes, doing my best to ignore the interaction that just transpired. Maybe if I forget it happened, it never existed. Like a tree falling in the woods or some shit.
As I'm pouring myself another shot of whiskey, I see Leroy (blatantly) winking and pointing to some girl talking to a guy. I try my best to give him the subtle headshake; indicating the universal "don't do this!" signal. He must have to been too drunk to notice. Because he threw an arm around the guy (whom he's never met) and tried to persuade him to have a drink with him; thus pulling him away from said girl. It was so transparent what he was trying to accomplish, Stevie Wonder could have seen right through it.
I'm mortified.
Again, I just turn around and leave the room to rejoin the guys. Leroy taps me on the shoulder again.
Leroy: Oh man! You lost your target! I had her, I had her!
So@24: Dude, she wasn't even attractive! I appreciate the gesture, buddy, but I really don't need a wingman. I'm cool with just hanging out tonight.
Leroy: You're too picky. You totally could have had sex tonight. You blew it!
Oy vey.
Meanwhile, the girl Leo was gaming gave him her "card". He shrugged it off because "she wasn't that interesting". I guess that's that. Or is it...
Sunday, Leo gets a text:
It was really nice meeting you. I'd love to grab a drink with you sometime if you're interested.
A girl actually took the initiative. She gave him her card AND texted him asking HIM out. I'm floored and very impressed.
Damn he's good.
* totally taken from Dave Attell. I love you Dave.
55 comments:
crackin' up @ the first to go. Is he black too?
MsP - How'd you know? ;)
Wow. Fun fact about Ms. Puddin... she's clairvoyant.
Oh my lord. Leroy needs to scale it back a notch.
Hell, make that several notches. Where did you ever find this gem?
Sooo... none of you scored?
You need to keep that kid in check, or you're never going to get any. Although, I think the harder your friends try to get you laid... the less chance you have. Leo, that was NOT a challenge.
was this dude a craigslist find?
you seriously have the best story moments ever. leroy needs to make more appearances on your blog.
i love the party from the dudes' point of view. way more interesting than the usual chick insecurities.
Wait, are you impressed that the girl had enough self-confidence to take the initiative? Or are you impressed that Leo made such an impression on her?
Do guys actually like that kind of thing? Or do they then think you're desperate and clingy?
I do not have a good feeling about this. He's a Tigger. Seems like a good idea with all that energy but generally starts to fuck with the chi.
On the other hand...Leo's girl is smooth.
WHAT?! You're surprised a girl made the first move? Boy, would you be impressed with ME!
I'm all for the first move - all moves after that are the boys - but if I like someone, I let em know straight up.
And see how much you liked her making the first move? How much would a girl like it if you did... Just saying...
That's pretty sexy of the girl to be forward like that, too bad he didn't like her. :/
And sorry but Leroy sounds like a douche. I realize I've gleaned this from only one incident, so hopefully there's some more redeeming stuff in the future.
ha, that ridiculous! Sounds like your going to have you hands full with that one...
That girl is a whore. That is all.
Did you make up the name for the overzealous Black roomie? Leroy? Jeez! You might as well just call him Tyrone.
Anyway, Tyrone, Leroy, or whatever his name is, needs to go easy. I'd go with a more subtle approach. Like say we're out dancing. I'd just shove you into the center of a bunch of girls dancing in a circle. See, subtle.
I've done that . . .
haha wow i can't believe he was so sure he'd get you laid. funny guy.
and props to the girl asking leo out, woo. see girls take initiative sometimes.
I might've been guilty of picking out targets with friends once or twice myself - but clearly I'm not as smooth as Leroy because I never got laid.
I'm slightly in awe of Leo's girl; surely she deserves a chance after that effort. Even if it's just one date so she doesn't get put off asking guys out.
Oh good lord....
What is this 'wingman' crap? I don't think we have those in Ireland. Or at least, I've never heard of a winggirl. Are girls just too competitive or something?
Leroy sounds like a hamster. Buy him a big plastic ball to run around in before he puts his boundless energy into more matchmaking.
I think I'm going to enjoy Leroy. Has he ever actually got laid himself, do you know?
Props to the girl being so forward!!
I'm a horrible match maker when I'm drunk... but of course I think I'm the best in the world at the time.
so@24...
Why is there always one of these guys in a crowd, but you never talk to the guy (unless he's your buddy) who really IS this guy?
I think that sometimes our buddies get so pumped up about being the wingman that they are out there going to quantity, when maybe we're looking for a little bit more quality.
Anyway, I really enjoyed your posts (first time to the blog).
Keep it up.
Sounds like Leroy needs to worry about Leroy.
Or at least get his own wingman.
=) Bella
Wait, I thought guys felt emasculated when girls did the asking out! Argh! *throws rule book against the wall*
i'm with martini...i never know the rules! it's hot when a girl asks you out! it's freaky and creepy when a girl makes the first move! gah, whatever.
and tell leroy he makes me cringe on behalf of all girls (black and otherwise).
what's wrong with leroy, doesn't he know black men don't make good wingmen?
and why does his name have to be Leroy? I like Jerome better, Tyrone even more.
lol
At least you didn't hear your brand new roommate boning a chick in the next room the first night he moved into the place...
I had a bad experience with that.
And it would have been frosting on the already all-frosting cake of abstinence. :)
But Leroy sounds like he will be making quite a few cameos on So@24's blog....
woohoo! I finally made it through reading the archives and am up to date with your current postings. Yes, I am a dork.
Joy - He's one of Leo's friends from college. We've known him for quite sometime.
Prin - Hahah, 'fraid not. Sorry to let you down. Again.
B2G - Hahaahah! You know my roommate all too well.
Logg - No, he's one of our friends. He's a good guy, just... a little eager.
Miriam - Oh he will, trust me.
Tia - Funny how it works out that way.
Phoenix - I was actually impressed that SHE took the initiative. Leo and I both agree that when a girl does so, it's hot.
BB - Oh Bondi... why must you be on the other side of the world?
Beth W. - I ask you not to judge so quickly. I come off as rather harsh on him, but he really does mean well.
Sequined - HAHAHAHAAHAH!
Dr. Kenn - He IS black, but the reason I actually gave him that name is because he's a huge "gamer". Leroy Jenkins is a name that's huge in the gaming community; so I went with that.
Katelin - Serious props. Fo reelz.
TheNextFish - Which is why he's actually going out for drinks with her; he was impressed she took the first step. Have to give credit where it's due.
Kali - I thought the idea of a wingman was universal. I need to rethink things now; you've turned my view of the world upside down with this one.
Norelle - He's a gem, seriously. And he actually has a girlfriend. I got the pleasure of having to listen to it for the first time the other night.
-shudder-
Ron - Thanks Ron. I'll be checking out your blog shortly. woo woo!
Martini & Tiff - I think it completely depends on the guy. Leo and I both happen to think it's cool when a girl wants something and goes after it. Instead of complaining that no guys are talking to her and pouting about it later.
But I'm sure there are some guys who get intimidated by that kind of thing. They fuck it up for the rest of us.
SGC - Who would have thought the name Leroy would start up so much controversy? Maybe I should give it the ol' switcheroo.
Clumsy - You can bet your bottom dollar you'll be seeing more of him now.
Ally - THAT is dedication. I don't know how you did it. I can't even go through this entire thing. But I've kind of fallen in love with you for it.
I miss house parties! Damn I am getting old. Plus, shots at a house party are way cheaper than shots at bars in NYC!
Good job for Leo, and finding a girl to make the move. I think it is happening more these days.
Tell Leroy to lay off of you're never going to see any action. Poor guy, seems like the class clown that was always trying but never got anywhere.
Is he going out with her sometime? Did he go from not interested to interested just b/c she made the first move? Does that work?
I love hearing the boys perspective on all of this. It seems so foreign! haha
I love how you try to be all PC with "the first to go" and the name Leroy. For some reason, that name makes me think of The Cook from South Park. Maybe if you name him Tyronne I will get the right image in my head.
Kudos to the girl for asking Leo out. I wouldn't have the guts.
Oh! and I read through your archives a while ago. Are you falling for me too? =)
Ha! I'm glad I'm not the only archive reader. I always feel like a stalker when I do that. The "first to go" bit was classic!
Wow, I found myself laughing out loud at work while reading this...
I'm not a big drinker but I love to go out just to find guys like Leroy, not to talk to but to sit back and watch! Makes for great entertainment as did this post! HAHA!
I'm glad one guys thinks its cool when a girl ask a guy out b/c that's the only way I get dates! I know...poor me. jk!
I'm intrigued, might have to go back and read some more...
Your friends sure do have an obsession with getting you laid huh?
I knew it! Guys like girls who aren't afraid to ask for what they want!!!
I asked my husband out on our first day...well, more like I invited myself to his own date party.
Yeah thats why I read blogs like yours! Takes my mind off things...
Thanks for the comment!
Stop by anytime...I promise all my posts won't be depressing! haha!
Starting with todays..kind of goes alone with this post actually!!
Wow Leroy. He is going to make for some good blogging.
Cheers!
Irish
Yes, your blog is great for your Leo and Leroy stories...
He's like a little puppy running around peeing on every rug in the house!
Awwww!
Wow. Yep, that's all I got.
ha ha ha. "She wasn't even that attractive". I guess Leo is a believer in the whole didn't matter what she looks like as long as you get some, ideology.
Man Leo is good!
Whoah this is a popular blog - way to go! And great story.
Totally off the topic of your blog but in response to mine - I'm not an accountant ;)
I'm an IT professional consultant... LOL :)
Leroy, huh? Ever heard of Leroy Jenkins? I do believe that's an apt namesake.
Can I please move in with you guys -- you crack my shit up!
Leroy Jenkins is my battle cry! Also the name of my future motorcycle.
who carries a card to a party??
actually, now that i think of it, i just might have to start doing that..... :)
Sound. like it was a cool evening....even with your roomate's overzealous attempts to get you laid. lol
He tugged on your shirt? What is he a first grader?
You need to hook the girl enough she takes that step. Leo's got it right, once you get them to buy in, it is so much easier being able to dictate....yes, no, where, when, etc.
Allegedly.
OK, this is in ALL seriousness: Are Leo and Leroy aiming to join the Tucker Max Men's Club? Lol, I'm cracking up. Being old and married I sometimes forget that it's all about scoring some tail. OK, so maybe I have only been married for two weeks but reading your stories def makes me feel old at 26. ;)
"Like a tree falling in the woods or some shit."
lol
.oy vey.
shoutout!
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