However, the after party wasn't as elbow rubbing-y as I was expecting. They really do make the KCA's for the kids. Lots of slime, lots of tater tots & chicken nuggets, lots of kids running around with chocolate sundaes smeared on their faces. It was essentially a huge carnival.
They did have free beer though. So I stayed for a little while longer, chatting with my coworkers, munching on bland fish and chips, and sipping Amstel Light.
My pocket kept buzzing the entire time due to texts from an extremely drunk Janice. She was sloshed and it was only 8:00. It was time for me to meet up with destiny.
As I was headed out the door, I felt a tiny finger poke my kidney. "What the--?" I spun around and there was a clan of about six or seven little girls, probably around 8 years old, looking up at me. The bravest one yells out, "OurfriendAshleythinksyou'recute!!" They then shrieked and then scattered, leaving me scratching my head.
I guess you gotta take it where you can get it.
***
Onto my reunion with Janice. Oh Janice. Oh Janice.When I arrived in the bar to meet her, I actually had to brace myself at the nearest barstool to keep from being knocked over. She was already in that sloppy stage where her eyes were half open and she was adding extra "s"es to all her words.
But the key to hanging out with Janice (or any girls with a similar personality) is that you have to be on her level or even beyond. You have to be drunk. Her voice is still the same high pitched, whine that can make your eye twitch involuntarily. To her credit though, she can let loose and that can be fun.
I have to admit that she was actually fun to hang out with. Again, I found myself in a situation where it was just me and 5 other girls at a bar (none of which I was overly impressed with). But the drinks were flowing, the music was good and for the first time in a long, long time... I found myself on the dance floor. How could I deny the sweet, sweet beats of Hi Five's "She's Playing Hard to Get"??
There was a cute, blonde girl I noticed in a booth, being very animated, chugging a Bud Light. She was with 4 other girl friends and was making them crack up, although I couldn't hear what she was saying. But a funny, cute girl, drinking beer... always stands out to me. How refreshing!
I frantically texted Leo and Veronica to come meet me... I needed someone there for moral support! Alas, they were out west and would not join. Even though I was feeling unusually motivated for some reason, I had to let this one slide. What could I do really? It's extremely difficult to try and approach a girl when she's out with just her girlfriends.
No feeling up took place with Janice. At one point in the night, she pulled me (literally) and kissed me. My shirt is now missing the second button from the top. It was an awkward 4 second kiss before I pulled away and made some kind of lame joke. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And besides, I didn't want to make out on a dance floor, I've been there before and it wasn't pretty. She did take my hand and place it on top of her right boob. That's the most action I've gotten since... Lord knows how long. I've missed boobs.
But again, what am I supposed to do? Grope a feel in the middle of the dance club? Come on, I have SOME class.
42 comments:
Oh the dance floor drunken make-out. .. best left to 21 year olds (not that I haven't had the occasional inebriated slip-up).
Is she named Janice for her similarities to the Janice on Friends? Just going off the fact that she has a high-pitched voice.
The blonde, funny, hot chick was ME!!! Why didn't you come talk to me...haha!
no, for real, you should have talk to her!!
Oh and Good Boy!
I'm glad you got to feel some boob. And yes. You should have felt her up right there in the club. Why the hell not.
If usher can write a song about "doin it" in the club then you can sure as hell cop a feel there.
I'm glad Janice is still as crazy as ever. It helps me keep faith in the world.
She probably walked away thinking you were playing hard to get. She'll be back...
Glad to know you're one of the classy ones. Not that most people would remember the next day. You totally should have picked up that girl!
are you sure you're missing the second button from the top and not the second button from the bottom?? her aim was off. =P
Boobs miss you, my friend.
I am guilty of dance floor make-outs. The only thought racing through my head is, "Crap. We are THAT couple that is way too drunk and bumping into everyone."
i'm so glad you got some boob-age.
I have this theory that boobs really always want to be touched by cute boys. Because I know mine get happy and cheerful whenever one is around. Sort of a "Hello cutie!" kinda thing going on.
Clearly, you didn't catch the "Hello cutie!" You should work on this.
dude. janice needs to take a long walk off a short cliff. dude, that girl is batshit insaaaane.
and that blond, funny hot chick drinking a beer totally could have been me. just saying.
but props to you for keeping it classtastic and not making out on the dancefloor. well done.
...aaaand i did not mean to write the word "dude" twice in one paragraph.
i realize that i am not, in fact, a surfer, brah.
janice sounds like a piece of work... lol
maybe you should have stayed and hung out with the 8 year olds.
i kid, i kid.
You obviously have never been to the Jersey shore. Most people consider full on blow jobs appropriate on the dance floor.
Too bad they have that pesky little law about dating minors, you'd have more girls than you could handle. LOL! Okay so that image is kinda nasty, sorry...
PDAs in general aren't bad. But sloppy, drunk PDAs = gag. For all involved and all watching.
You can do better than this girl, I feel.
8 year-olds, dude.
Janice = gross. There will be no more hanging out with Janice.
I think positive feedback from 8 year olds is a good sign that you're a good guy.
(Of course, I loved Joey McIntyre from NKOTB when I was 8.)
you definitely should've gone and talked to the blonde girl...but oh well, at least you got to feel a boob, right?
Hex -
You said it man.
Celeb party, free beer, and a boob feel? Not a bad weekend.
1218: So wrong, so wrong. I feel dirty for laughing.
Yeah, so too bad the thing with Hayden didn't work out. Did you actually get to talk to her?
Oh dear lord... so many things wrong in that post (and not just Janice).
1. When a girl is out with all her girlfriends, it it likely because she doesn't have a boyfriend and would like to hook up. Man up and talk to these women!!! You think one of them is just going to saunter up and say "lets get it on"? Even if they did you'd prob chicken out anywho right? ;o)
2. Making out on the dancefloor is not nearly as tacky as dancing to High 5. It's a party snog, not a marriage proposal. A lovely kiss on the dancefloor is fun, making out for 20 mins is not.
3. You are not allowed to be impressed with a girl drinking light beer. Full strength or nothing. You need to move to Oz, we drink it by the schooner, ice cold and plenty of it.
Man, I wanna see you just throw caution to the wind and jump into the 'women' world. You're clearly cute, smart, fun, driven etc. Take a punt!
The last time I had a makeout session in a club was the good old college days!
sounds like a fabulous evening out, haha. janice sounds like quite the trip.
you totally should have talked to the cute blonde chick.... single women often go out with there other single friends... a group of only girls is usually a good sign.. then you dont have to be worried about the whole is that guy just a friend or are they together thing...
Haha, those 8 year olds remind me of myself years ago. Haha, that's cute.
Janice seems like a crazy fun time. Just a good night out sounds fun!
Drunken dance floor frat party make outs! I went to Hot Lab Guy's frat party last week and we both felt incredibly geriatric dancing with freshmen.
What is with girls putting people's hands on their own boobs?! I had a girl grab my hand and put it on her boob at a concert once...she thought I was the random guy behind her she had been making out with all night. Gross!
You should have definitely talked to the blond girl. ESPECIALLY since you were giving your friend, Chard hell earlier last week.
oh my god subtlety is really her strong suit! how are you supposed to know if she wants you inside of her!!
my girls and i have joked about stealing second from a guy like that, but it seems absurd to actually think of it happening...'this is my boob, im going to put your hand on it'
Well, I'm glad you got to feel a boob but you should have approached that girl. We eat that shit up, whether we're with girlfriends or not.
kudos on being classy. dance floor makeouts and gropes are absolute no gos!
Next time you go out, leave drunk Janice at home and bring your balls with you instead.
Free Beer! and mumia...
Dude, also, I'm super popular with little kids too. My 6th grade students (the boys) can barely talk around me and they get all giggly. And once my friends and I went roller skating at the skating rink (this sounds like a joke but isn't) and a group of middle school boys giggled behind me like half the night.
With our powers combined, we could rule an elementary school!
A guy who can resist a messy drunk girl who places his hands on her tatas and likes awkward make out sesh's...i'm shocked!!!
by the way..girlfriends shouldn't be that intimidating. I mean its pretty much a toss up..we'll either talk shit about you or giggle about how cute and funny you were..but who's to say we weren't doing that already ;)
next time..go for it!
What are you suppose to do....stop thinking, and more drinking! Seriously....if you keep holding out for that special someone, you are going to make yourself miserable in the interim. As long as you and her and cool with the random hook-up, why cockblock yourself?
ps. If you see a group of girls out do a Hand Check (for rings), and then go introduce yourself! If you go about it with zero intentions (they can sniff this out) and confidence, they should be fighting for your attention. Then you can decide if you want anything more.
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