Two different views, one male, one female, on the same topic:
He Said / She Said Vol 1
***
***
Seeking advice from a member of the opposite sex in the Land of Singledom can save you a lot of headache.
But it can also make you want to take a melon baller to your eye sockets.
Now, I have gone to Ol' Chardsy from time to time to seek her insight on her strange and mysterious gender. And she will occasionally ask me my opinion on mine. A very symbiotic and refreshing experience.
I go to her because for the most part, she's logical, reasonable, and she has a good head on her shoulders. We end 99.9% of our conversations with me stroking my make believe beard and thinking, "Damn, you're right." Except for the first time that happened last week...
Quick dirty run down of the scenerio:
Chard meets a boy at a party. Chard and boy take lots o' pictures at party. Chard develops mini crush. Boy asks Chard to email him pictures when she uploads and gives her an email address.
Fast forward to the week after.
Chard is absolutely freaking out about this email. She asks me what it should say and stresses about how stupid she is sounding in the email. I'm not quite sure where all this unnecessary anxiety is coming from. So I suggest saying the following:
"Hey, here are the pictures you asked me to send you. Crazy night huh? I had a lot of fun. If you wanna do this again, you know how to reach me."
Or something along those lines. She's not satisfied. She thinks she sounds "retarded".
So@24: What's the problem Chard? I really think you're making this a way bigger deal than it needs to be.
Chard: Initiating the process is pressure enough.
So@24: Initiating the process? Didn't HE asked YOU so send him the pictures? Didn't HE give YOU his email address?
Chard: But if the first email makes me sound like a 'tard, why would he want to go any further.
My jaw drops in astonishment and I want to take an aluminum bat to my computer screen.
So@24: With what I just suggested, how are you sounding like a fool??
So@24: You aren't setting yourself up for rejection, you aren't asking him out, you aren't putting yourself on the line, all you are doing is saying, "Here are the pictures you asked for. Man we were drunk. I had fun. Period." You're making a serious mountain out of an insignificant molehill.
Chard: Agree to disagree.
No. I can't let this go. It's fucking black and white.
Is this normal? Is this the mental process that goes through all women's heads? Or am I the crazy one who isn't getting the big picture?
* Editor's Note: Is this a matter of insecurities? I suppose is COULD be, but home girl doesn't have a problem dates. And if she does, maybe she should start taking the reigns and asking guys out.
I mean, look at her.
And you can't really tell in the picture, but she has a pair of sweater cows that are top shelf (come on, Chard, you know they are).
What's the problem?
55 comments:
I can tell you now, us girls overanalyze everything! I can totally see where Chard is coming from. Doesn't matter if she is hot or not. We don't want to get shot down.
First, two points for using the word "symbiotic".
I agree with you about the email.
"Here are the pics you wanted. I look like a jackass in most of them. Ha. Later!"
Sweater cows? Really? -1 point. :D
Um. I'm guessing sweater cows are bigger than sweater bunnies. Impressive!
Also. Yeah. We kinda do analyze a great deal. But here's the thing; we want all guys to think we're sexy, smart, funny, witty, and casual. Guys don't realize how much time goes into crafting the perfect line.
as a girl i can vouch for this as well. we over analyze and freak out. i know i would when sending the email. granted i think your suggestion of wording is pretty much what i would use, tomato, tamato..
Wait, is she a girl? Yes?
Ok, so why are you even asking if her thought process is rational?
Also, "sweater cows" is officially the newest addition to my vocabulary.
big chest does not necessarily equal getting the right guy. I believe my life is case in point.
As for our overanalyzation, while I agree that the suggested email was not only acceptable (I'd even say ideal), we analyze everything so throughly backwards and forwards that it's surprising our brains dont explode.
Totally normal freakout on her behalf. However, I think your email idea was good - the only thing I might tweak is the "you know how to reach me" closing.
The initial email is less about securing a second opportunity to hang out, and more about demonstrating enough charm and wit to get a really good back-and-forth dialogue going... it's easy to segue into the next chance to hang out once you've both shot a few responses to each other.
See I would have wrote him the next day...and probably the EXACT same thing you told her to write. But I've been in the position where I've been forced to ask guys out for some time.
Plus, I don't ever want a guy to know I'm nervious....so my emails are pretty short, quick and to the point. <--but with personality!
maybe not all women, but most of us - that's for sure.
I believe that I had this EXACT Im exchange with my go to boy for advice!
Hilarious!
His reaction is exactly the same as yours. I'm trying to think like him now when I email...
Sweater cows. HA!
sweater cows, ha
(im 14...aparently)
Yup, I agree with you, So@24. This makes absolutely no sense to me and I don't see what's so wrong about the wording of your email.
I think it's superstition. The guy got a detailed first impression of her from that party, there's no reason he's going to change his mind because of one short email.
haha sweater cows.
and c'mon, of course we overanalyze. it's just what we do. part of our charm.
I can see where both of you are coming from. I like what you told her to write. It makes sense, but she is kind of putting herself out there with the whole "you know where to find me" thing. That's not as forward as asking him out, but if he doesn't email her back it's still like getting rejected.
Just saying.
you gave her perfect email material, but us girls do stress about this. I like to think I'm pretty outgoing and things but when I'm first starting to do the email exchange with a guy I'm the same way. I'll reread it a bunch of times to make sure it sounds ok. Meanwhile he'll email me back in 2 minutes so obviously not a problem on his end.
Um. If you had seen the sheer amount of terror/anxiety I suffered last week OVER A FACEBOOK MESSAGE you would have been appalled. It disgusted me that I was so nervous and silly.
Women are insane. Fact.
I was just thinking, "Wow, SO is cute! Too bad we don't live in the same --" and then I read the phrase "sweater cows" and didn't finish that thought.
Fact: Women tend to over analyze - especially when it comes to situations involving the opposite sex.
That being said, I do agree with you about the e-mail. It what I would say. Keeps things open for him to pursue if interested, yet doesn't really allow rejection either.
Yeah I'd say that was about normal! for me anyway...I over analyse everything all of the time.
I get crazy even over a text message if I like the guy... let it go, it's a girl thing. Let us have our things...
I'm just gonna believe that a cutie like you with a great "denim dog", made up the hilarious "sweater cows" comment... Please don't tell us where you got that from, just own it! ;)
Nach - My point is... she's not putting herself out there to GET show down.
Prin - At least I'm still 1 point ahead, right?
Distracted Spunk - Why does there need to be a perfect line?
Katelin - Agreed.
Fort - Use it wisely, my son. As you can see, people get up in arms about it.
Cassette - You can totally say "ideal", I won't mind. :D
Kelly - She could even leave out that line and it STILL would have been a great email.
Allie - That's what it's all about, right? Short. Quick. To the point.
JJ - It's a pretty simple thought process. The simpler, the better.
Sequined - I knew if any female were to actually GET the humor of "sweater cows", it'd be you.
Each of the Two - That was a pleasant surprise.
Jack - Nice to know that someone completely agrees. Black and white!
Tia - Charm, eh Tia? Hmmmm...
Maxie - Like I said before... even without that line the email still would have been fine.
Ally - Exactly. If he's interested, he'll be writing back in no time. Regardless of what you said.
D - Noooooooooooo! Spend those wasted minutes doing anything else! Build a birdhouse, eat a s'more, ride a skooter!
Martini - I knew my crude humor would be the end of us.
IRun - Comment of the day. This is exactly what I was trying to explain to her. He asked, you did what he asked. No need to fuss. If he writes back, great! If not, it's not like you got rejected... because you have to ask to be rejected.
LipsSmack - Again, thank you for appreciating the childish ways I can think to describe the mysterious, female anatomy!
Yep, we're mental. We think too much, it's in our genes.
So Chard - man up and send the email. If he's a 'tard enough to write you off over a quick 3 line email then who the hell wants him? The longer it takes to send them, the worse it will be!
And SO@24 I can't believe you're going on about Chard over analysing! Hehehehehe, you're 'issues' make me realise that there's more going on in guys heads than "beer, football, tits, arse" on a repeating loop. And I thank you every day for it!
Sorry, have to agree with Chard on this one. Yes, we overanalyze EVERYTHING. But I have to admit that if I really thought about it, most guys would think nothing of what you suggested.
I would have had the same reaction that Chard did!
how many female's blogs do you read? evidently not enough if you have to ask if we really freak out that much about the most trivial things.
we have the pressure to be the sexiest, funniest, smartest, friendliest girl in our intended's life or we risk being put in the friend zone or worse the fuck 'em & leave 'em zone or worse the this-chick-is-weird-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-her zone
Not every girl over analyzes. She needs to just DO IT.
..."sweater cows"? Seriously? *sighs and shakes head*
Er, anyway. This is the normal thought process most of us go through -- I suspect it's the "if you wanna do this again, you know how to reach me" part that's giving her pause, because a) that means she's totally putting herself out there and risking no reply, and b) there's the issue of possibly sounding too cavalier, like "Hey there, buddy, let's get drunk and hang out in a totally platonic way."
Trust me -- the issue of how to come off as interested without seeming clingy and desperate is something we struggle with all the time. She's normal.
I think what you wanted to say was good and made a lot of sense...but at the same time, I can see where Chard is coming from, because as a girl, I know that we tend to overanalyze and over-think everything. it's no good, and we recognize that it's no good...but it's what we do.
Now you see why we are so crap at getting around to asking men out.
Wait wait a second. I see two posts in my google reader from two of my favorite blogs and its the same topic?!?!
I call shenanigans.
Also I agree with you. Guys like the chest area.
Once upon a time I was in the same boat as Chard. I emailed the dude pictures saying something along the lines of... "Here are the pictures you wanted. I can't beleive I remembered your email address. I had fun! I am glad we met! Enjoy the pics."
Slightly embarrassing but I got the guy! Well...until he dumped me a few months later for a busty blonde ;)
BTW Chard?!?!?! I still think you should have come up with a better nick-name!!
I totally give her the right to nick-name you SHATT!!
Sounds like Chard is going through the typical girl OMG-I-Really-like-him-so-I-must-make-him-believe-that-I-am-perfect phase. This is completely normal. This phase usually lasts until she is certain he likes her back, and then she'll stop memorizing every word he says and quoting it back to her counsel for analysis. (Yes, this happens.) It's silly and irrational, but so are girls. Don't worry; she'll be embarrassed about it later.
Don't worry, Chard. SO@24's message doesn't make you sound like a 'tard.
"Sweater cow." There's a phrase I've never heard before. I'm so jumping on the sweater cows bandwagon. Even though mine are more like sweater newborn calves.
Yeah, "if you want to do this again..." is problematic, because if he doesn't reply you think "ok, he's not interested". Then you start thinking "maybe he was interested but I was a bit too stand-offish". Then you think maybe he's lost your number so you call him/send him a message on facebook and it starts all over again but opposite: "maybe I came on too strong by sending him a message on facebook"...
In future, you really don't want to get into women's heads.
Yes, Yes...girls overanalyze EVERYTHING! We're putting our guard up.
I do thik however- that cows are cooler than sweaterbunnies. I don't know if perhaps cows are the new bunnies. Pass that memo around!
Yup us girls overthink things, fact of life....
Of course most of te time we needn't bother because clearly, guys are quite simple creatures...
need more sweater cows!
Oh Lord.. These is why we try to keep our crazy to ourselves and a few of our closest girlfriends. Now that you know how much we stress over emails/phone calls/texts, part of the magic is gone.
Also, whoever said "denim dog" had me laughing out loud for about 5 minutes.
She's def making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. Of course, back when I was single, I'd be doing the exact same thing so I'll just shut my pie hole and empathize from my computer.
I think men and women tend to overthink things sometimes, especially when it's someone they truly like. It's all a matter of having enough confidence to say whatever because if the person likes you, it really doesn't matter what you say in an email.
We girls to over think and over analyze these things. It's just in our nature.
I must agree with you in that what you suggested she write to him was completely bengin. very safe and could not set her up for rejection.
sweater cows? you crack me up.
also? women overanalyze EVERYTHING. better get used to it!
I would be just like here if I were in the situation. Girls are just like that, think and think and think about something so minor. Yep, that's it.
So what did she end up doing, did she get an e-mail back??
women dont understand men, thats the problem.
for the most part, women tend to think they're writing a letter to themselves whenever they write...or.whatever.
its painful to watch.
you're right. and shes being silly.
also:
ladies... as a girl who is SURROUNDED by men on a daily basis (on a friendship level. because i get them laid.) i can tell you one thing for sure:
dont try too hard, dont change who you are. just like you can smell when a guy is trying too hard to impress you -- guys can too. its a turnoff.
if they liked you initially, odds are, you've already won them over.
witty lines, or cute "lol"s thrown in here or there wont change their opinion.
well said, karmen.
just be yourself ladies. we're big dumb animals.
Over analyze is almost every girls middle name. However, your email suggestion is a good one.
I have a fever. The only cure is more sweater cow bell.
(Some of us never stop acting like 12 year olds.)
Honestly, I want to say that I over analyze what guys say to me, but really, I can't. I'm just not good at it because I fail every time. I have finally realized that I will never get the meaning correct on the first try. Or the second try. Maybe on the third, but really, the stats are against me. The email, to me, would be stupid and breezy. He would probably think I wasn't interested. Because that's how I roll (and fail). And really, reading over this comment more, I realize that I need more sleep. Eh, ohs well.
I will, quickly, try to defend WHY girls over analyze every detail-
When seemingly interested guys disappear with no explanation, or don't respond to emails like this, or don't call after saying they will, our only defense is trying to rule out any move that could have given them an excuse.
We obsess to try to give us a little peace of mind that it's not our fault and that guys just really are impossible to understand. That being said, I liked your email.
it is my experience that seemingly confident women can get so insecure when they like a guy. Sounds like this is the case. Plain and simple, if a guy likes a girl, he is going to pursue her. So I think your email was a great idea, and she is wayyyyy over analyzing this. Because, like you said, he knows how to contact her, and he will if he wants to.
I loved reading your two posts back to back. Almost as much as I love the term "sweater cows"
Girls over-analyze...EVERYTHING.
Social Darwinism At Its Finest!
btw..you are right, she is horribly wrong.
Post a Comment