The history of Beth and I dates back my early years of college. It's a long, dark, twisted history that's so jumbled... I'm instinctively wanting to grab a tall boy of Pabst and a shot of Jack Daniels.
When stuff like this or this occurs, we never discuss it. I have a theory that almost every boy/girl with a slight romantic interest has a routine and that's ours.
The cat has ever been out of the bag; that motherfucker has stayed put for years. I'm sure if I were to open it now, a dusty kitty skeleton would fall out and crumble to pieces. Her and I are both pussies, we haven't been able to do it... no matter close we've been. Obviously, it was an enormous faux paux when I was dating Lynn. And when she was dating her boyfriend.
My best friend Rick caught wind of my recent thoughts towards Beth and directly called me out. Fucking hard core call out. We're talking the ironclad of call outs The kind of call out that only a best friend knows how to do:
Rick: So are you into Beth now or what?
So@24: I don't know. You know her and I are.
Rick: You need to cut it off. You know it's going to be a disaster.
Rick: First off, you're going to get your hopes up. And I know you. That means every single little hope in the world. And either one of two things happen.
1. You guys get together
2. You don't.
Rick: If you don't, you're crushed but remain ever optimistic that she'll come around. Which she won't. You need to let it lie, bro. It's not your Wendy Peffercorn moment.
So@24: I don't know. You haven't seen us recently. I can't describe it, but I think it's different this time around.
Rick: You think this is a mindfuck? Wait til you're in the thick of it. Don't even let your mind go there. You don't even have to read between the lines. All the subtext is laid right there for you. Look, you obviously would like this to happen, but it never will. She says, "you're perfect for me, but it will never happen."
Rick: I don't mean to be harsh, but I don't want to see you hurt. It's better to nip this in the bud. I know how you two are, I know your history.
So@24: Why would she say these kinds of things?
Rick: Who knows? Why do girls say anything? But then again, it may be true for her. It would be easy with you. She could make it happen with the snap of her fingers.
Rick: She actually tells you; you just have to look into it. you're an ideal, I love. But it will never happen. I imagine it's you, but it's not. The guy looks and acts just like you, but it's not you in her dream.
So@24: Fuck, Rick. Why is it that I'm not that guy if I am that guy?
Rick: You're ideal in the emotional sense; you're strong-minded, sweet (shut the fuck up), you're funny, you're charismatic. But she doesn't want to date you. She wants to date someone with your personality.
So@24: It doesn't make sense.
Rick: You're her buddy. You're too good of friends.
So@24: Maybe you're right.
Rick: You know I am. I don't mean to take the wind out of your sails, but it's better than crashing into the rocks when you hear The Siren call.
I thought about this long and hard the other night.
I got asked over the weekend if I was acting this way because "it's the most convenient thing/most readily available". It got me thinking; is this what happens when you find yourself single after "X" amount of time? Am I just trying onto hold onto something familiar? Something that is comforting? Or maybe it's a matter of distance: it's safe for her (or both of us) to go through the motions because distance effectively prevents it from really going anywhere?
If all these are true... how come it doesn't feel that way?
Jack: Might be best to guard you emotions on this one.
Now playing: Simon and Garfunkel - Cecilia