It was inevitable. It had to happen at some point. I mean, she dated the guy for an entire year right?
I didn't force her to tell me. She didn't tell me in order to get some kind of jealous reaction out of me. It just. Happened.
Lynn: I need to get my jean hemmed, cause I've lost some weight
So@24: No way. You've lost weight? How is that possible?
Lynn: I'm off my birth control (cough)
Which kind of opened the doors to that discussion. I'll admit I had the ol' "sucker punch to the breadbasket feeling", but I had to find a way to go around that.
So I joked with her about it (which is what I do when shit gets too serious). And we switched subjects after admitting how awkward it was and that my body was sweating bullet for some reason. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, I guess.
It's a weird feeling so think about and I'm trying my best not to imagine my ex reverse cowgirling the shit out of this guy.
But I also know that I need to accept this if this is what it takes to really be "just friends" with someone. I need to grab this bull by the horns! I need to accept it and be "ok" with it. This is normal. Of course she was going to be with someone else eventually.
...
It didn't stop me from doing 4 sake bombs at lunch with coworkers though. And blogging drunk.
w00t!
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49 comments:
Ouch. Sucks when the relationship you really want to have comes with a few thorny surprises.
On the other hand, nice job with the sake bombs - I miss those days.
It's impossible to be friends with an ex, unless you didn't really care about her that much to begin with and you honestly don't care that she has moved on. This is gonna end badly.
sake bombs? damn, i want to work with you. i could use 4, uh 8 right about now.
sorry you had to go through that. :(
I'm gonna have to agree with pabst blue ribbon here. This is self torture. It is hard for me to read....probably because I threw up thinking about my ex boning someone else (a couple years ago).
That's why I've decided I'm a cold turkey kind of girl. If I did smoke and was trying to quit, I'd quit completely.
And let's say I started smoking again, brought that person back into my life, I would know it's really bad for me...hence, self torture.
I feel your pain. Sake bombs at lunch is awesome though.
Eeek, that's rough. I'd rather not hear/think about my ex with another girl. But I guess you'll have to get used to it if you want to be friends.
Yay for sake!
Blake is right. Being friends is torturous. Ok, I guess I added the "torturous" part...but seriously. Not fun.
Well hopefully she isn't having sex now if she's off birth control! But yeah, it sucks when you first learn that an ex has had sex with someone else. i know the Ex has, but I don't know with who so for some reason I'm not really jealous. Maybe because I've had sex with other people, too?
Just avoid the subject. You can become "okay" with it on your own terms. You sure as hell don't need to discuss it...then you start thinking about when you guys had sex blahblahblah Danger zone, dude. steer clear.
Drunk blogging is excellent :D
That being said, you were going to have to confront that particular truth sooner or later. But I agree with Elyse, don't start obsessing on it.
I am in love with this post. It's perfect: to the point without being too short, just enough emotional vulnerability, and it involves alcoholic hilarity. w00t!
Stay strong, brother. You can do it, and it'll get easier with time (what doesn't kill you..., right?). After a few more years, you'll be totally cool.
Na, man, you don't have to be OK with it. No sweat. I don't know any deets about my ex's love life, but I'm sure she's done the same. That being said, I still don't wanna know about it.
If I ever saw the guy, though, I'd be tempted to say something like, "Like how I broke it in for ya?"
it's always an awkward moment when you realize that people you were with are now with other people. it's like we think that they'll never again get out into the dating world.
thats what you get for being mature and talking to your ex in a grownup manner.
Oh pup!!!! I hate this. I genuinely hate it for you. I'm a little drunk too which may be magnifying this shit but gewwww. No comment other than that.
Ok, one. Mortar...I really really hope you run into that guy and say that exact thing. "Like how I broke that in for you?" Equal parts sadistic and masochistic.
But seriously, So, gew. Gew and UGH.
I may be wrong, but I honestly thing this girl is trying to get under your skin. This sounds like the exact kind of thing I would have said to my ex after we broke up.
1) she told you about the jeans so you could think she got skinnier/hotter
2) she brought up birth control so you guys could talk about the fact that she's had sex/having sex
It's a love/hate thing... it's great that she cares enough to try to make you jealous, but it sucks that she still feels like she has to.
Hopefully I'm wrong...
Hilarious. Ps does Lynn know about this blog?
I was with my husband for six years. I left him and was absolutely sure that I did not want him back.
But when I found out, six months later, that he was having sex with another woman and she was staying over nights etc, I went to bed with the lights left on and my heart pretty much thumped and pounded all night. I felt sick and ill, like he'd had an affair.
It's a horrible feeling babes, it truly is. But you'll get over it, and deal with it - you already are!
It's always bad for one person to find out that their ex has been boning/boned someone else. This is now a rather sticky situation but it had to happen at some point or another. I'd suggest just coming to an agreement with her that the two of you do not discuss your current/former dating/hookups/sex situations, then maybe you'll be ok. But if you keep asking for info, it'll just torture you to death. I've been there. It is not a nice place to be.
It's always bad for one person to find out that their ex has been boning/boned someone else. This is now a rather sticky situation but it had to happen at some point or another. I'd suggest just coming to an agreement with her that the two of you do not discuss your current/former dating/hookups/sex situations, then maybe you'll be ok. But if you keep asking for info, it'll just torture you to death. I've been there. It is not a nice place to be.
But then again, blogging drunk is so amazing anyway
When I went through my thing, it always comes back to me, I didn't even like watching people on TV do it, because it made me think of her doing somebody else.
We were friends after too, but it was just so damn hard, and for reasons just like the story you just told.
Now I need 4 sake bombs . . .
And really, she got boned. She didn't bone someone else, because the guy, whoever he may be, would be doing the boning, right?
I'm sorry, you don't want to talk about the specifics . . .
We live like the same life, dude. I mean, yours is more dramatic I think.
But I spent last night sobbing into my pillow over a break up that happened nine months ago because the dude told me he's dating someone new now. Which I expected and thought I was cool with. But I was not.
I'm not even a crier! I save tears for the day of the break up and special occasions like Rudy.
So my point is that I feel ya.
2 things:
1: why is she not on birth control anymore? is she retarded? did you date a retard? seriously.
2. this is where you have to reach down between your legs and realize you have a pair of testicles man. it's one thing entirely to be friends with your ex, but you are trying to be the type of friend you were when you two were dating. THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. it will lead to many "failed" attempts at pussy for you because you're gonna shoot yourself in the foot and blame it on conditions outside your control. AND it will lead to tons of heartache as she tells you things that constantly wrench you and tear you up but you feign that it doesn't bother you which (because she's female and thus oblivious) will make her tell you more. this is not healthy grown up behavior. and really, when she gets a serious boyfriend, he's prolly not gonna like the idea of the 6 year ex being around too much and she'll cut you out. i promise you that. she initiated the split, she initiated first contact, and she will be the first to cut it off. she drew first blood, all the balls are in her court (including yours still) and unless you set some boundaries on this shit, you're only gonna get hurt a bunch more. you are not one of her girlfriends she needs to confide in. you are an ex, there has to be boundaries. you know, i've stayed friends with some exes before, and i have absolutely nothing good to say about it, nor can i come up with any good reason to do it.
seriously, there's a reason that everyone reading your blog is telling you you're dumb for doing this. we've all done it. we've all been dumb. we've all heard people tell us not do it, and we all thought "well, i'm different, i can do it". guess what, we can't. we're males, we're territorial. someone else pisses on our tree and the tree tells us, hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have to be suppressed.
no good will come of this.
hi! i just stopped over from the 20 somethings network and have to say your blog is hilarious!
and by the way, staying friends with an ex is hard, but you can do it without talking about current relationships. converse about... i don't know... the weather? lol
Would you feel as badly about this if you were getting some too? Answer honestly.
And people, it's possible to have safe sex off the pill. Ever heard of condoms? Birth control pills are pretty bad for you if you use them long term-- it's healthy to take a break.
blogging drunk, and with no grammatical errors - score!
This is dangerous territory, bro.
Just because you want to be mature and stay friends, doesn't mean you need to be BFF's this much.
You wanna still talk about mutual friends or movies you like or whatever -- fine.
You want dating advice after all you put me through? Go fucking fish.
Cut the cord, or get used to her playing this card and having it affect you this same way for a long time to come.
You're better than that, Sake-boy.
That is a hard pill to swallow. When I've remained friends with exes we usually set the ground rules of not discussing our romantic life. But hey you can't truly be "friends" unless you talk about the nitty gritty sometimes. Good luck!
My ex and I talk about sex we have with other people. But then we have phone sex. It's odd. It's not just friends. It's nebulous and messy. I think it's best to do the just friends thing. I hope it works for your guys.
i am friends with a couple exs but it has taken a break in talking and significant space before we've been able to actually make that work. it's a noble pursuit, particularly if you had a friendship foundation to start with when you were a couple. but it doesn't always work. i've completely tortured myself trying to be friends with an ex too soon. hearing about them having sex with someone else? ouch!
sake bombs help most things i've found. excellent choice!
booze is the best medicine..laughter ain't so bad either...
Yay! I love how we're still not only talking about this but in complete denial about how much you still care!
wheeeeeeeeee this is going to end so badly. Listen to us. Seriously. Do it.
i feel like a lot of these entries are about Lynn and not really about your foray into the dating world at all.
a little less Lynn, a little more action with single busty blondes
it is sitches like these where i wholeheartedly endorse the liquid lunch... ha who am i kidding i always endorse the liquid lunch
cheers,
irish
This is the first post of yours that I've read and I have so many things to say that this comment might be longer than your actual post, haha.
Um, first of all, I'm obsessed with the fact that you linked to a sex position article on wiki- that's hilarious.
And also, this entire post? I've SO been there. Actually, my boyfriend and I are about to take a break because I'm moving to California for 8 months and I'm going to be in a really similar situation again. I can see it being all "please never tell me about the boning other girls that you're doing..."
Lastly, I'm officially not going to get anything done tonight because I'll be reading your blog.
It does not surprise me that Dr. Kenneth made that correction about the "boning". This is the hard part. I think getting hammered helps ease the pain.
Oh that sucks. Plain and simple sucks. I think you need to remember that there is one reason and one reason only that people have sex: Because it feels good.
My friends describe me as the "Samantha" of the group. Maybe that's what you need to do for a while: Be the Samantha of your group.
Hugs hugs hugs. It hurts to find out that someone else has been in your territory. Like many others, I've been there. And it sucks. And now I worry that you're going to get hurt by this "friends with Lynn" thing.
Gotta say, I agree with Chud. You are setting yourself up for a nasty fall. You are going to allow yourself to be vulnerable (more so than you already are) and then get crushed all over again. And in all reality. What women wants to get involved with a guy who is still friends with an ex that he created a blog over? Do yourself a favor. Get into a relationship and let it run its course before you try being friends with Lynn.
it must be awesome having so many people that are this involved in your life! You're becoming quite the rock star.
here here harry. listen to harry, the man is wise.
hi! just found you through nicole antoinette's blog.
you are a trooper if you can handle talking about things like that with your ex! and definitely worthy of some sake-bombing during lunch.
speaking of which ... it may only be 10:13am for me here, but i wouldn't mind one right now..
i'm very intrigued by your blog and the inspiration for it. can't wait to read more :)
- damsel in digress
www.damselindigress.wordpress.com
Laughing - It wasn't the same doing them without you.
Blake - Good to see you back on the block! I was worried that you'd left.
Hazel - You're probably right. As soon as I jam on someone, it won't be as bad.
ETP - Highway to theeeeeee... alright I'm finished with the Top Gun references.
G - Thanks pal! Nice to know that you enjoyed my drunken ramblings!
Cliffy - I want to say, "You know I was there first right? Oh okay cool, just as long as we go that clear."
Cook - I love that nickname! Pup! So endearing! I love how protective you are. I think we would have been great friends
Maxie - A definitely half empty perspective that I didn't even consider. Hmmm, I never thought about it, but I don't think she's like that. She's just not that way. But good thing to watch out for.
Betty - Thanks for understanding. As always.
Ol' Gancey - Touche'. Damn. Nice visual though. I should change that title. Get your ass to LA. First round on me!
Sequined - I swear we're cut from the same loins.
Chudsy - 1. I don't think she plans on having sex. So she's off it.
2. I miss the Chudsy that talks about blowing up shit.
Michelle - Welcome! Looks like you have some catching up to do!
Sabina - I'd probably still feel a little weirded out, but you're right in that if I was having sex with someone else I wouldn't be as rattled.
After all, "getting over someone is always easier when you're under someone else"
Hex - Would you be surprised to know you aren't the first to call me Sake Boy?
Ex - Oh Ex. You never hold back those right hooks. I love it!
Anon - More and more Lynn entries pop up because that's what's going on currently. I promise as soon as I start interacting with other members of the opposite sex, I'll be posting away.
Irish - I knew you'd understand!
Nicole - I was wondering when someone was going to comment on my wikipedia reference! THANK YOU!
Let me know what you think of the other posts you read. Love the feedback either good or negative!
Damsel - Welcome! What a nice compliment, I'm glad you appreciate the theme! It's been an interesting journey so far and I expect it to get a lot more exciting.
So, this is the first time I'm reading your blog but I felt like adding my .02 cents.
Being friends with exes can blow donkey balls. I've tried it, so I can't knock you for trying it. Plus, everybody's different - but shit like this *stings* and.. well.. why do that to yourself?
i prefer talking about blowing shit up. but, this post made me cringe a little.
I always say the best way to get over a tough break-up is to fuck your way through your city/state/province (or whatever). Trust me, Margret Cho and I know best.
I found out my ex had a new girlfriend via a myspace bulletin he put out. Ugh.
there were times that i wished my ex boned someone else so he would leave me the hell alone! that's an interesting feeling as well.
ps. 2 years is too long. would you go stick it in somewhere already?!?!
Never an easy pill to swallow as a matter of fact or at least my opinion I try not to ever cross the bridge or conceive that notion.
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