It was inevitable. Saturday morning, The Nurse added me on MySpace.
Remember, I haven't seen this girl without a large about of liquor sloshing around in my belly. If we DID talk, I don't remember anything I said. Anything she said. I don't even really remember what she looks like... I've never seen her in natural light, the most I've seen is under the dark haze of bar lighting.
She might as well be a complete stranger. Ahhhh, the beauty of the serious black out.
I was interested to see what she looked like and, let's be honest, judge the shit out of her based on her MySpace page.
-sigh-
Let's begin:
Pictures: She's not something out of Lord of the Rings (Thank God), but she isn't stunning. I definitely wouldn't have done anything with her if I wasn't intoxicated. I've been told I'm picky. Definitely not anything to write home about. If I were to judge her on the ol' 1 - 10 scale, she'd be a 5.5.
The worst part is... she does "MySpace pictures". You know what I'm talking about. Standing in front of the mirror, looking slightly away from the camera going for that mysterious/pensive look. She has an entire album dedicated to it. Fuck me.
General Layout: Her display name is something like, Sunshinebabysparkles84. Her page takes about 20 years to load because she has so much sparkly pictures that says shit like, "Feel safe at night, sleep with a nurse" and "Fuck the system" it makes me want to castrate myself. She has a part that says "Your Exotic Dancer Name Is". Who does that!?
And she has tons of "punky" pictures of skulls. I think skulls died out with black light capability posters, 8 balls, alien heads, and peace symbols.
Her "About Me": It starts off like a 12 year old's essay "So you wanna know about me huh!?!?!?!?!" I'll spare you the rest. Trust me, you don't want to know.
Music: She gets points for having Flogging Molly as her song.
-dusts hands-
There you have it. Am I an asshole for being so harsh? Perhaps. Am I completely lame for judging this girl based solely off my experience visiting her MySpace? Probably, but at least I can accept that.
I don't think there will be a second rendezvous during the Christmas break.
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38 comments:
I'm too old to know what this My Space you kids keep talking about is. However, you must learn to embrace the phrase, "Any port in a storm." I think a good, angry hate-fuck is just what the doctor, or in this case nurse, ordered. I may be just a cynical old bastard, though.
No, no and double no. I judge most people based off their Myspaces (I even look up potential candidates and see what kind of crazy shit they have). I once found out one of my coworkers was a stripper from Myspace.
Myspace is important is what I'm saying. I say judge away.
I have to agree with the ex. When I was interviewing people I would look them up on Myspace to see what they are like. Call me judgey, I don't give a shit. Judge on so@24, judge on.
I have to say, Myspace doesn't mean everything.
What would happen if she found your blogspot?
If anybody found my myspace they would think I was a madman.. as I jokingly portray myself as such.
I think it is totally appropriate to judge someone on how long it takes their MySpace to load. Actually I just close it if it takes too long.
Goodnight, NO. Absolutely not to "MySpace Pictures” in particular.
I'll even take that a step further and say that, barring solo exotic adventures, it is next to impossible to take a non-lame picture of oneself.
Involving mirrors? Never a good idea and always lame. And I’m in PR- I’m pretty much trained OUT of using words like never and always.
The MySpace pictures are a total no. Even one is grounds for a shit talking.
Now I have to see how mine looks. I don't want to turn a guy off like the Nurse did!
(But I know full well that my songs always suck; that's semi-deliberate.)
No, that's completely legit to judge her by that shit.
If it makes you feel better, I made out with some chick at a party last Spring, got her number and told her I'd call her. Then I looked her up on facebook the next day and threw up a little bit in my mouth. Needless to say, I never called...
i always judge based on myspace. seriously, if you have zero concept of bandwidth and have a 20mb page, i don't think i want to know you. if you have the on/off control for your shitty song i don't want hear hidden, then i want to smack you in the face. and if you send out bulletins telling me you posted new pictures, chances are, i am deleting you. my page is blank, and it directs people to my blogger. i like my shit clean and clear.
DAMN IT! Sunshinebabysparkle84 was going to be the name of my first born. Now what am I going to do? For the record, one night, I got a bit tipsy (read blacked out) and chose "shirtless bacon" as my MySpace moniker. Judge that.
Oh my god. I hate myspaces like that. I have to agree, I will judge people by their myspace as well. You can tell a lot by their pictures and they way that they write.
Everyone judges. The interesting thing is whether we ever get it right. I don't do MySpace. I can't. It's too visually assaulting. But I am sure people judge me by a lot of things I put online. It's OK...I love me. And if you have issues with me, you'll get a sod off from me. :) I
Um....is she a 16 year old Avril Lavigne groupy? I would judge someone who didn't judge that much ridiculousness.
Oh noo, I so want to see his girl's pictures so I can judge her for myself, hehe.
You can't NOT judge someone's Myspace/Facebook/etc. That's why you need to be careful about what you put out there. What she's putting on her personal sites is what she WANTS you to think about her. And you don't like it...nothing wrong with that.
Self-Myspace pics are huuuge no-no. And there's nothing that annoys me more than pages that take forever to load.
Oooh I think we're all guilty of judging Myspace pages so I say it's okay and totally legit to gt some sort of idea of who she is from it.
Absolutely not! She sounds like the epitome of a douche bag. What did she surf layout sites looking for cute shimmering pictures with suggestive sayings on them? I wouldn't doubt it.
Plus, if I judged you for judging, I'd be such a hypocrite-
for example: I was checking out Joe's pictures and the same bitch kept commenting things like "um, do me." and "you are SOO gorgeous."
I added her so I can make fun of every little off detail on her page. I like to call it self-preservation, others, stalking. Tomato, tomato.
i love the fact that you just analyzed a myspace page. but i think a of us do the same thing. what would have been your reaction if she had a really boring one that had nothing on it? no sparkle at all?
myspace sucks. i only keep it to stalk the losers who don't have facebook ;)
and really, what's the point of putting up 'myspace' pictures... they don't look like you, no one would recognize you in real life ifthey met you online and saw those pictures, and they're so corny. bleckh.
Nope, you are not an arsehole at all.
When you find the girl you really like, you'll love most of everything she does on myspace, facebook and her digital photos stored on her phone.
I wouldn't worry too much...it all sounds pretty normal!
Myspace pages like that are for people who WANT to be judged and validated. Judge away. Just don't validate.
myspace is the root of all evil. i want out. I couldn't resist the urge check out the nurse girl. all i can say is i loathe the self-taken picture. Can you get any more narcissistic?
"she does "MySpace pictures". You know what I'm talking about. Standing in front of the mirror, looking slightly away from the camera going for that mysterious/pensive look. She has an entire album dedicated to it."
And most likey, one day, she will procreate. --shudder--
Mood-photography AND sparkles does it get any better than that? But that kind of photography is never flattering so at least give her a half point leeway on the 5.5. Hmmm I think I've got a bit of my own Myspace stalking to do...
Did y'all see the hipster Olympics on youtube, in which one of the categories is taking "Myspace pictures" of yourself?
Ripping on that dork's myspace page is something I would do. I purposed as a topic for our Liar's Club blog (I'd put a link to it but I'm lazy) that we all scroll over a blog or two from ours with the tab at the top of the screen. Then, we make fun of that blog. Simple, right? The members of The Liars Club thought it was too mean. Boo hoo.
Hey, keep The Nurse around as a back-up plan. 5.5? I've done worse . . .
Harry - Trust me, you don't want to know. When you have the right group of friends, the website can be absolutely hilarious. However, most people who are on MySpace have convinced me this is the reason why we are going to fail as a species.
Exy - A stripper based on your MySpace? Oooh, that's rookie! She should know better than to post something like that on cyberspace.
Laughing - I remember you doing that. Evil. EVIL. For job interviews anyway.
Rick - If she found my blog, I'd feel like a huge asshole. And she'd think I was some emo bitch who never got laid.
Which is... pretty damn accurate.
tiff - I usually close it to, but I had to make an exception in this case.
Cook - Hahaha! Your comment cracked me up. And I totally want to bring back "Goodnight!"
Sequined - It depends on your personality. I will sometimes put TERRIBLE songs on my MySpace as a joke. e.g. Eagle Eye Cherry "Save Tonight". But in most cases I fear, people aren't doing it for humor.
MB - We're brothers. I know it.
Chudsey - Why would deliberately make it so people can't turn off your shitty music? Are you trying not to make friends? Are you trying to piss people off? I'll drink to that, Drunken.
Blythe - Shirtless bacon!? PRICELESS! See? THAT'S actually hilarious.
I totally looked you up. Creepy? You decide.
Jamie - It's how you want to present yourself, right?
Brainiac - I dig your moxy, kid!
Ebria - That's EXACTLY how I'd describe her. Not. dope.
Susie - I'm really tempted to link you, but know that karma will come back to seriously bite me in my yellow ass.
Katelin - Curiosity killed the cat in this case.
ETP - Oooh, purposefully adding the annoying girl to get a chuckle out of it. Definitely taking it to a new level!
Dater X - A simpler page with some witty sentences is 100Xs better than all the fluff. Trust me.
BLGG - Thats why I'm always a huge advocate of the candid shot
Betty - You're right about that. When I do find that type, I hope she doesn't post overly coupely pictures and tones down the useless surveys and "what kind of sex position are you" images
Girl in a Guys World - Wise words, my friend. Sounds like a MySpace tagline.
Hedonist - Oh no! I didn't even think of that! The government really should step in for cases like this and cut off the love supply.
NextFish - Let me know what you stumble upon. Happy hunting!
Sabina - I'll check that up during my lunch break. Who am I kidding... I mean right now.
Gancer - That is brilliant! You must insist that happens. Will the Liar's Club take votes from readers? Imagine what kind of shit Cherry would rip on people for!
AHAHAHAHAHA! Dude, no, you're totally justified in rejecting her based on all that. Sparkly shit = NO.
I hate social networking sites. Like the plague. If it weren't for the fact that I know of one or two people who would freak out, I'd just delete my profiles from Myspace and Facebook outright. It's not like I ever use them.
hmmm...now i would be curious as to what you would say about my page.
Uh, oh. I have sparklies on my blog. My header banner used to be pink skulls. I suppose that means I won't get a visit...But I don't do the MySpace thing. I think anyone over 26 who has a MySpace page is a creep.
Uh, no offense 'Space people.
lemme guess, her about me ends with a "i'm not your average girl..."
Just off the top of my head, that myspace page sounds horribly tacky. I wouldn't judge by it but overall, just negative points. Bear in mind though, people's online selves are sometimes only loosely related to their real selves. I'm sure all the guys in my life would be pissed if they found out they were being written about!
Okay seriously? I still have to make my way through your archives, but you've won me over with this post.
Because everything you said? AMEN. Stay away from this one. Far, far away. I think the exact same things when I see profiles like that.
I'll definitely be back to read more.
(Got here by way of twentysomethings.)
My blogworthy heartbreak lasted six and half years and I was where you're at three years ago. It's fucking painful and I can relate.
And, check out my profile photo. Screams Myspace. Enjoy.
I judge people by myspace and facebook too. Especially on how well they spell on said pages. I've broken up with someone because they suck at spelling before. Call me crazy, call me psycho, or just call me picky. Frankly, I don't care. I totally agree with you.
I'm pretty sure you have to be picky with the rest of your life. Or in this case, picky with the rest of the people you take home.
this post had me cracking up!! (after your post today i decided to see what the back story was)
i know exactly the myspace pages you're referring to. all things sparkly and glittery. it's kind of like what i think about guys who have naked women and playboy symbols on their pages. lol
but flogging molly is a good sign. but doesn't outweigh anything else. do you listen to dropkick murphys or great big sea? i LOVE irish music!
ok completely new to your blog and had to comment. currently noting to self to no longer allow date potentials to view myspace page. but i can happily say that i have not yet added skulls or sparkly pictures or myspace mirror shots. but if i ever need to turn a guy off, i will be adding them quickly to my page =P
I promise I am not doing some crazy backwards archive stalking of you. Someone linked to me from Sequins' link to this post... and I clicked and laughed.
I am so the same way. I also judge people tremendously by their use of textspeak in any form of written communication. I could never date someone who used "4" as a replacement for four.
I judge people who even HAVE a myspace. so you wouldn't even have made it past the first cut...
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