In order to truly appreciate this story, I'm going to break down what I had to drink over the entire course of the night:
4 mimosas for lunch
3 shots of Black Velvet whiskey
4 shots of vodka
2 Pabst Blue Ribbons
1 vodka redbull
1 Irish Carbomb
Mix this in the body of a 5'3", half asian male and you've got some serious trouble in River City.
(Drunk. That's a capital "D" which rhymes with "T" that stands for trouble)
Which brings us to the same bar from the other night. After finishing an amazing karaoke set, I wiped my the sweat from my brow. This is my last known memory. Now imagine a drunken montage...
Flash! I'm blatantly (and shamelessly) making out with the Nurse on the dance floor
Flash! I look over her shoulder and see a row of my friends across the bar all with shit-eating grins and huge thumbs up. Some are pounding beers. Some are giving each other hugs. Some have somehow managed to acquire party hats and bangers.
Flash! I'm taking a shot with my little brother
Flash! I'm blatantly making out with the Nurse at some different part of the bar
Flash! I'm getting pulled out of the bar by my hand the Nurse and into the streets
Flash! We're at some bar with another couple. She's feeding me humus on a piece of pita bread. We kiss again.
Flash! We're in a cab. And guess what? We're making out.
***
I wake up. I'm breathing hard. I'm going to puke if I think of alcohol. Where am I? I'm on a couch. It's my friends'. That's good. That's good. I blink a couple of times to adjust to the 6:30 am light. Nurse is on the other end of the couch. She's wearing a ski jacket. I look down, I'm wearing my clothes. Whew! Guess that's what happens when you're wearing the away team jersey without home court advantage.
Trying to piece everything together, my face turns a bright crimson. Did I just fucking make out in the middle of a public place? I was that guy. I was THAT guy! AUGH! And she was feeding me!? Holy fuck beans, what is wrong with me?
How did I even get from Point A to Point B? I don't even remember talking to her. What could I have possibly said that lead me to this scenario?? Was I suave? Was I smooth? Did she kiss me first? Did I kiss her? I have absolutely NO idea.
I tiptoe to find my cousin Mimi and we hit the road. After all, I have Thanksgiving feast in a couple of hours.
26 Tickle My Ego?:
hahahahaha ohhh god, I LOVE drunk stories, and this one was fantastic!!
first of all, good for you. even if it was in a public place, you still got yours (sorta)!
secondly, are you going to be able to see the nurse again to finish what you started any time soon?
all in all, sounds like a successful night :)
That's a amazingly wonderful drunk story, haha. Glad you had such a great night, too bad you don't remember all of it.
Oh man, on the one hand I am elated that this went down. This was the first year that the Wednesday before Thanksgiving as not yielded a fantastic hangover and/or "mischief" and I am glad you were representing with the cute nurse.
On the other hand, I'm relieved that it stopped where it did. The first time back in the big game is going to be weird, amazing, inevitably a little sad but a good thing. You need to remember it. And whoever it is.
Hahaha sounds like you had fun! But isn't that the worst..when you realize you have noo idea what you did and had no control over it. And someone else has to explain it to you (assuming there were some people with you who were more sober than you!). Have you talked to the nurse since then???
I hope you were still able to enjoy Thanksgiving. If I drank that much, I don't think I'd be able to look at food for days!
tears in my eyes from laughing! (this totally perked up an otherwise dull workday) Sounds like a good night to me! I cant stand it when people makeout in bars in front of everyone... which makes me a complete hypocrite.
if anymore of the story is suddenly remembered you better update us!
Flash! I'm blatantly (and shamelessly) making out with the Nurse on the dance floor
Flash! We're at some bar with another couple. She's feeding me humus on a piece of pita bread. We kiss again.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
as I read this I couldn't help but Flash! back to your blog about how much you hate PDA, then I read the little part at the end "I was that guy?" And all potential hipocrasy was forgiven.
p.s. half asian and 5'3? not bad.
Paying off, my work is.
http://www.personal.psu.edu/iua1/images/LukeYoda.jpg
That is so unbelievably funny. Even funnier, I think, because it comes in orange flashes.
But who hasn't been that guy (or girl) at some point? Sometimes it's in a bar (tacky!) and sometimes it's at a house party and other times it's at the world's largest drinking festival. Standing on a table. But whatevs!
I'm pretty sure I would have died if I drank all of that.
wow!...you can drink!...sounds like fun times...i was concerned when you said she had on a ski jacket...i exhaled when you looked down and still had your clothes on...(something about ski anything makes me think murder...go figure..)...great post...
Oh sweet Jesus! Way to get back on the horse! Seriously, so@24 you kill me.
Let's try to get you some this weekend, eyh?
haha don't question it, just accept :)
"Was I suave? Was I smooth?"
No, my friend, you were drunk.
Classic. Keep 'em coming, bro.
that guy?! I was totally THAT guy not too long ago. Funny you bring it up, I happened to mention my abstinence from the bar make-out in my post today. regardless, nice work.
Will you be seeing her again?
awesome! :)
Dude I'm amazed you didn't hurl immediately after the first Blue Ribbon. Don't you know that stuff is recycled?!
But, as you didn't, your Karaoke set HAD to have included something from Michael Bolton, right? heh.
Seriously, sorry for the wicket hangover you must have had, but glad you enjoyed yourself!
Dude, I am tagging you. Have fun.
I think I'm breaking a rule here but I'm commenting on your blog about your comment on Susie's ...Huh??? The Promise was my big Ex and I's song. DOn't run into many people whoe know it. That's serious. I well up at "If you wait for me"
*Heart Clutch*
I've just caught up on the last few posts and I think it is very apt you went out and got shiteous faced and kissed a nurse.
I hope you are doing well!
Oh, we would have so much fun partying together. You could hold my hair back, and I would rub your back while you're puking.
BLGG - Thank you, thank you. Not sure what's in store with The Nurse. But stay tuned!
Katelin - Apparently I'm James Bond when I'm blacked out.
Cook - Yeah I definitely didn't want to lose the V card (a second time) to someone who I barely know. I don't think I'm quite there yet. That woulda been messy.
Grace - Shameless. Absolutely shameless.
ETP - I'm glad you can appreciate that combination! Ha!
Leo - Goddammit Butters.
Sequined - You mean your flash backs don't come in orange? Maybe I should have that checked out.
I never thought I'd be that guy. So weird.
Jamie - I kissed the ground when I woke up that I was not in the afterlife.
Guerre - Automatically makes you think of murder?? I'm curious on the psychology of that. Glad you enjoyed the post!
Laughing - Let's hope your shindig tonight gets some results!
Obunn - When will I get to that point, I wonder...
Hedonist - I'll drink to that! Oh wait...
MB - My pleasure.
Dustin - I'm checking out your post right after I finish. Can't wait!
ZL - Maybe at Christmas? We'll see.
La Eb - A Thank you.
Average - I don't remember the song, but knowing my track record, most likely something by Sir Elton John. That guy can bust a note for sure!
Harry - Uh oh. I'm on it!
Cook - I know, right? I've never heard it until one random day in the office. Probably blogging worthy. We'll see.
That line is good, but my favorite is, "If you miss me, once in a while"
Betty - Glad to see you've caught up with my humiliating anecdotes! It's nice to have you back.
Valley - You sound perfect! And to think we're only a hop skip and a jump away
You forgot to throw back a few red-headed sluts. :)
"...something by Sir Elton John I'm sure."
That's all good and fine as long as you didn't sport the big duck outfit. heh.
best. musical. reference. ever.
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