First off. For the record, I'm not gay. But I'm not a homophob either. So when my friend Michael begged us to go to The Abbey for his 25th birthday, who was I to object? Los Angeles Magazine refers to it as "the best gay bar to bring a straight friend to."
We all file out of the cab and head past the gate at the front of the bar. It's actually a really cool bar: outdoor heat lamps, plenty of outdoor booths and tables, there are a lot of mini-bars scattered throughout the complex, a dance floor, etc. The Abbey was absolutely packed and although I don't think I've ever experienced an "eye fuck" before... I'm pretty sure I'm a veteran now.
My friend Veronica was with us that evening and I said I would get the first round of drinks. Not thirty seconds from when I saddled up to the bar, did a mustached man wearing an almost-transparent black top strike up a conversation with me over the roar of La Bouche's "Be My Lover".
Mustache: It's pretty happenin' tonight!
So@24: Yeah, I've never been here before. Is it normally this crowded?
Mustache: You've never been here before? Really??
So@24: Nope.
Mustache: Well, let me be the first to welcome you to the Abbey, cutey.
So@24: -nervous chuckle- Thank you. I'm sure I'll see you around.
I grab our drinks and head back to find Veronica and the rest. Our crew has somehow managed to commandeer a table outside. I tell everyone about my admirer and it gets a chuckle as we throw back our Redbull vodkas. Looking around, I'm definitely aware that I'm getting a lot of looks. Stares. A unique experience. This is what it must be like for girls at straight bars, I'm assuming.
Funny thing about alcohol; it makes you have to pee eventually. I make my way to the room in the back and this is the first time I've ever seen an enormous line for the men's room and absolutely nothing for the women's. A urinal opens up and as I go about my business, my eyes are directed to a little television screen above. It looks like a spring break video, but instead of busty, bikini-clad women... it's shirtless dudes in jean shorts. Weird. My own personal beach party is broken up when I hear behind me, "You have a pretty big dick for an Asian."
Did I just hear someone say, "[my] dick is pretty big for an Asian"? I look over my shoulder and the guy who just made the comment is exiting the room and winks at me. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or be offended. I guess I could appreciate his directness.
Weaving through the crowd to get back to our table, my shoulder is tapped and it's a circle of guys.
So@24: Oh hey. What's going on?
Random Guy 1: We've just been watching you talk to your friends all night and wondering when you were going to come over and introduce yourself to us.
- the circle laughs -
So@24: Ahhh. Well, yeah it's my friends birthday.
Random Guy 2: It's our friends birthday too! Don't you think you should give him a birthday kiss?
- the circle laughs -
So@24: That'd be alright, if I was gay!
- the circle, in unison, gives a disappointed "Awwwwwwwwww!"
Random Guy 1: You're not gay??
So@24: 'Fraid not.
Random Guy 2: That's too bad.
So@24: Thanks. Well, I'll see you guys later.
How easy would it be to be a gay guy? Seriously?!
8 comments:
That's awesome. Did I tell you about the conversation I had with my gay friend from work last year? He was explaining how he has 4-5 booty calls at any one time, and I tried to say that it must still be tough. Like, maybe people get too attached or whatever. And he looked at me really confused and said, "No. It's pretty easy."
Those bastards.
I'm trying to get my girlfriends to go with me to a gay bar. I need a 'gay bff'
MsP
Jeez, go more often! Talk about a fun time and an excellent boost to the ego. Sounds as though you were thrown more compliments in a few hours than one normally receives in a week. Neat.
I really liked how you answered them about giving their friend a kiss. That was very slick and sweet. Most guys just get offended or becomes completely uncomfy when gays get flirty with them.
So! Did you kiss him??????
hahahahahahaha
Thanks for writing this.
Ok I have to say that this is the funniest blog I've read LOL! Dude that would have been it for me lol. You're brave. A similar experience happen to me and my friends by accident. My bestfriend and I took our girlfriends to New York for the weekend of his girlfriend's birthday. Being green to New York we stumbled upon this park that was across the water from the Statue of Liberty. It was a nice park and we saw kids playing and thought nothing of it. But me and my friend asked our girlfriends if they felt uncomfortable with all these guys staring at them and winking, our girlfriends said no...(you'll see why) I went to the bathroom and saw men doing things in the stall together. Then it hit me this was a park where gay couples come to. Needless to say the men weren't staring at our girlfriends, but they were staring at us. We enjoyed the rest of the scenery and joked about it the rest of the trip. LOL thanks for sharing.
this makes me really sad- it's easy to see how sexually transmitted diseases are passed so quickly
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